here’s the background on it…
here’s the background on it…
and NEVER sees, NEVER gets it, NEVER shuts up, NEVER understands that NO ONE IS LISTENING to her and furthermore….NO ONE cares!
Well that’s not entirely true, I care! I care because Joan/Doris exposes and exploits myself and my family and that is WHY I write about what she does.
This post is a list of links of just ONE huge rant of Joan’s to ONE person. I wrote SIX blog posts! It doesn’t matter what year she writes, it’s always the same ranting of a very disturbed person, who causes a lot of damage to others.
There’s always another side of any story!
DISCLAIMER…Whenever one writes a public article, on any Internet site, and/or comments on a public article, or writes a comment on a PUBLIC Facebook account that is plainly labeled as a PUBLIC post, there is NO EXPECTATION OF PRIVACY. That being said, the commentators on this, on-line Buffalo News story, have given their ‘right’ to privacy away and publishing their names here, on a public blog, is PART and PARCEL of the News story.
“Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.”
― Native American Proverb
People who live in glass houses should not throw stones, particularly Joan/Doris! Her past deeds and words will ALWAYS follow her, regardless whether or not any of her friends care to acknowledge that, MANY OTHERS read the same news stories and have minds of their own to determine whether or not Joan/Doris is what she says she is!
Be sure to see part two here… 2 of 2; Op-ed article, by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel, gets insider attention from Gert McQueen! Part two of two.
The following is all self-explanatory. Most of the comments are dated from July 14 to July 16, 2017, but do check the following link to see all the comments and their dates.
Another Voice: Cuomo must veto flawed adoptee bill
By Another Voice | Published July 14, 2017 | Updated July 14, 2017
By Doris Michol Sippel
Even though I legally reclaimed my name of birth, New York State sealed my birth certificate and won’t give it back. Since 1935, birth certificates of adopted people in New York State are revoked, sealed and replaced.
Legislation to allow access to sealed records recently passed the Assembly and Senate. But adoptees are asking Gov. Andrew Cuomo to veto the “Adoptee Bill of Rights.” That’s because amendments will allow parents who signed away their parental rights to redact their names from the sealed record, or prevent the release altogether. Legislators believe identities of unmarried mothers must be protected. But no promise of confidentiality was ever made.
Signed relinquishment removes all parental rights. Whether signed willingly, under duress or terminated involuntarily, parental rights to the child are removed, but the child’s right to the birth certificate remains. After relinquishment, if the child is never adopted and ages out of foster care, that person maintains the birth certificate for life – without the relinquishing parents’ consent or power to redact their names. Therefore, concern over adoptees discovering the identities of their mothers and fathers is pointless.
A child’s name and parents’ names are removed from the official birth record only upon adoption. The child is renamed on the new “birth” certificate and the names of the legal parents replace the names of natural parents. Once adopted, the children lose the right to their own birth certificate.
The amended Adoptee Bill of Rights would give all parents who signed away their parental rights decades ago the new right to redact their names on their adopted-out daughter or son’s birth certificate, or prevent the document’s release. These are powers that other parents do not have. No parent has the right to redact his or her name from a child’s birth certificate. All children become autonomous adults at the age of majority. Adoptees cease to be under natural parent control when the surrender agreement is signed. Adoptees gain the right to be autonomous adults when we reach the age of majority; our adoptive parents are relieved of their parental rights when we become legal adults.
The law would force adoptees, via state confidential intermediaries, to seek permission from their natural parents to obtain a copy of their sealed birth certificate. Adoptees who were removed from abusive parents will be forced to abide by parental authority from the very parents whose rights were involuntarily terminated. The final decision will be made by a judge whether or not adoptees can have that sealed document.
The governor must veto this bill, then advance simpler access legislation: the “New York Bill of Adoptee Rights.” Repealing the 1935 sealed records law, however, would completely restore adoptees’ civil rights to birth certificates by mandating reality-based documentation of birth. Equality under the law to non-adopted people is the goal.
Doris Michol Sippel, formerly known as Joan Wheeler, is the author of “Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity.”
NOW THE COMMENTS…
In the post 9/11 world, why is any government agency refusing to hand over legit identification documents to any citizen? Let me remind you that it is a felony to fly under an assumed name. What’s sad is that the Obama birthers have been ridiculed, but they are absolutley correct: If Obama was an adoptee, then he could have been born outside the US and lied to about it. It is possible an adoptee was born outside the US and doesn’t know that he is lying to say he was born in the US. It is possible for an adoptee to want to grow up and become president and not be able to show his OBC even if he wanted to. For matters of national security, it only begs the question why judges, congress members and adoption groups are so keen in hiding birth certificates and why their lobby has become stronger than our government’s need for transparency and security.
We also know that human trafficking does happen. There is no way to establish that any of these children coming into the US are actually orphans and were not trafficked when there is such a veil of secrecy sorrounding adoption documents. Once again the adoption lobby has made itself more powerful that our government’s ability to fight international crime. Be sure to continue to blame Mexico for undocumented immigrants without ever asking or receiving a number for officially how many children enter the US each year due to adoption, adoption related crime and human trafficking. Please remember the ability for any police agency to fight trafficking depends on their ability to accurately determine if a child was legally adopted or if the human trafficker obtained fraudulent documents. We all know if asked, a sex trafficker is going to tell you that the child was born to them or else legally adopted. The standard police officer on the street is not equipped to determine if a pedophile is lying about a child in his home with fraudulent documents in his hands. For national security and humanitarian reasons, there needs to be transparency in adoption.
We also know that anti-abortion foes say that the fetus deserves to live a “life like ours.” They also claim that they are speaking for “those who have no voice.” Here are the children that were not aborted. Please notice that they are adults and are speaking and yet too many Congressmembers are turning a blind eye and deaf ear. And yet the press largely does not cover this issue, and when they do, they quote adoption lawyers who make adoption law, and not the children who have no say in those laws. Therefore, adoption law is non-representational government as the adoptees have no say in the law when they were born, and they are not beling allowed as adults to reform the law for the future. If you want these fetuses to have a voice then why are you asking them to shut up once they become adults? In order to have a life like ours, their full human and civil rights must be honored—otherwise you have only honored their humanity up to the moment they were born, only to tell them that you don’t feel they are human after they were born.
Christians are also misquoting Jeremiah 1:5 in order to fight abortion. The full quote is this: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” According the Bible you quote to claim that God commands abortion is a sin, is also a command from God to see these children as prophets. By turning a blind eye to adult adoptees, per your own arguments about abortion then, this would mean that you are ignoring the command of God by refusing to listen to what they have to say.
You raise excellent points. Thank you for commenting. We can only hope that our words reach those in power. And perhaps your words will also help to educate, to change the minds of those you address.
Adoptees are ignored by society, very true.
There is only one point that I can add something to: “There is no way to establish that any of these children coming into the US are actually orphans…” It is very imporant to say that even orphans should have the right to their own birth certificates. All orphans were conceived and born to a mother and a father. Just because one of both parents have died does not mean that the orphan should be renamed, issued a new birth certificate which states that this orphan has bee born to strangers who were not invovled in this child’s conception and birth.
This practice of issued new birth certifcates upon adoption must be stopped. Unrestricted access to our sealed birth certificates will give adoptees some ansers, yes, but it will not completely restore our civil rights to our revoked and sealed birth certifcates.
I am a half orphan, by the way, born to a mother who died three months after my birth. That facts of my birth were written as verifyable medical facts through corraborating hosptial records and DNA. There is absolutely no reason why New York State should have revoked and sealed my birth certificate. And no reason to have revoked and sealed hte birth certificates of all other adoptees. This is more than a state problem. This is a USA federal goverment, as you also point out, and a world wide problem. We are the ones speaking out to change the world for the better for an underclass of people.
I was relinquished at birth and then adopted.
Under the US Consitution’s 14th Amendment, the Equal Protection Clause states that certain groups of people cannot be put aside and treated differently under the law than their peers.
This bill being considered by NYS does just that. Any other citizen born in Buffalo, NY can go the the vital statistics office and get their factual birth certificate – the legal record of their birth. Denying that right to me (and other adopted adults) is a violation of our rights guaranteed by the United States of America! Please consider this, Governer Cuomo, before signing this bill and restore our rights and human dignity. Thank you.
Yes, this bill violates the 14th Amendment.
More importantly, the laws that were written and passed in 1935 in New York State (and in every state in the USA) that stole our birth certificates also violate the 14th Amendment because all adopted people are, indeed, treated differently that other American citizens. Non-adopted people are not subject to government annulment and falsification of their birth certificates.
Doris Michol Sippel Yes, the govenor. I pray, will veto the bill and ask lawmakers to send through the real equal rights bill introduced without discrimination toward adopted people.
If original families need to fear (us) adopted individuals perhaps we should all be locked up..
Adoption has been with humanity from our beginnings and it is NOT going away any time soon regardless of those in anti-adoption factions, as this author is. Certainly adoption takes many forms and has many problems; what part of human interactions is without forms and problems.
Certainly, everyone should have their heritage and medical information available to them, but what is the cost…ahh now, that’s what is at the heart of this ‘bill’. I don’t have ‘the answer’ as to how to fix the problems. I can’t think of any institution that man, as in human being, has created to help one another or to solve our social circumstances that is without flaws or that is entered into with flawed thinking or flawed people, think marriage…is it always perfect? That is the nature of humans and our social constructions.
What I find most disturbing about this author’s ‘activism’ and WHY serious thought must be used, by Gov. Cuomo, and others, about this bill is that this author is EXPOSING her adoptive parents, her birth parents, her siblings, her extended family members of both families and presenting FALSE information about them, her adoption, and EXPLOITING THEM as well!
Be it KNOWN that this book, that the author promotes…Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity, is only the THIRD edition of the same falsehoods written by this author AGAINST myself, my family, my PARENTS. This book is NOT about any form of adoption REFORM, will NOT convince anyone including Gov. Cuomo, to changes the laws, but will show the DANGERS that are and can continue to be, to family members who DO NOT want to be exposed or exploited by adoptees who just can’t stand being adopted and CAN’T LET IT GO!
Gov. Cuomo…sign the bill! Don’t allow other families to be exploited!
For those who are reading this – please note that Gert McQueen has a personal vendetta against the OP. This vendetta is unconnected to the present bill. Any attempts to connect the two should be viewed with suspicion.
To address a specific point – adoption has indeed been around for a very long time but it is only recently that the government has taken it upon themselves to officially revise the truth in the form of amended birth records. The fact that such revision is accompanied by laws which prohibit the person whose history has been “revised” from accessing the original document just compounds the injustice. Many adoptees (myself and the OP included) already know the names of their biological parents yet access to the documents that should be ours by right are subject to a judge’s whim and, if this bill is signed by Gov. Cuomo, to the unilateral decision of people who have surrendered or lost all rights with respect to those adoptees.
Gaye Sherman Tannenbaum Vendetta! No, truth telling! Are NOT contrary opinions valid, for this issue, whatever the reason for them? Suspicion works both ways! My opinion is connected to this bill! The very FACT that the author KNOWS her history is NO reason for exposing and exploiting her families, particularly with falsehoods…but then that IS MY POINT and YOURS! REVISIONIST HISTORY.
Amended birth certificates are NOT the only REVISION that occurs, now is it! That is what I’m saying, just because the author says something does not make it true! There are people out there that do NOT want their HISTORIES revised by their children!
Grace Del Real Gert Mcqueen, what does any of that have to do with this bill. I don’t know anything about you or the op, but just because there is drama in your family doesn’t give you the right to use that drama to justify the continuation of the denial of adoptees of their rights.
The majority of adoptions today are open because research has shown it is best practice to ensure that adoptees know their history, their background, and most importantly, their extended family. As far as the argument that access to our obc will lead to adoptees showing up on the doorstep of our birth parents and causing disruption, we don’t need our obc for that. We are already showing up on the doorstep. Consumer based DNA tests have forever blown the whole shame based, secret based closed adoption paradigm out of the water forever. This is about equal access to our records. This is about recognizing adult adoptees as adults, not infants needing protection. If our birth parents suffer from shame because of our births, the best step should be to seek professional help, because with or without our records, if the child you gave up wants to find you, chances are good they will.
Grace Del Real Drama! No such thing! Just reality. Whether an adoptee knows or doesn’t know their parents and family, they do NOT have the right to expose and exploit their parents and family, after the fact. That is what I’m objecting to. If I knew, in 1974, that, that adoptee would destroy MY parents, my family etc. I would never have FOUND HER! No one knows what you will find behind that door!
Certainly NOT all adoptees do that, but this author of this article DOES and that is enough reason for me to OBJECT to this bill. The Governor should SIGN the bill as is, to PROTECT families from being exploited by children like this author, who hate adoption. If you don’t like that, take it up with the author and what she writes against family. HONOR THY MOTHER AND THY FATHER.
I am in favor of open medical records for medical reason if you can’t accept my position that’s too bad I have a RIGHT to my position/opinion!
Kimberly S. Worden-Poledna Gert Mcqueen. Amended birth certificates ARE THE revision.
Birth records are just that, a record surrounding the facts.
Adopted adults did not consent to the revision.
Kimberly S. Worden-Poledna Just like you, I did NOT make the laws. They are what they are! The act of adopting CHANGES parenthood from birth parents to adoptive parents…that’s the way it works. Those rules are there for many reasons, whether you or I like them! I adopted my son, who gave his permission to be adopted. In my state, at age 14 a child gives their PERMISSION to be adopted. My son DID want his name/parentage CHANGED! His amended birth certificate was CORRECT, for him! NO ADOPTION IS THE SAME.
No child ‘consented’ to a revision! Of course not, they are children, they cannot consent. Of course they grow up and become adults and YES, these laws OUGHT to be adjusted to reflect ADULT adoptees; such as giving OUT HEALTH CONDITIONS. But…NOT all parents want their names etc KNOWN to those children that were placed into adoption for ANY REASON. That’s what I and many others object to having BIRTH PARENTS on adoptee birth certificates, because SOME adoptees expose and exploit the birth parents! Fact!
The author of this OP states that ‘dead people can’t sue and neither can their heirs’! Is that true? I don’t know but I do KNOW that my family, MY PARENTS have been expose, exploited and maligned by this OP and this is something that Gov Cuomo needs to hear.
My biological parents are both from Buffalo. My bio-mother was sent away to another state to give birth and relinquish me for adoption. I spent my whole life wondering who my descendants are. Who I look like, act like, who “my people” are. If you doubt how powerful and necessary this information is, look at the explosion of geneology softwear like Ancestry, and DNA test kits like 23 & Me. Humans have a fundemental need to know where they come from. It wasn’t until I was 47 that the state I was born in opened adpotion records to adult adoptees. When I saw the name of my biological parents, something wild and free-floating finally settled inside me. Unfortunately, when I made attemtps to contact them–only out of a desire to know where I come from–they both rejected me. My bio-father even leavied legal threats at me–as if I had done something deeply wrong in wanting to know my roots. I wonder: if they lived in a state that gave equal rights to adoptees, might they be more likely to see me as a human, equally deserving of the same knowledge and dignity as anyone else? The fact that New York treats adopttees like second class citizens reinforces that we are less important, less human, than our non-adopted counterparts.
Liz Here’s some basic FACTS OF LIFE…stuff happens! No one, NO ONE, gets to pick whom they are born to or what their life is! A person is born, stuff happens, you live, you die, that’s it! Social mores come and go and change, what happened in the past may or may not be fair, right or just, but that is what it IS. Same as TODAY, NOTHING is fair and right for EVERYONE…it may be good for you and bad for another…NEVER is it fair FOR ALL. Deal with it!
Yes you should have your history, your ancestry, your medical records and EVEN your parentage! BUT…perhaps PARENTS and SOCIETY don’t agree with you! You make MY CASE! Not every parent wants to know about their children, even those that are ON THE ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE!
There are REASONS WHY adoption records are the way they are! Do I agree with that? NO! But I can certainly UNDERSTAND why the records are SEALED AND SECRET! Not all people are sane, caring, thoughtful and just. My family has been on the receiving end of exposure and exploitation and falsehoods, by an adoptee whom will stop at NOTHING to get a piece of paper that she ALL READY OWNS.
One of main reasons that adoptees are not making progress in getting what they want is BECAUSE of the words and deeds of JUST A FEW misguided adoptees that have CAUSED GREAT HARM TO THEIR FAMILIES. Think about that!
Emm Paul Gert Mcqueen you have very little understanding of the history or law regarding adoption.
You have stalked the author all over the Internet for years. I think there is some seriously wrong with you if you advocate denying adoptees equality just to spite your sister.
Anyone who disturbs other people’s lives should be handled by the court of law – if they have been adopted or not.
Your case assumes that all adopted people are insensitive and rude and wish to go around disrupting others lives.
That is practically the definition of prejudice. Forming your view of an entire group of people due to the actions of a few you have experienced.
Gaye Sherman Tannenbaum For those who don’t know the story – this was not a case of the adoptee contacting the family. The family, her sisters, found and contacted her. Then the relationship went south and this ^^^ is the result.
Gaye Sherman Tannenbaum The author condemned me for adopting my own son and then violated my parental rights by interfering with my minor children, because I would NOT listen to her about the birth certificate; that is when the ‘relationship’ ended in 1980. Each member of the birth family has also ended relationships with the author due to her continued interfering and then writing falsehood and misrepresentations. People who live in glass houses should NOT throw stones.
Emm Paul Gert Mcqueen Yet you continue to stalk her all over the Internet. She’s writing about flawed legislation, which, as an advocate, she knows something about. It affects the equal rights of multiple thousands of adults adopted in New York. You, on the other hand, who are not adopted, have decided to make this all about you and only about you.
Emm Paul I read on the Internet like millions of others! It is her exposing and exploiting of my family in print all over the Internet and in books, it’s not about me, it’s about families being exposed and exploited by adoptees!
Gert Mcqueen I suspect you don’t care about other families.
And if you wanted her to write kindly about you, perhaps you should have behaved better.
None of this has anything to do with the equal rights of adoptees.
Emm Paul Ahh oh wise one! Doing onto to me as you have condemned me for doing! You are right, I only care about MY FAMILY, myself, my children, my parents, my siblings, including Joan/Doris. You are again right and correct…I should have behaved better…I should have allowed her to continue to take more from me and my children BEFORE I pulled the plug telling her to take a hike! I should have believed that I was an unfit mother as SHE WHO KNOWS ALL told me I was because I ADOPTED and didn’t give a crap about a FALSE BIRTH CERTIFICATE and allowed her to continue to go behind my back and poison my children. Yes I was wrong, I should have behaved better and allowed SHE WHO KNOWS BEST FOR ALL PARENTS WHO ADOPT to have her will with my children.
And yes, I should NOT be concerned about any of the PAP (potential adoption parents) or any other individuals that CHOOSES to adopt in any matter when SHE WHO IS SO INFORMED ABOUT ADOPTION RIGHTS EQUAL OR UNEQUAL speaks against any form of adoption. Yes oh wise one! You have set me straight…thank you!
End…be sure to see part two of this piece.
Apparently, sales have NOT been good! How could they be? Who wants to spend money on this idiot’s life? It’s common knowledge that her book is garbage and untrue!
Where’s that OTHER book she was going to publish a YEAR ago, the one with OTHER adoptees? Guess she didn’t get any takers for that! Nope she needs to get out of the book writing selling business!
Before long we will find Joan/Doris standing on street corners hawking her book!
Mainstream adoption reformers DON’T list her book on their book lists; they know that her books are NOT going to help the reform movement and they don’t want to be associated with her when the FAMILY (me) exposes them. And expose I will do!
So she’s found another way! Seen on Facebook…
Under items for sale, we find
€9 Buffalo, NY Available from Amazon. Kindle $9.99. Print $19.99 American Dollars
And her post
Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity.
€9 Buffalo, NY Available from Amazon. Kindle $9.99. Print $19.99 American Dollars
Book Description: The death of my married mother when I was an infant led to my closed adoption. Eighteen years later, I was found by family I did not know I had.
(there then is a picture of the book)
And COMMENTS on the Facebook page
Well BEFORE anyone purchases Joan/Doris’s book they OUGHT to read the reviews, comments and forums on Amazon.
Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum
Joan Mary Wheeler forum
and these sites written my TWO birth family members
https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/ this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.
a Facebook page dedicated to the lying books.
This crap, of Joan/Doris, is just like ‘what would Jesus say’! Attempting to get a sympathy vote, a ‘oh poor me’ attitude, a cop-out from reality and stupidity.
This isn’t the first time that Joan/Doris has done this…only this time she is using both our parents as a means to influence politicians and law-makers.
If Joan/Doris really BELIEVES in wanting to have her BIRTH parents legally RECOGNIZED on her birth certificate, why did she go and write THREE lying books about our parents? Why did she put in PRINT what she DID to our father and portray him negativity, over and over again? Why did she put in PRINT lies about our mother’s medical conditions? Why did she put in PRINT lies about her birth siblings and extended family members?
Both our parents are DEAD and will NEVER speak to their children again. Knowing Joan/Doris is an atheist, she doesn’t believe in the Christian heaven, or any other religious thought or afterlife, she’ll NEVER met or speak to them when she herself dies.
The worst part is that she CONTINUES to exploit them! She says…
Mom, I do it for you, too. And for Dad. You would want me to, wouldn’t you, Mom?
What f…ing BS! Joan/Doris is nothing up a creep, a lying creep, who can’t ACCEPT her life! She doesn’t do this for Mom and Dad…she does it for her SELF! Because she is selfish, needs attention, and will say and do anything to get that attention. IF, IF, IF she truly was doing this for Mom…WHY does she say ‘wouldn’t you, Mom’? That whole thing stinks of DOUBT. Joan/Doris KNOWS deep in her soul that she is NOT DOING RIGHT.
Perhaps the dead DO talk…if one opens their HEART they could hear the loved one say…STOP IT, MOVE ON, LET US REST IN PEACE. But, Joan/Doris has CLOSED her heart and soul…that is why she is in constant pain…she will NOT accept her LIFE.
Now as to the CURRENT political situation; adoptees are asking New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo to Veto the current bills up for his signature (regressive Mother-May-I Bills A5036B/S4845A). The reason is because to them it is a ‘dirty’ bill, because it doesn’t give the adoptees what they want. Perhaps Governor Cuomo OUGHT TO SIGN THE BILL…NOT veto it. What Joan/Doris is doing is EXACTLY what should NOT be done when adoptees gain their birth parents names…expose and exploit them.
It also seems that Joan/Doris STILL can’t have her cake and eat it too…by changing her name legally BACK to her birth name she STILL has to COMPLY with Vital Statics RULES. What a FOOL! Can you image the mess that will happen when a DEATH certificate for this fool is needed!
Here’s the link to her crap…
Are there ethics when writing a ‘memoir’? How does someone exam their own reasons for exposing ‘all’ and how do they know their reasons are sound? What do the experts say?
I’ve read many authors and writing experts on tips for writing, in general and memoirs in particular and for the most part they all present solid reasons and tips. Many memoir writers don’t care about what the experts say, or anyone for that matter, because they are only interested in continuing on with their own HATE agendas.
Seen on Twitter…
Linda Joy Myers Ph.D @MemoirGuru 24 Dec 2016
So I clicked on the link provided and got an error message.
But the post can be seen on these following links
Here now is the article, followed by a few thoughts of my own and links to blogs, Facebook page, discussions on Amazon, about Joan/Doris’s book.
Secrets and Tips: Write a Powerful Memoir
Tuesday, 17 August 2010 18:03 Written by Linda Joy Myers 0 Comments
The release of The Power of Memoir–How to Write Your Healing Story has given me the opportunity to answer questions about memoir writing, from truth to secrets, from families who support the writer to families who threaten to sue if the memoirist tells “the truth.” I’m posting some of the questions every few days to help memoir writers caught in the dilemma between truth, memoir, family, and fiction.
Many writers are torn between the desire to tell the truth and the internal/external pressure to keep family secrets. What do you recommend they do?
It’s important first for the writer to get her story on the page, to write her own truth. Each person has a point of view and his own story that no one else can tell, so he needs to claim it and discover its wisdom by writing about it. This process creates a new perspective that brings forth layers of memories and insights. Exposing these layers is part of the healing process.
And there’s the hot topic in all my workshops: secrets. Secrets are energy magnets. The force it takes to keep secrets hidden is energy that could be used for growth and creativity. So often though, the shame and guilt associated with secrets keep feeding the darkness and the fear. Secrets maintain a great power over us, and we are diminished by them. We become co-conspirators to family dynamics that we don’t agree with and want to break away from. So we get caught in a conflict—to speak or not to speak? Do we remain closed and complicit, or open up and take the risk of losing friends and family, of being ousted from the family, or shamed once again into submission? These are choices that we need to make consciously and with care.
I tell my students to be open to writing two versions of the story: first, write for yourself, to clear out your emotional closet and sort the events that are jumbled up in your mind. Research has shown that writing the unadorned truth is powerful and creates changes in the brain—in other words: it’s healing.
When you put real people in your book, especially if they are identifiable, they should be notified. Even if all the portraits are positive, we’re exposing a real person to the eyes of the world. The convention is to have people read the sections they appear in, if you are on speaking terms. If not, change the names and identifying characteristics, even if that means changing names for the character, the streets, town and anything that exposes them. If published, the legal branch of the publishing company can vet the manuscript as well, but since so many memoirs are self-published, I think it’s important for people to keep these ethics in mind.
Putting the publishing concerns aside for a moment, I think the writer first needs to listen to the voice within, the true author of the story–yourself. Write what you have to say as if no one will read it–you can review it later. You will be different from the writer who began the story. Writing the story will transform you, heal you, and give you a feeling of empowerment.
Be brave–write your story!
Joan/Doris NEVER informed the majority of people whom she writes about. From the beginning she used the FAMILY name and offers many identifying information about everyone. I, my husband and children, were never informed. Nor were others in the families, both birth and adopted.
She indicates that our father saw a draft. Well that particular incident has been rewritten several times, by Joan, after the TRUTH of that episode was brought out, via my own and my sister Ruth’s blogs. Joan rewriting things to cover up a truth is NOT a memoir nor is it ETHICAL nor healing! What it is, is, the proof that she can NOT allow others to tell a different version than her own! That brings in the question of ethics; just why does she write a memoir and rewrite it over and over again? Answer…because she is mentally ill and narcissistic.
Joan/Doris surrounds herself and finds various types of people that will AGREE with her NEED to heal by writing her story, even when it’s been proven to be false. Two of her ‘friends’ wrote positive reviews on Joan’s THIRD edition, AFTER negative reviews were written. They said that updating is a form of healing! What utter bullshit!
Personally I feel that if someone ‘needs’ to write their story to HEAL then they ought NOT TO PUBLISH it! One’s healing is another’s pain! Generally speaking one should journal their feelings in a private fashion BEFORE publishing anything. Then, that raw emotional stuff NEEDS to be filtered with compassion and love BEFORE ever publishing. If the writer is UNABLE to use compassion and love, for the HURT that would/will be inflicted upon those that they DID NOT INFORM beforehand…the writer is guilty of inflicted great harm via unethical methods!
The use of saying its ‘personal healing’ to demean and hurt others is NOT HEALING. Joan/Doris’s use of ‘tit for tat’ is NOT about healing but about HATE.
Now let’s look again at what Linda Joy Myers says in the above…
‘When you put real people in your book, especially if they are identifiable, they should be notified. Even if all the portraits are positive, we’re exposing a real person to the eyes of the world. The convention is to have people read the sections they appear in, if you are on speaking terms. If not, change the names and identifying characteristics, even if that means changing names for the character, the streets, town and anything that exposes them. If published, the legal branch of the publishing company can vet the manuscript as well, but since so many memoirs are self-published, I think it’s important for people to keep these ethics in mind.’
Recapping… Real people were NOT notified, changing name etc was NOT done completely because of the use of the real FAMILY NAMES. The first book Joan had published, she LIED to the publisher by stating all was truth. But when they received evidence from family, they PULLED the book citing that Joan VIOLATED their contract. And so the 2nd and 3rd, editions being SELF-PUBLISHED, the family members are held hostages to Joan/Doris’s versions of OUR LIVES. She does NOT care about ethics!
This is how Joan/Doris feels about ethics, directly from her self-published editions.
For more information and links where a reader will find the TRUTH…
Here are links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!
https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/ this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor
this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.
Also see this Facebook page
In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.
Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum
review of first book and 4 comments
So it was inevitable that Joan/Doris would get her ‘pals and friends’ to come again and write reviews for her ‘new’ book! It took a few months but come they did. Self-publishing must be a drag!; always having to update material when your critics find something wrong with what you wrote, always having to go back to your friends to rewrite yet another review!
So here is number 5 on the hit parade!
The author of Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle … By M. Euler on January 14, 2017
The author of Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity has recently changed her name from Joan Wheeler to Doris Michol Sippel reclaiming her birth name, bringing additional healing to the ongoing process she continues to experience. The new book cover and updating of the book is also part of the process of truth telling.
Doris’ memoir describes the pain of having been a “victim” of a closed adoption. She highlights an experience that shaped the lives of many adoptees as they were funneled into the adoption system that was in place during that period of time in our society when it common for all records to be sealed, and those involved sworn to secrecy.
Being “found” by her birth family introduced Doris to a very emotional period. She experienced many ups and downs as she tried to come to terms with the secrecy and dishonesty that played into all her familial relationships.
Joan’s need to understand the rules she’d been forced to live under provided the impetus for her to speak out against the system, and write about her experience. She became active in the American Adoptees Congress, finding encouragement and support from other adoptees and a community of professionals where her experiences were understood and validated.
Today she continues to speak out and write, finding areas where she can make a difference and to ensure the future of open adoptions.
Here is MY COMMENT… Jan 14, 2017 11:18:37 AM PST
gert mcqueen says:
It would have been much better for the AUTHOR to state, on the onset, when this book was first made available to purchase, that her name had changed and that the book is a revision. Because the author did not, this edition still is a rip-off and a con-job.
This reviewer NOW takes on the job of informing the buying public what the author SHOULD have done; she changed her name, book has a new cover, and is updated! Oh and it’s all part of the healing process and the process of truth telling! Yep, that’s right, Joan/Doris tells the truth and she is SO into the healing process NOT!
The first paragraph of this review is the only new thing that M. Euler has to say; the balance of the review is a repeat of what was said of the last incarnation of this book. In fact, this reviewer has only written two reviews, for the same book! Nice to have a friend that covers things for you while going along with the author’s need for healing and truth telling; excuse me while I wipe off the junk that has collected! When people wear their victim-hood and their pain on their sleeves they obviously NEED and CRAVE attention! They are NOT helping anyone!
Comment Posted on Jan 21, 2017 Ruth Pace says:
On January 11 2017, one of Joan/Doris’ friends, Fred Tomasello Jr, wrote a review, and then on January 14, 2017, another one of Joan/Doris’ friends, Michael Euler also published a review. Fred repeated his previous review of the version “Forbidden Family Duped by Adoption” but added a new paragraph in the beginning. He starts with this sentence: “This book has been updated by the author, has a new cover and the author’s name is now accurate.”
Michael Euler’s first sentance says just about the same thing: “The author of Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity has recently changed her name from Joan Wheeler to Doris Michol Sippel reclaiming her birth name, bringing additional healing to the ongoing process she continues to experience. The new book cover and updating of the book is also part of the process of truth telling.”
I only wish to address these two sentences, both expressing the need for TRUTH and ACCURACY. I, also am for TRUTH AND ACCURACY, and that’s what I said in my review in September 2016 when I showed that Joan/Doris was playing the classic bait and switch with amazon customers? WHERE WAS THE TRUTH AND ACCURACY FOR POTENTIAL BOOK BUYERS?
Fred and Michael are championing for TRUTH and ACCURACY – but only when it comes to ADOPTEES. And that’s NOT the issue here.The issue is Joan/Doris did NOT make it clear to the buying public that “Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity” is essentially the same book/product as the book/product called “Forbidden Family Duped by Adoption” — further, there was NO explanation that Doris Michol Sippel was formerly known as Joan Mary Wheeler.
Joan Mary Wheeler legally changing her name to her birth name of Doris Michol Sippel may reflect TRUTH AND ACCURACY for adoptees/adoption issues/adoption reform, but it is NOT TRUTH AND ACCURACY FOR THE BUYING PUBLIC. Fred and Michael need to learn more about consumerism, false advertising, bait and switch, and other scams. And while I have your attention, I have come to see that for many adoptees, TRUTH and ACCURACY applies ONLY to them – the rest of us can have lies told about us, and that’s just fine with them.
Link to Euler’s first review
links to discussion forums related to this third incarnation of the same book.
Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum
Joan Mary Wheeler forum
review of first book and 4 comments
Permalink to this review and comments…
For those of you who don’t want to go via the link to see M. Euler’s first review here it is…
Joan Wheeler’s memoir describes the pain of having been a …, October 14, 2015 By M. Euler
This review is from: Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption (Kindle Edition)
Joan Wheeler’s memoir describes the pain of having been a “victim” of a closed adoption. She highlights an experience that shaped the lives of many adoptees as they were funneled into the adoption system that was in place during that period of time in our society when it was common for all records to be sealed and those involved sworn to secrecy.
Being “found” by her birth family introduced Joan to a very emotional period. She experienced many ups and downs unable to come to terms with the secrecy and dishonesty that played into all her familial relationships.
Joan’s need to understand the rules she’d been living under provided the impetus for her to speak out against the system and write about her experience. She became active in the American Adoptees Congress finding encouragement and support from other adoptees and a community of professionals where her experiences were understood and validated.
Today she continues to speak out and write where she can make a difference and to ensure the future of open adoptions.
Here is the link to my blog post of M. Euler’s first review…
and these links about the first three reviews and another ‘friend’s’ review…
That’s all for now…