1 of 2; Op-ed article, by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel, gets insider attention from Gert McQueen! Part one of two

There’s always another side of any story!

DISCLAIMER…Whenever one writes a public article, on any Internet site, and/or comments on a public article, or writes a comment on a PUBLIC Facebook account that is plainly labeled as a PUBLIC post, there is NO EXPECTATION OF PRIVACY. That being said, the commentators on this, on-line Buffalo News story, have given their ‘right’ to privacy away and publishing their names here, on a public blog, is PART and PARCEL of the News story.

http://buffalonews.com/2017/07/14/another-voice-cuomo-must-veto-flawed-adoptee-bill/

“Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.”

― Native American Proverb

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones, particularly Joan/Doris! Her past deeds and words will ALWAYS follow her, regardless whether or not any of her friends care to acknowledge that, MANY OTHERS read the same news stories and have minds of their own to determine whether or not Joan/Doris is what she says she is!

Be sure to see part two here… 2 of 2; Op-ed article, by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel, gets insider attention from Gert McQueen! Part two of two.

The following is all self-explanatory. Most of the comments are dated from July 14 to July 16, 2017, but do check the following link to see all the comments and their dates.

http://buffalonews.com/2017/07/14/another-voice-cuomo-must-veto-flawed-adoptee-bill/

Another Voice: Cuomo must veto flawed adoptee bill

By Another Voice | Published July 14, 2017 | Updated July 14, 2017

By Doris Michol Sippel

Even though I legally reclaimed my name of birth, New York State sealed my birth certificate and won’t give it back. Since 1935, birth certificates of adopted people in New York State are revoked, sealed and replaced.

Legislation to allow access to sealed records recently passed the Assembly and Senate. But adoptees are asking Gov. Andrew Cuomo to veto the “Adoptee Bill of Rights.” That’s because amendments will allow parents who signed away their parental rights to redact their names from the sealed record, or prevent the release altogether. Legislators believe identities of unmarried mothers must be protected. But no promise of confidentiality was ever made.

Signed relinquishment removes all parental rights. Whether signed willingly, under duress or terminated involuntarily, parental rights to the child are removed, but the child’s right to the birth certificate remains. After relinquishment, if the child is never adopted and ages out of foster care, that person maintains the birth certificate for life – without the relinquishing parents’ consent or power to redact their names. Therefore, concern over adoptees discovering the identities of their mothers and fathers is pointless.

A child’s name and parents’ names are removed from the official birth record only upon adoption. The child is renamed on the new “birth” certificate and the names of the legal parents replace the names of natural parents. Once adopted, the children lose the right to their own birth certificate.

The amended Adoptee Bill of Rights would give all parents who signed away their parental rights decades ago the new right to redact their names on their adopted-out daughter or son’s birth certificate, or prevent the document’s release. These are powers that other parents do not have. No parent has the right to redact his or her name from a child’s birth certificate. All children become autonomous adults at the age of majority. Adoptees cease to be under natural parent control when the surrender agreement is signed. Adoptees gain the right to be autonomous adults when we reach the age of majority; our adoptive parents are relieved of their parental rights when we become legal adults.

The law would force adoptees, via state confidential intermediaries, to seek permission from their natural parents to obtain a copy of their sealed birth certificate. Adoptees who were removed from abusive parents will be forced to abide by parental authority from the very parents whose rights were involuntarily terminated. The final decision will be made by a judge whether or not adoptees can have that sealed document.

The governor must veto this bill, then advance simpler access legislation: the “New York Bill of Adoptee Rights.” Repealing the 1935 sealed records law, however, would completely restore adoptees’ civil rights to birth certificates by mandating reality-based documentation of birth. Equality under the law to non-adopted people is the goal.

Doris Michol Sippel, formerly known as Joan Wheeler, is the author of “Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity.”

NOW THE COMMENTS…

Misti Stilipec

In the post 9/11 world, why is any government agency refusing to hand over legit identification documents to any citizen? Let me remind you that it is a felony to fly under an assumed name. What’s sad is that the Obama birthers have been ridiculed, but they are absolutley correct: If Obama was an adoptee, then he could have been born outside the US and lied to about it. It is possible an adoptee was born outside the US and doesn’t know that he is lying to say he was born in the US. It is possible for an adoptee to want to grow up and become president and not be able to show his OBC even if he wanted to. For matters of national security, it only begs the question why judges, congress members and adoption groups are so keen in hiding birth certificates and why their lobby has become stronger than our government’s need for transparency and security.

We also know that human trafficking does happen. There is no way to establish that any of these children coming into the US are actually orphans and were not trafficked when there is such a veil of secrecy sorrounding adoption documents. Once again the adoption lobby has made itself more powerful that our government’s ability to fight international crime. Be sure to continue to blame Mexico for undocumented immigrants without ever asking or receiving a number for officially how many children enter the US each year due to adoption, adoption related crime and human trafficking. Please remember the ability for any police agency to fight trafficking depends on their ability to accurately determine if a child was legally adopted or if the human trafficker obtained fraudulent documents. We all know if asked, a sex trafficker is going to tell you that the child was born to them or else legally adopted. The standard police officer on the street is not equipped to determine if a pedophile is lying about a child in his home with fraudulent documents in his hands. For national security and humanitarian reasons, there needs to be transparency in adoption.

We also know that anti-abortion foes say that the fetus deserves to live a “life like ours.” They also claim that they are speaking for “those who have no voice.” Here are the children that were not aborted. Please notice that they are adults and are speaking and yet too many Congressmembers are turning a blind eye and deaf ear. And yet the press largely does not cover this issue, and when they do, they quote adoption lawyers who make adoption law, and not the children who have no say in those laws. Therefore, adoption law is non-representational government as the adoptees have no say in the law when they were born, and they are not beling allowed as adults to reform the law for the future. If you want these fetuses to have a voice then why are you asking them to shut up once they become adults? In order to have a life like ours, their full human and civil rights must be honored—otherwise you have only honored their humanity up to the moment they were born, only to tell them that you don’t feel they are human after they were born.

Christians are also misquoting Jeremiah 1:5 in order to fight abortion. The full quote is this: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” According the Bible you quote to claim that God commands abortion is a sin, is also a command from God to see these children as prophets. By turning a blind eye to adult adoptees, per your own arguments about abortion then, this would mean that you are ignoring the command of God by refusing to listen to what they have to say.

Doris Michol Sippel

You raise excellent points. Thank you for commenting. We can only hope that our words reach those in power. And perhaps your words will also help to educate, to change the minds of those you address.
Adoptees are ignored by society, very true.

There is only one point that I can add something to: “There is no way to establish that any of these children coming into the US are actually orphans…” It is very imporant to say that even orphans should have the right to their own birth certificates. All orphans were conceived and born to a mother and a father. Just because one of both parents have died does not mean that the orphan should be renamed, issued a new birth certificate which states that this orphan has bee born to strangers who were not invovled in this child’s conception and birth.

This practice of issued new birth certifcates upon adoption must be stopped. Unrestricted access to our sealed birth certificates will give adoptees some ansers, yes, but it will not completely restore our civil rights to our revoked and sealed birth certifcates.

I am a half orphan, by the way, born to a mother who died three months after my birth. That facts of my birth were written as verifyable medical facts through corraborating hosptial records and DNA. There is absolutely no reason why New York State should have revoked and sealed my birth certificate. And no reason to have revoked and sealed hte birth certificates of all other adoptees. This is more than a state problem. This is a USA federal goverment, as you also point out, and a world wide problem. We are the ones speaking out to change the world for the better for an underclass of people.

Kimberly S. Worden-Poledna

I was relinquished at birth and then adopted.
Under the US Consitution’s 14th Amendment, the Equal Protection Clause states that certain groups of people cannot be put aside and treated differently under the law than their peers.

This bill being considered by NYS does just that. Any other citizen born in Buffalo, NY can go the the vital statistics office and get their factual birth certificate – the legal record of their birth. Denying that right to me (and other adopted adults) is a violation of our rights guaranteed by the United States of America! Please consider this, Governer Cuomo, before signing this bill and restore our rights and human dignity. Thank you.

Doris Michol Sippel

Yes, this bill violates the 14th Amendment.
More importantly, the laws that were written and passed in 1935 in New York State (and in every state in the USA) that stole our birth certificates also violate the 14th Amendment because all adopted people are, indeed, treated differently that other American citizens. Non-adopted people are not subject to government annulment and falsification of their birth certificates.

Kimberly S. Worden-Poledna

Doris Michol Sippel Yes, the govenor. I pray, will veto the bill and ask lawmakers to send through the real equal rights bill introduced without discrimination toward adopted people.
If original families need to fear (us) adopted individuals perhaps we should all be locked up..

Gert Mcqueen

Adoption has been with humanity from our beginnings and it is NOT going away any time soon regardless of those in anti-adoption factions, as this author is. Certainly adoption takes many forms and has many problems; what part of human interactions is without forms and problems.

Certainly, everyone should have their heritage and medical information available to them, but what is the cost…ahh now, that’s what is at the heart of this ‘bill’. I don’t have ‘the answer’ as to how to fix the problems. I can’t think of any institution that man, as in human being, has created to help one another or to solve our social circumstances that is without flaws or that is entered into with flawed thinking or flawed people, think marriage…is it always perfect? That is the nature of humans and our social constructions.

What I find most disturbing about this author’s ‘activism’ and WHY serious thought must be used, by Gov. Cuomo, and others, about this bill is that this author is EXPOSING her adoptive parents, her birth parents, her siblings, her extended family members of both families and presenting FALSE information about them, her adoption, and EXPLOITING THEM as well!

Be it KNOWN that this book, that the author promotes…Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity, is only the THIRD edition of the same falsehoods written by this author AGAINST myself, my family, my PARENTS. This book is NOT about any form of adoption REFORM, will NOT convince anyone including Gov. Cuomo, to changes the laws, but will show the DANGERS that are and can continue to be, to family members who DO NOT want to be exposed or exploited by adoptees who just can’t stand being adopted and CAN’T LET IT GO!
Gov. Cuomo…sign the bill! Don’t allow other families to be exploited!

Gaye Sherman Tannenbaum

For those who are reading this – please note that Gert McQueen has a personal vendetta against the OP. This vendetta is unconnected to the present bill. Any attempts to connect the two should be viewed with suspicion.
To address a specific point – adoption has indeed been around for a very long time but it is only recently that the government has taken it upon themselves to officially revise the truth in the form of amended birth records. The fact that such revision is accompanied by laws which prohibit the person whose history has been “revised” from accessing the original document just compounds the injustice. Many adoptees (myself and the OP included) already know the names of their biological parents yet access to the documents that should be ours by right are subject to a judge’s whim and, if this bill is signed by Gov. Cuomo, to the unilateral decision of people who have surrendered or lost all rights with respect to those adoptees.

Gert Mcqueen

Gaye Sherman Tannenbaum Vendetta! No, truth telling! Are NOT contrary opinions valid, for this issue, whatever the reason for them? Suspicion works both ways! My opinion is connected to this bill! The very FACT that the author KNOWS her history is NO reason for exposing and exploiting her families, particularly with falsehoods…but then that IS MY POINT and YOURS! REVISIONIST HISTORY.

Amended birth certificates are NOT the only REVISION that occurs, now is it! That is what I’m saying, just because the author says something does not make it true! There are people out there that do NOT want their HISTORIES revised by their children!

Grace Del Real  Gert Mcqueen, what does any of that have to do with this bill. I don’t know anything about you or the op, but just because there is drama in your family doesn’t give you the right to use that drama to justify the continuation of the denial of adoptees of their rights.
The majority of adoptions today are open because research has shown it is best practice to ensure that adoptees know their history, their background, and most importantly, their extended family. As far as the argument that access to our obc will lead to adoptees showing up on the doorstep of our birth parents and causing disruption, we don’t need our obc for that. We are already showing up on the doorstep. Consumer based DNA tests have forever blown the whole shame based, secret based closed adoption paradigm out of the water forever. This is about equal access to our records. This is about recognizing adult adoptees as adults, not infants needing protection. If our birth parents suffer from shame because of our births, the best step should be to seek professional help, because with or without our records, if the child you gave up wants to find you, chances are good they will.

Gert Mcqueen

Grace Del Real Drama! No such thing! Just reality. Whether an adoptee knows or doesn’t know their parents and family, they do NOT have the right to expose and exploit their parents and family, after the fact. That is what I’m objecting to. If I knew, in 1974, that, that adoptee would destroy MY parents, my family etc. I would never have FOUND HER! No one knows what you will find behind that door!

Certainly NOT all adoptees do that, but this author of this article DOES and that is enough reason for me to OBJECT to this bill. The Governor should SIGN the bill as is, to PROTECT families from being exploited by children like this author, who hate adoption. If you don’t like that, take it up with the author and what she writes against family. HONOR THY MOTHER AND THY FATHER.
I am in favor of open medical records for medical reason if you can’t accept my position that’s too bad I have a RIGHT to my position/opinion!

Kimberly S. Worden-Poledna Gert Mcqueen. Amended birth certificates ARE THE revision.
Birth records are just that, a record surrounding the facts.
Adopted adults did not consent to the revision.

Gert Mcqueen

Kimberly S. Worden-Poledna Just like you, I did NOT make the laws. They are what they are! The act of adopting CHANGES parenthood from birth parents to adoptive parents…that’s the way it works. Those rules are there for many reasons, whether you or I like them! I adopted my son, who gave his permission to be adopted. In my state, at age 14 a child gives their PERMISSION to be adopted. My son DID want his name/parentage CHANGED! His amended birth certificate was CORRECT, for him! NO ADOPTION IS THE SAME.

No child ‘consented’ to a revision! Of course not, they are children, they cannot consent. Of course they grow up and become adults and YES, these laws OUGHT to be adjusted to reflect ADULT adoptees; such as giving OUT HEALTH CONDITIONS. But…NOT all parents want their names etc KNOWN to those children that were placed into adoption for ANY REASON. That’s what I and many others object to having BIRTH PARENTS on adoptee birth certificates, because SOME adoptees expose and exploit the birth parents! Fact!
The author of this OP states that ‘dead people can’t sue and neither can their heirs’! Is that true? I don’t know but I do KNOW that my family, MY PARENTS have been expose, exploited and maligned by this OP and this is something that Gov Cuomo needs to hear.

Liz Prato

My biological parents are both from Buffalo. My bio-mother was sent away to another state to give birth and relinquish me for adoption. I spent my whole life wondering who my descendants are. Who I look like, act like, who “my people” are. If you doubt how powerful and necessary this information is, look at the explosion of geneology softwear like Ancestry, and DNA test kits like 23 & Me. Humans have a fundemental need to know where they come from. It wasn’t until I was 47 that the state I was born in opened adpotion records to adult adoptees. When I saw the name of my biological parents, something wild and free-floating finally settled inside me. Unfortunately, when I made attemtps to contact them–only out of a desire to know where I come from–they both rejected me. My bio-father even leavied legal threats at me–as if I had done something deeply wrong in wanting to know my roots. I wonder: if they lived in a state that gave equal rights to adoptees, might they be more likely to see me as a human, equally deserving of the same knowledge and dignity as anyone else? The fact that New York treats adopttees like second class citizens reinforces that we are less important, less human, than our non-adopted counterparts.

Gert Mcqueen

Liz Here’s some basic FACTS OF LIFE…stuff happens! No one, NO ONE, gets to pick whom they are born to or what their life is! A person is born, stuff happens, you live, you die, that’s it! Social mores come and go and change, what happened in the past may or may not be fair, right or just, but that is what it IS. Same as TODAY, NOTHING is fair and right for EVERYONE…it may be good for you and bad for another…NEVER is it fair FOR ALL. Deal with it!

Yes you should have your history, your ancestry, your medical records and EVEN your parentage! BUT…perhaps PARENTS and SOCIETY don’t agree with you! You make MY CASE! Not every parent wants to know about their children, even those that are ON THE ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE!

There are REASONS WHY adoption records are the way they are! Do I agree with that? NO! But I can certainly UNDERSTAND why the records are SEALED AND SECRET! Not all people are sane, caring, thoughtful and just. My family has been on the receiving end of exposure and exploitation and falsehoods, by an adoptee whom will stop at NOTHING to get a piece of paper that she ALL READY OWNS.

One of main reasons that adoptees are not making progress in getting what they want is BECAUSE of the words and deeds of JUST A FEW misguided adoptees that have CAUSED GREAT HARM TO THEIR FAMILIES. Think about that!

Emm Paul   Gert Mcqueen you have very little understanding of the history or law regarding adoption.
You have stalked the author all over the Internet for years. I think there is some seriously wrong with you if you advocate denying adoptees equality just to spite your sister.

Kimberly S. Worden-Poledna

Anyone who disturbs other people’s lives should be handled by the court of law – if they have been adopted or not.
Your case assumes that all adopted people are insensitive and rude and wish to go around disrupting others lives.
That is practically the definition of prejudice. Forming your view of an entire group of people due to the actions of a few you have experienced.

Gaye Sherman Tannenbaum  For those who don’t know the story – this was not a case of the adoptee contacting the family. The family, her sisters, found and contacted her. Then the relationship went south and this ^^^ is the result.

Gert Mcqueen

Gaye Sherman Tannenbaum The author condemned me for adopting my own son and then violated my parental rights by interfering with my minor children, because I would NOT listen to her about the birth certificate; that is when the ‘relationship’ ended in 1980. Each member of the birth family has also ended relationships with the author due to her continued interfering and then writing falsehood and misrepresentations. People who live in glass houses should NOT throw stones.

Emm Paul  Gert Mcqueen Yet you continue to stalk her all over the Internet. She’s writing about flawed legislation, which, as an advocate, she knows something about. It affects the equal rights of multiple thousands of adults adopted in New York. You, on the other hand, who are not adopted, have decided to make this all about you and only about you.

Gert Mcqueen

Emm Paul I read on the Internet like millions of others! It is her exposing and exploiting of my family in print all over the Internet and in books, it’s not about me, it’s about families being exposed and exploited by adoptees!

Emm Paul

Gert Mcqueen I suspect you don’t care about other families.
And if you wanted her to write kindly about you, perhaps you should have behaved better.
None of this has anything to do with the equal rights of adoptees.

Gert Mcqueen

Emm Paul Ahh oh wise one! Doing onto to me as you have condemned me for doing! You are right, I only care about MY FAMILY, myself, my children, my parents, my siblings, including Joan/Doris. You are again right and correct…I should have behaved better…I should have allowed her to continue to take more from me and my children BEFORE I pulled the plug telling her to take a hike! I should have believed that I was an unfit mother as SHE WHO KNOWS ALL told me I was because I ADOPTED and didn’t give a crap about a FALSE BIRTH CERTIFICATE and allowed her to continue to go behind my back and poison my children. Yes I was wrong, I should have behaved better and allowed SHE WHO KNOWS BEST FOR ALL PARENTS WHO ADOPT to have her will with my children.
And yes, I should NOT be concerned about any of the PAP (potential adoption parents) or any other individuals that CHOOSES to adopt in any matter when SHE WHO IS SO INFORMED ABOUT ADOPTION RIGHTS EQUAL OR UNEQUAL speaks against any form of adoption. Yes oh wise one! You have set me straight…thank you!

End…be sure to see part two of this piece.

Doris M Sippel/Joan M Wheeler doesn’t care about ethics! She just exposes & exploits two families with her hate!

Are there ethics when writing a ‘memoir’? How does someone exam their own reasons for exposing ‘all’ and how do they know their reasons are sound? What do the experts say?

I’ve read many authors and writing experts on tips for writing, in general and memoirs in particular and for the most part they all present solid reasons and tips. Many memoir writers don’t care about what the experts say, or anyone for that matter, because they are only interested in continuing on with their own HATE agendas.

Seen on Twitter…

Linda Joy Myers Ph.D ‏@MemoirGuru  24 Dec 2016

When you put real people in your memoir, even if the portraits are positive, it’s good form to notify them. http://bit.ly/2dGEsnl  #memoir

^^^^

So I clicked on the link provided and got an error message.

http://namw.org/2010/08/secrets-and-tips-write-a-powerful-memoir/

But the post can be seen on these following links

http://namw.org/blog/

http://namw.org/author/linda/page/91/

Here now is the article, followed by a few thoughts of my own and links to blogs, Facebook page, discussions on Amazon, about Joan/Doris’s book.

Secrets and Tips: Write a Powerful Memoir

Tuesday, 17 August 2010 18:03 Written by Linda Joy Myers 0 Comments

The release of The Power of Memoir–How to Write Your Healing Story has given me the opportunity to answer questions about memoir writing, from truth to secrets, from families who support the writer to families who threaten to sue if the memoirist tells “the truth.” I’m posting some of the questions every few days to help memoir writers caught in the dilemma between truth, memoir, family, and fiction.

Many writers are torn between the desire to tell the truth and the internal/external pressure to keep family secrets. What do you recommend they do?

It’s important first for the writer to get her story on the page, to write her own truth. Each person has a point of view and his own story that no one else can tell, so he needs to claim it and discover its wisdom by writing about it. This process creates a new perspective that brings forth layers of memories and insights. Exposing these layers is part of the healing process.

And there’s the hot topic in all my workshops: secrets. Secrets are energy magnets. The force it takes to keep secrets hidden is energy that could be used for growth and creativity. So often though, the shame and guilt associated with secrets keep feeding the darkness and the fear. Secrets maintain a great power over us, and we are diminished by them. We become co-conspirators to family dynamics that we don’t agree with and want to break away from. So we get caught in a conflict—to speak or not to speak? Do we remain closed and complicit, or open up and take the risk of losing friends and family, of being ousted from the family, or shamed once again into submission? These are choices that we need to make consciously and with care.

I tell my students to be open to writing two versions of the story: first, write for yourself, to clear out your emotional closet and sort the events that are jumbled up in your mind. Research has shown that writing the unadorned truth is powerful and creates changes in the brain—in other words: it’s healing.

When you put real people in your book, especially if they are identifiable, they should be notified. Even if all the portraits are positive, we’re exposing a real person to the eyes of the world. The convention is to have people read the sections they appear in, if you are on speaking terms. If not, change the names and identifying characteristics, even if that means changing names for the character, the streets, town and anything that exposes them. If published, the legal branch of the publishing company can vet the manuscript as well, but since so many memoirs are self-published, I think it’s important for people to keep these ethics in mind.

Putting the publishing concerns aside for a moment, I think the writer first needs to listen to the voice within, the true author of the story–yourself. Write what you have to say as if no one will read it–you can review it later. You will be different from the writer who began the story. Writing the story will transform you, heal you, and give you a feeling of empowerment.
Be brave–write your story!

^^^^^

My comments…

Joan/Doris NEVER informed the majority of people whom she writes about. From the beginning she used the FAMILY name and offers many identifying information about everyone. I, my husband and children, were never informed. Nor were others in the families, both birth and adopted.

She indicates that our father saw a draft. Well that particular incident has been rewritten several times, by Joan, after the TRUTH of that episode was brought out, via my own and my sister Ruth’s blogs. Joan rewriting things to cover up a truth is NOT a memoir nor is it ETHICAL nor healing! What it is, is, the proof that she can NOT allow others to tell a different version than her own! That brings in the question of ethics; just why does she write a memoir and rewrite it over and over again? Answer…because she is mentally ill and narcissistic.

Joan/Doris surrounds herself and finds various types of people that will AGREE with her NEED to heal by writing her story, even when it’s been proven to be false. Two of her ‘friends’ wrote positive reviews on Joan’s THIRD edition, AFTER negative reviews were written. They said that updating is a form of healing! What utter bullshit!

Personally I feel that if someone ‘needs’ to write their story to HEAL then they ought NOT TO PUBLISH it! One’s healing is another’s pain! Generally speaking one should journal their feelings in a private fashion BEFORE publishing anything. Then, that raw emotional stuff NEEDS to be filtered with compassion and love BEFORE ever publishing. If the writer is UNABLE to use compassion and love, for the HURT that would/will be inflicted upon those that they DID NOT INFORM beforehand…the writer is guilty of inflicted great harm via unethical methods!

The use of saying its ‘personal healing’ to demean and hurt others is NOT HEALING. Joan/Doris’s use of ‘tit for tat’ is NOT about healing but about HATE.

Now let’s look again at what  Linda Joy Myers  says in the above…

‘When you put real people in your book, especially if they are identifiable, they should be notified. Even if all the portraits are positive, we’re exposing a real person to the eyes of the world. The convention is to have people read the sections they appear in, if you are on speaking terms. If not, change the names and identifying characteristics, even if that means changing names for the character, the streets, town and anything that exposes them. If published, the legal branch of the publishing company can vet the manuscript as well, but since so many memoirs are self-published, I think it’s important for people to keep these ethics in mind.’

Recapping… Real people were NOT notified, changing name etc was NOT done completely because of the use of the real FAMILY NAMES. The first book Joan had published, she LIED to the publisher by stating all was truth. But when they received evidence from family, they PULLED the book citing that Joan VIOLATED their contract. And so the 2nd and 3rd, editions being SELF-PUBLISHED, the family members are held hostages to Joan/Doris’s versions of OUR LIVES. She does NOT care about ethics!

This is how Joan/Doris feels about ethics, directly from her self-published editions.

exposehate-2

For more information and links where a reader will find the TRUTH…

Here are links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/   this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/

this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.

Also see this Facebook page

https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoptionStruggleforIdentity1/

In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.

Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Adoptee-Duped-Adoption/forum/Fx16ZHWP5PQHHCK/-/1/ref=cm_cd_fp_rvt?_encoding=UTF8&asin=B00X520CGW

https://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/forum.html/ref=cm_cd_rvt?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx3T0YAD0KXNPP5

review of first book and 4 comments

https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Family-Joan-M-Wheeler/dp/1412061547

end

If this is HOW Doris M Sippel/Joan M Wheeler behaves, towards another author, at her FIRST BOOK SIGNING, than she ought to be banned from book signings!

Doris/Joan is an idiot! She’s so in love with herself and her so-called message to the public that she doesn’t see that she makes an ass out of herself. But I’m sure others see her behavior, as you will see within this post.

There are THREE separate items in this post; all are related to each other.

I was shown a Facebook page announcement for a book signing, where Doris/Joan was to be in attendance, AFTER the show was over. Ruth and I then left a couple of comments.

ITEM ONE  

See this for the announcement. The Buffalo History Museum added 12 new photosNovember 25 at 3:13pm

Ruth Herr Sippel Pace             I did not attend this – but will say this: Doris Michol Sippel’s book “Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity,” is nothing but a rehash of a book that she had pubished in 2009 by Trafford Publications under her adopted name of Joan Mary Wheeler, entitled “Forbidden Family.” That book was pulled from publication when proof of libelous statement contained within the book was sent to Trafford.

In November 2015, Ms. Wheeler self-published the book as “Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption, ” via Amazon’s Kindle.

In May 2016, Ms. Wheeler legally changed her name to the name she was given at birth, Doris Michol Sippel. She then had her book published AGAIN in September 2016 via Amazon’s Kindle under her new name, and changed the title to the book AGAIN to “Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity,” with no explanation to her customers of her name change or why she keeps changing the title of her book.

Each edition of her book remains 90% the same, the self-published kindle editions contain the same libelous materials that caused her first paperback edition to have been pulled from publication, and with additional libelous materials added in.

While I applaud local events giving local authors a venue to showcase their works, I suggest in the future, the persons organizing such events do some research on the authors and their material.

Discussions on Doris Michol Sippel’s (aka Joan Mary Wheeler) are readily found on google. please see this blog post: “Con Artist Joan Mary Wheeler, now known as Doris Michol Sippel strikes again by peddling to an unsuspecting public a book with a new title, a new author-name, BUT THE SAME CONTENTS INSIDE. ”  https://ruthsippelpace.wordpress.com/…/con-artist-joan…/

November 27 at 11:58am

Gert Mcqueen              I wish to inform your institution of the undesirable nature of a local author and her book. I am a family member to Doris Michol Sippel also known as Joan M Wheeler. Her book is a NOT a true story, it is filled with malicious fabrications and libel towards every member of TWO families; her birth and adoptive families. Please do not allow her to use your GOOD NAME to continue to damage family members. PLEASE look at Amazon for the reviews on her titles as well as my blog and Facebook pages.

Here are links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism’ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!

https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoptionStruggleforIdent…/
thank you Gert Sippel McQueen

THEN AFTER WE SAW ITEM TWO (IN THIS POST) WE WROTE THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS

Ruth Herr Sippel Pace          it has come to my attention via an anti-adoption facebook page, that Doris Michol Sippel had started screaming at another author at this event. Because the other author had questioned her about adoption and did not use ‘correct’ adoption terminology. And has now published that other author’s phone number and other contact information and has asked other ‘angry adult adoptees” to spam that author.

This book signing was Ms. Sippel’s first book signing event and she blew it by acting like a child. Then further complicates matters by engaging in revenge tactics. The libel containied in Ms. Sippel’s book that I speak about in my previous comment of November 27 were ‘revenge tactics’ agaisnt me.

I applaud the museum giving authors a venue to meet and greet the public and sell their works, and as a family member of Ms. Sippel, I extend my apologies for her behavor.

December 3 at 6:06pm

Gert Mcqueen          if Doris M Sippel/Joan M Wheeler goes to book signings for the purpose of continued exploitation of 2 her families to promote her anti-adoption politics and ends up arguing with other authors and exposing them to spam tactics, because they are pro-adoption, then Doris/Joan ought to be banned from attending book signings, after all it is MINE family that is being exploited by Doris/Joan and the greater Buffalo population ought to know that. December 3 at 3:32pm

ITEM TWO

Found the following on

https://www.facebook.com/groups/anti.adoption/permalink/826523750783828/

 

Doris Michol Sippel December 1 at 8:48pm · Buffalo

ABUSIVE ADOPTER ALERT – author Mary Arno

I was one of 65 local authors who presented their books for sale at the Buffalo (New York) History Museum on Sat Nov 26, 2016. This was my very first author event for my memoir, Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity. (Amazon)

The woman to my right handed me her book mark. She is a well-known author by the name of Mary Arno. Here is here contact info from her book mark: 716- 523-0200  www.MaryArno.com
mary@maryarno.com
(You will need it to send her emails to inform her about the reality of adoption. She has no clue.)

I gave her my flyer. She read it: “The death of my married mother when I was an infant led to my closed adoption. Eighteen years later, I was found by family I did not know I had.” Inside the flyer was a statement about sealed birth certificates and falsified birth certificates.

Mary Arno turned to me and said, “you sound very angry!”

I shot out at her, “I am now! Thank you for putting me on the defensive! I am the expert of my life!”

She said, “You should be mad at your BIOLOGICAL mother for giving you away, not at your adoptive parents…”

At hearing her refer to my MOTHER as my “BIOLOGICAL MOTHER”, I got even madder and began shouting at her. “My mother died!”

But she didn’t even acknowledge my loss. “Then you should be mad at your father for giving you away, not at your adoptive parents!”

“I never blamed my father for giving me away! He was in an impossible situation, a father of five children, his wife died of cancer, how I could blame him…”

Mary Arno shot back at me, “Oh no, it is clearly his fault! He willing gave you away! You SHOULD blame him!” And in the next breath, she asked, “Your adoptive parents loved you, didn’t they?”

I yelled, “Oh? My adoptive parents lied to me my entire life! Lies, lies, lies! And more lies! They knew I had sisters and a brother who lived 6 miles from me my entire childhood, yet they willfully prevented me from knowing my own siblings! I would hardly call that love! New York State stole my birth certificate and I’m not supposed to upset over that?”

“I am an adoptive mother so I have a different opinion than you do,” Mary Arno declared smugly.

I shouted back at her. “You did not give birth so your name does not belong on a birth certificate.”

“That is your opinion!” Mary Arno snapped back at me.

“It’s more than my opinion. I have 42 years of personal and professional experience in adoption reform. This is a global movement to eradicate adoption from the planet. Adoptees and mothers-of-adoption-loss are rising in protest against adoption.”
I told her I am fighting New York State for my right to my own birth certificate. She said I should do just that! As if I need her permission for my activism!

Then Mary Arno said to me, “So, writing your memoir, that must have been a very cathartic experience for you.”

Nice going. What a put-down. No, it actually was hard work. As if all adoptees who write memoirs write simply to “get it out of our systems” so “we can move on with our lives”. Hell, I wouldn’t wish this journey on my worst enemy.

Somehow, I got through he two hour event by talking with people as they came up to the table.

I sent Mary Arno a long email on the proper etiquette on how to talk with an adopted person. I encourage all adoptees and mothers-of-adoption-loss to do so as well.

Here is the front and back of Mary Arno’s bookmark with her website and contact info – email and phone number. Yes, she lives in Buffalo, New York.  716- 523-0200 www.MaryArno.com

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Julie Kelly        Am so sorry you were treated that way, Doris. That woman was totally in the wrong!

1) Substitute anyone else who had been victimized by anything or experienced huge losses, and it’s obvious how inappropriate and insensitive her first comment was to …See More

December 1 at 9:56pm

Doris Michol Sippel         Thank you. Why don’t you write to her and tell her that? I told her in my own words. She needs to hear form others. Because, obviously, she is so ill-informed and biased. December 1 at 10:01pm

Julie Kelly Doris,       my comment is awaiting approval. Whether it gets posted or not, at least she will read it. Yesterday at 12:52am

Karen Beebe Wilson Buterbaugh        You did a wonderful thing by educating this ignorant person who thinks she is some kind of authority on adoption!!! I applaud you and thank you for doing that!! Big smile on my face reading your responses to that ignorant adoptor!!! December 1 at 10:01pm

Doris Michol Sippel         Karen Beebe Wilson Buterbaugh I sent her a very long email! With my typed book list of 135 books that I own! And several articles. Maybe you could write to her as well! She needs to hear from us! (Thank you by the way!)  December 1 at 10:04pm

 

ITEM THREE

I sent an email on Dec 3, 2016, titled…you are being maliciously maligned by Doris M Sippel

Hello Mary Arno

My name is Gert McQueen. I am ccing this to Ruth Herr Sippel Pace. We are birth sisters to Doris M Sippel. It has come to my attention that Doris (known also as Joan M Wheeler) has begun a hate campaign against you. You ought to know that she is anti-adoption and uses book groups and book signings to promote her quasi political positions, exploiting both the adopted and birth families.

I am sharing the following for your information and would suggest that you make event organizers aware of Doris’ motives for her book, how the book is libelous and untrue, how she exploits her families, and the public and how she treats authors like yourself.

The first is what Ruth and I placed on the Buffalo History Museum’s Facebook when she saw the event.

The second is what I found just this morning on a Facebook page of anti-adoption, Doris’ call to attack you.

Please feel free to respond to myself and sister Ruth. Our blogs are listed in the following.

Thank you  Gert McQueen

end of email sent

Now I have NOT heard back from Mary Arno, nor do I expect to, but I’m sure that she read the email and looked at the ‘items’ as presented to her and here.

Doris/Joan writes that she has a

‘book list of 135 books that I own! And several articles’ on the topic of adoption and adoptees!

Wow!!! That must certainly make her the authoritative voice on the subject and her logic to browbeat another!

She also writes…

‘This is a global movement to eradicate adoption from the planet.’

Hate to mention it, but it was I, me, Gert, who was the one who FIRST used the word ERADICATE in terms of adoption…this only means that Joan/Doris HAS BEEN reading my blog! nice going Joan!

All this proves that her ‘book’ is NOT selling well on Amazon, take a look at the reviews for example. She has laid out some money in order to have PRINTED books available for book signings! I know how that business works! If Joan/Doris continues to alienate other authors and gets DIS-INVITED to book signings…she will end of having a living room full of her precious book and no buyers! Idiot child that she is!

end

Two-part evidence (here) of Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel’s activities; her name change and her ‘false’ story to promote her political #adoption propaganda!

We, the birth family, had learned that Joan Mary Wheeler changed her name legally to her birth name of Doris Michol Sippel sometime in June 2016. Then we learned, before she made it known publicly, that she republished her memoir, again, with a new title, under her NEW name in June 2016; Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity. We, the birth family, had purchased both the kindle and printed versions BEFORE she announce it publicly.

I found the following information around July or August of 2016.

On the first evidence, it is just ‘what it is’…no need for commentary.

Change of DBA (doing business as)

http://www2.erie.gov/clerk/sites/www2.erie.gov.clerk/files/uploads/JulyamendedDBA.pdf

page 9

2016126358 6/20/2016 D –, – – DBAL 434 3070 SIPPEL DORIS MICHOL FKA D –, – – WHEELER JOAN MARY AKA R –, – – IDENTITY PRESS D –, – – SIPPEL DORIS MICHOL FKA D –, – – WHEELER JOAN MARY AKA R –, – – IDENTITY PRESS

^^^ end of part one^^^

On the second evidence, which follows, there is no date, but had to be in June or July 2016. The ‘petition’ has since been deleted. Joan/Doris has several wrong and misleading statements which I shall address.

https://www.change.org/p/barack-obama-reform-the-corrupt-adoption-industry-in-the-united-states/c/467680247

SUPPORTER COMMENT

I am adopted. My mother died when I was three months old, leaving behind five children and a husband. My father gave me up because he was given no other choice. I was raised in a closed adoption and my birth certificate was stolen by New York State. I was given a false birth certificate when my name was changed. My family and I were reunited in 1974. I changed my name back to my name at birth on June 13, 2016: Doris Michol Sippel. I have been fighting for the release of my real birth certificate for 42 years. Adoption destroys families. Adoption is identity theft.

JM Wheeler, Buffalo, NY     5 months ago

^^^ end of part two^^^

What is false and misleading in Joan/Doris’s statement;

‘father gave me up because he was given no other choice’

She is putting today’s standards and ideas on circumstances 60 years ago. He HAD choices, several, he made the decision to ‘give her up’ on those choices!

‘birth certificate was stolen by New York State’

The laws governing birth certificates and other vital statistics are what they are. If people or groups feel laws need to be changed they should lobby for such changes, not state falsehoods. No state, in the Union, STEALS a birth certificate, upon adoption; they are proceeding as the LAW tells them.

‘given a false birth certificate when my name was changed’

Same as above, if a name was changed, as in adoption, the certificate must reflect that name change.

‘family and I were reunited in 1974’

While true her statement does NOT reflect how she was reunited nor how her own behavior caused deep conflicts and how NOW no one in the birth family recognizes nor wants her!

‘changed my name back to my name at birth on June 13, 2016’

While she certainly has that right, WHY would she do such a thing! Because she believes that now that all ‘parents’ are dead she can now CLAIM the birth name without being challenged, by them. She does NOT care how that affects everyone for generations to come! She does this to continue to exploit the birth family in her hate campaign against adoption.

‘been fighting for the release of my real birth certificate for 42 years’

By ‘fighting’ she means her actions of browbeating, insulting, intimidating pro-adoption people, and other tactics to get her hate-message out there. If she was/is fighting, she would be on the floors of legislatures presenting petitions etc.

‘Adoption destroys families’

That is a personal opinion NOT a fact.

‘Adoption is identity theft’

That is a personal opinion NOT a fact.

Joan/Doris has HAD her real birth certificate and known about her ‘identity’ since the age of 18, when I FOUND HER. She just can’t accept being adopted! If she or others don’t lobby in the proper governmental arenas, she needs to leave the rest of the world alone. Her drum beat is getting BORING!

Now that Trump is president it’s possible that LITTLE to NOTHING will help adoptees get the changes they want!

end

 

How many versions and revisions are there to the truth behind the Forbidden Family? #4 discussion topic

A new discussion topic, #4, by Ruth Pace. Getting right to it, for it speaks for itself!

Here is the permalink;

http://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/discussion.html/ref=cm_cd_et_md_pl?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx3T0YAD0KXNPP5&cdMsgID=Mx3EG5MNPEG5WOD&cdMsgNo=1&cdPage=1&cdSort=oldest&cdThread=Tx3K5W903CKIRXV#Mx3EG5MNPEG5WOD

revision and revisions of the ‘truth’ – how many versions and revisions are there to the truth behind the forbidden family?

May 8, 2016 3:00:51 PM PDT

Ruth Pace says:

The reason this is a “revised” book and self-published on amazon, is because when the first edition of Forbidden Family came out, there were blatant lies in it. The author signed a contract with Trafford Publications stating that her “non-fiction” book was truthful and she held the copyright to the work and all its contents. On the back cover was a family photograph taken at least a year before the author was born. actual date is not known, the author’s mother did appear to have a “full-size” belly, but the size of the child held in the author’s father’s arms appears to only have been 2 years of age. That child had turned 3 the summer of 1955, the year the author surmises the picture had been taken. There is no way the author has copyrights off a picture that was taken before she was born (and she admits it inside the book).
The other thing the author violated in the contract? – That her ‘non-fiction” book is truthful! I found many lies in it – particulary in regards to ME and MY LIFE. I still had actual police and court documents regarding 3 separate court cases of harassments that the author had performed against me – which proved the LIES contained in Forbidden Family. These documents were sent to Trafford Publications and their legal department determined that the author had indeed violated the contract that she signed. In May 2011, Trafford pulled the book from publication.
The author then proceeded to to “revise” a book that she herself had touted on the internet as the TRUTH. I have asked time and again, how can the TRUTH BE REVISED? It cannot. This new “revision” is not revised at all, except to change the wordings of certain things, adding new lies, and taking out 4 chapters – chapters that deal with adoption reform!
I realize that this reviewer does not have the 2009 edition of this ‘book’ to compare. But my blog contains many passages of the 2009 edition along with scanned copies of my documents. My blog Refuting a Book of Lies, Forbidden Family is the real ‘go-to’ source of finding the out how and what the author was duped about.

 

And the Permalink to Gert’s comment

https://www.amazon.com/gp/forum/cd/discussion.html/ref=cm_cd_et_md_pl?ie=UTF8&cdForum=Fx3T0YAD0KXNPP5&cdMsgID=Mx3ROXCT27Q2F8H&cdMsgNo=2&cdPage=1&cdSort=oldest&cdThread=Tx3K5W903CKIRXV#Mx3ROXCT27Q2F8H

May 10, 2016 7:37:20 PM PDT

gert mcqueen says:

The family picture was taken in summer of 1954. The birth of the fourth child of the mother was in August 1952; that child is being held by the father at age 2 years! The mother then had a miscarriage in 1954; after the picture was taken (hence the full belly). The mother did NOT conceive the author until summer of 1955; therefore, in that family photo, the author was NOT YET CONCEIVED and has no rights to claim that family picture as hers.

When the mother became pregnant in 1955 she developed complications, by December was sent to the hospital for complete bed rest and was placed on the drug DES, which was at that time used to hold and keep pregnancies. It is no longer used for that purpose. The mother delivered her 5th child, the author, in the hospital bed herself, January 1956. After the birth, cancer was found, after ONE exploratory surgery, it was determined by mother and father (husband and wife) that there was NO NEED for further treatments and the mother agreed to have the father FIND another wife to care for her children.

Unfortunately, the woman that the father had proposed to marry REFUSED the infant and therefore the ONLY option available to the father was to place that infant into ADOPTION. It should be kept in mind that the husband KNEW from January 1956 that his wife was DYING. There were no options with the extended family; the father was firm, if he could NOT raise the child NO ONE in the family would! He had more than enough time to know and make his decisions, without pressure from church. When he chose adoption, in his mind, he closed his mind to the existence of that 5th child and she DIED on the same day the wife/mother died. This is RECORDED in the family bible found upon the death of the father in 2011.

The author is an adoptee, that adoptee! She wants adoption abolished! She feels that she has been duped by the institution of adoption! Be that as it may…fabricating and outright lying about members of TWO families, birth and adoptive, and exposing those families, by using real names and other references, exploiting them, for the sake of fame and fortune is beyond comprehension. Regardless of what one’s position is on the issues of adoption this book will never help anyone or change any laws regarding adoption. This book is just one woman’s failed attempt to come to terms with and living a life that was given to her…by the same entity that gave life to every human being! Its way pass the time that this author gets on with HER LIFE and stop lying!

end

 

A new #12 review (Mark Kneitinter) for ‘duped by adoption’ Joan M Wheeler; right after one reviewer bails out, another takes their place! Gosh!

It’s a bit difficult keeping track of ‘new’ people that Joan M Wheeler, meets and cons into writing reviews for her, particularly if you are NOT familiar with her ‘history’. She does tend to MAKE a convincing case for herself…but some people are just NOT aware of the damage that Joan has done. There’s this misguided opinion that poor Joan has been a long suffering victim. These folks that think that don’t know what mine-fields are just under the surface!

If you DON’T know Joan, you don’t know that ADOPTION is ALL she thinks and talks about; she has no other life. If you happen to sit at a coffee shop, or a reading room, or a bar listening to a band, and she hears the word ‘adoption’ or if she begins a conversation and questions you about ‘adoption’…well you have instantly become her NEW target! Don’t feel so bad…she has a long long list of those she has conned.

Anyway, here is the newest review from Mark Kneitinger and the subsequent comments. BTW, I did noticed that I misspelled his name in my first comment, but decided to leave it as is; I am after all only human!

Forbidden Family, a must read for the socially conscious and adoptees seeking truth!

By Mark Kneitinger on May 8, 2016 Format: Paperback

I finished Forbidden Family and was breathless. What a tough story to tell and yet done so well. I see this is the author’s first book (revised) and I was swayed by her openness to every detail, good and bad. This is the real deal, no stone goes unturned! This is a life story and a good one for adoptees to read. You pick up a book like this and think it’s a happy ending but Ms. Wheeler is correct in saying that in every aspect she was duped and I would say by the very foundations we hold sacred; the law, religion and family. I came upon this book as my son was adopted and although he never chose to see his biological father he did seek to find his siblings and for him short lived. In the end this is an autobiographical journey into the dangers of closed adoptions. The laws differ by state and country and in my opinion are wrong especially for medical and genetic data. We see the 50’s were a different time and one could walk away from a child with the “support” of others. We see the forbidden truth told to an adolescent girl and an epic journey of self discovery begins but laced with the sad reality that Ms. Wheeler journey is far from over. I think this book is canon in adoptee rights and legal forums and would recommend this book for social workers, the socially conscious and most importantly those “duped” by the system. I would like to read more from this author concerning her own or the adoptees legal fight to obtain their true identity. Again, well written and thought provoking!

May 8, 2016 11:27:38 AM PDT

gert mcqueen says:

Mark Kneitinter believes this book is a must read for the socially conscious and adoptees seeking truth? Really?? He also believes that this book is canon in adoptee rights and legal forums and would recommend this book for social workers?? Really??

There’s nothing in this book that could help any legal battle for adoptees’ rights and birth records nor help social workers; the author deleted 4 chapters that had ANY real information on those points. Nothing in this book will sway people away from adoption. The truth, as presented, is the author’s viewpoint slanted for her own propaganda that she was DUPED. The only people that were duped are members of two families and we can all figure out those reasons!

This revision is a self-published one because no other publisher will touch it, for it is NOT non-fiction. It is about real people and their lives, told by the author, who presents A FICTIONAL adaption! What this reviewer, Mark, thinks is the author’s openness to every detail good and bad, is actually totally FICTIONAL. That is why the story is TOUGH, because the author has written a FICTIONAL story, using all creative writing forms and her imagination about what she thinks happened or what she wants to happen, to tell HER story. The real people, whose family names are used so wantonly in this book, are the real victim here. If you want truth, don’t be DUPED with this book!

 

Posted on May 8, 2016 2:59:23 PM PDT

Ruth Pace says:

The reason this is a “revised” book and self-published on amazon, is because when the first edition of Forbidden Family came out, there were blatant lies in it. The author signed a contract with Trafford Publications stating that her “non-fiction” book was truthful and she held the copyright to the work and all its contents. On the back cover was a family photograph taken at least a year before the author was born. (actual date is not known, the author’s mother did appear to have a “full-size” belly, but the size of the child held in the author’s father’s arms appears to only have been 2 years of age. That child had turned 3 the summer of 1955, the year the author surmises the picture had been taken. There is no way the author has copyrights off a picture that was taken before she was born (and she admits it inside the book).
The other thing the author violated in the contract? – That her ‘non-fiction” book is truthful! I found many lies in it – particulary in regards to ME and MY LIFE. I still had actual police and court documents regarding 3 separate court cases of harassments that the author had performed against me – which proved the LIES contained in Forbidden Family. These documents were sent to Trafford Publications and their legal department determined that the author had indeed violated the contract that she signed. In May 2011, Trafford pulled the book from publication.
The author then proceeded to to “revise” a book that she herself had touted on the internet as the TRUTH. I have asked time and again, how can the TRUTH BE REVISED? It cannot. This new “revision” is not revised at all, except to change the wordings of certain things, adding new lies, and taking out 4 chapters – chapters that deal with adoption reform!
I realize that this reviewer does not have the 2009 edition of this ‘book’ to compare. But my blog contains many passages of the 2009 edition along with scanned copies of my documents. My blog Refuting a Book of Lies, Forbidden Family is the real ‘go-to’ source of finding the out how and what the author was duped about.

 

May 8, 2016 4:35:15 PM PDT

Mark Kneitinger says:

This is the first time I have written a review that resulted in an attack! Criticism is open ended and I respect that but I do not respect attack. Revisions are done for reasons and now that you stated those facts I can respect your views but it doesn’t change the story or what I got out of it which is insight. I read it as an autobiographical account of an adoptee and the struggles it involves as I needed to view things as my child sees it. I read the book for input and understanding, I think in this country censorshop is not dead! It’s a tough story and I understand that all families involved will not see things in the same light. The first argument was valid the other was abusive and I will report that. The author wrote a book and all biographers are not always seen in a good light. It doesn’t change the authors story as it’s ger recollection from interviewing the original sources, It’s her struggle too isn’t it? I wil ldebate any rational argument but not attacks. My comment stands, for people looking for a real life expreience of an adoptee who searched for her true self this is a great book. And yes anything that adds to tell an adoptee story of struggle should be considered canon especially after the last comments. I think any people that are seeking their biological family should read this book because it’s a struggle and know doubt I should read the 1st edition.

May 8, 2016 5:09:26 PM PDT

Ruth Pace says:

My comment was not an attack on you Mr. K. – As to your assumption that the author has the right to write her biography as she fits, well, I agree to that – EXCEPT when SLANDER and LIBEL are committed. Did you not see where I said ACTUAL POLICE AND COURT DOCUMENTS were used to refute ACTUAL LIES about me in the book?
When actual police and court documents refute LIES – than it is quite a different thing than other family members “will not see things in the same light.” And as to ‘recollections’ – sorry, again, the author’s ‘recollections’ are out and out lies – when she says her children were put on a witness stand to testify against me in my presence – that never happened. Absolutely never happened. The book states a “three month court battle,” – words slanted that makes the reader think a long drawn-out court battle with her children on the stand! Nope. We appeared on March 17, 1995 for the author’s arraignment. For a total of about 10 minutes in front of the judge. Case was adjourned to the following month. Where time restraints made the judge have to adjourn the case to the next month. That took about 5 minutes. When we reconvened the following month (May 1995), the judge didn’t want to be bothered with ‘battling sisters’ and dismissed my harassment charge saying “sisters should get along.” – So were we in court for 3 months? nope. There were three APPEARANCES – one in March, one in April and one in May – no 3 month court battle. If the author says she remembers a three month long court battle – I have to wonder what is going on in her brain.
So yes, Mr. K. ‘families involved will not see things in the same light,” however, when actual police and court documents bear out the facts, a family member when reminded of the documents (as I did via my blog and other internet sources) – somebody’s memory needs to be improved. And sadly, people like yourself, will hear only one side, and never do the research, altho the proof is out there.
And what do you mean the author’s recollection is from interviewing the original sources? Tell me, Mr. K., do you know MY family, do you know the details of MY childhood? Where are you getting your information? Certainly not from ME, the original source – because I have never met you, therefore, what ever you think you know about MY life, you didn’t get it from the original source. Please do so, before you believe something about me. So you are saying that what the author writes about me should be considered canon – just because you are a personal friend of hers? Tell me, Mr. K. – what you know about me.

 

May 8, 2016 5:37:18 PM PDT

gert mcqueen says:

Mr Kneitinger, sorry that you view counter arguments as an attack, personally I don’t see it! Censorship is not an issue here either! Yes, revisions are done for many reasons, but a TRUTH certainly does not need revisions! I do have to differ with you on the point about any author’s recollection versus the accurate facts.

Case in point, sir, is the author’s `recollection’ of someone else’s minor children and her retelling the story to FIT the author’s needs; that adoption is wrong because of birth certificates etc, blah blah blah. If you have read the book you no doubt know the author’s presentation of what `happened’ when her sister was `adopting’ her own flesh and blood child with second husband! Well everything that is in this book about that `episode’ and more about those children is false! There are documents to prove that the author VIOLATED someone else’s parental rights BECAUSE they choose to ADOPT and the author WARNED the parent that adoption was wrong! No sir, you really do need, for the sake of censorship and insights, to read other source materials about this book and the author!

As far as the first edition is concerned, it is no longer being printed, you must get a copy from the author if she still even recognizes that IT existed or I could loan you my copy!

 

Mark Kneitinger says:

No Ms. Pace you were not the one who attacked. Unlike some poeple I don’t use names in vain. You made a valid and rational argument and I see that this account was not good for you emotionally. Thanks for capitalizing I didn’t have to put on my glasses. I read the 2nd addition which should be void of your original complaints, correct? If the judge dismissed the allegations that would be indicative they held no weight one would think. A biographer interviews sources and I assume as sisters you have talked about your livesm if not then tell me you have never spoked with Ms. Wheeler about your life and I will recant my post. I will read your book if you publish one so I can get your perspective too. I read the book because I adopted and at one point wanted to seek out his birth relatives. There are deep wounds I get that, I read that and now I am experiencing it. I am sorry for your struggles but I did read the book was that okay?

Posted on May 8, 2016 6:29:12 PM PDT

Mark Kneitinger says:

Thank you Ms. McQueen for a nicely worded rebuttal and I will throw out your first rant. It is like I have written the book! My comments were based on reading a deep thought provoking book, her story not yours. There are two sides to the story as you rebut but to be fair to the author she has an opinion as well. Remember I chose to read her book not yours. Perhaps you should write a book on the realities of biological look-ups. It’s easy being an arm chair quarterback as in your case but I think you would reach more forums than Amazon and maybe you will sleep better knowing your side is being told and if you write it I promise to read it. I have written a review of a book on John Lennon please be kinder to that review as he is a personal hero.

 gert mcqueen says:    May 8, 2016 6:52:29 PM PDT

Mark…I don’t know why you are being so…unreasonable… with a difference of opinion or actually being faced with certain facts that the author has neglected to inform her readers of, but rest assured that there is more to the story than what the author presents. Don’t be so naive to think that the author would actually ‘talk’ with the very people she maligned in this book. I have had 5 contacts with her in 30 years and still have had lies written about those 5 contacts. I have written more than `one’ book on this topic/book, a reasonable google search will provide you will enough information, I’m an open book, as they say. Do look me up!

 

May 8, 2016 7:23:45 PM PDT

Mark Kneitinger says:

Gert I will do my research and read your press, I stand behind what I say. I have to ask though if I had written I hated the book would it have generated such ire? To be completely fair, your sister seems to be the bigger person as she has not written to either of us to rebut or critique this review. All of the argument clinics take away from the fact that i read a book on a subject I needed to learn something about (adoptees seeking their bio families) and for that I got more than the price of admission especially now! It is a well written book would you at least ackolwedge that or is that asking for you to come to the dark side? I understand the pain but if you let it go wouldn’t be easier living your life than living for these reviews.

May 8, 2016 7:50:38 PM PDT

gert mcqueen says:

Mark…I still do not understand why you feel that my opinion, which is contrary to your own, is an attack or wrong to be voiced! If you hated the book I would point out even more reasons for not liking the book, for there are hundreds of reasons. The author will never speak to those whom she has maligned in the book…we have been there, done that, and we have the back-stabs to prove it (btw so do my innocent children)! No I’m sorry Mark, you don’t understand the pain! WE found her, we loved her, we wanted her and all everyone got was our characters assassinated. YOU want to learn about adoptees finding their birth families…well sometimes, you don’t know what you will find when you open that box. OUR family found out the hard way because we FOUND HER. Hope your finding is more pleasant and more productive. The author’s ONLY reason for writing the book is because she WANTS adoption ABOLISHED because HER life is a mess and she USES two families to prove her assessment that adoption made her as she is! Sorry I don’t buy that assessment and I hope you are smarter than that! Good night.

Posted on May 8, 2016 8:13:55 PM PDT

Mark Kneitinger says:

When all is said and done the only person who didn’t have say which is unfair and one sided is the author herself. In the end I got my money’s worth and themn some. I am sorry your family is dysfunctional over the book I shouldn’t have to apologize but I will. Don’t you think Ms. Wheeler is the person who was wronged in all of this. That is the theme of the book and the reason I read it. Abandonment brings pain. I mentioned John lennon before like your sister he was raised by someone else and was told as an adolescent who his mother really was. It created some fantastic music with the angst but it made for one one tortured soul who throughout his career sought love and respect. Please stop with the posts, I’ve read the book and it was worth the price of admission. Move on and good luck with your journey and healing! In closing I hope your retorts would not sway someone from reading this book, censorship’s a bad thing. Your point is well taken, she revivsed the book it is sold on Amazon and I own it so stop.

 May 8, 2016 8:29:27 PM PDT

Ruth Pace says:

I have found that some people can’t take anybody disagreeing with them. They take an opposing viewpoint as a personal attack on them. I am reminded of a discussion just yesterday (Saturday, May 7, 2016) on facebook where someone was objecting to a political meme placed on a fan site of a well-known actor. I chimed in and said I thought the meme was funny, and she jumped on me and said it wasn’t funny and it was inappropriate to post. I said that in my opinion it was not inappropriate and the woman kept it up – until – and I was floored (and flattered) that the actor backed me up. lol. (Oh Captain, My Captain).
The fact that Ms. McQueen and I ‘have’ an opposing viewpoint of this book seems to rattle the author’s buddies. I stand by what I say, and back up Ms. McQueen’s statements. The book in question is NOT solely about the author’s life – she has included ME in the book and tells about MY marriages, MY job, MY LIFE. And I reserve the right and exercise my right to have the truth told about MY life. If someone has the right to write lies about me – then I have the right to tell the truth about myself. That is my civil right. And my civil rights are non-negotiable. End of discussion here. blogged it.

 

May 9, 2016 6:11:28 AM PDT
Mark Kneitinger says:

ok I’m done with responses, it’s not productive. You two definitely have an agenda and I want no part of it. I read a book wrote a review and want no part of a family civil war. Please be respectful of me and my post, I harbor no bad feelings for you or your sisters. Not that you need to know but if it helps your blog a counselor suggested the book when I asked about my child seeking answers. Please stop the spam. In writing one review I’ve been sent a Facebook request and rebuttals with no end in sight and it’s rather childish. I think the author is the only person showing any respect or she knows better than to post in this forum. Stop please or I will report you both to Amazon. Your points have been made I get it! You feel violated and you dislike your sister, just leave me out of it please and thank you.

End of comments

But then Mark had to ‘rewrite’ his review…ok!!!

I finished Forbidden Family and thought it was a tough story to tell. I see this is the author’s first book (revised) and it’s an open and sad story in every detail, good and bad! A great book for adoptees to read who are in search of their blood relatives and what to expect. You pick up a book like this and think it’s a happy ending but it’s not! Ms. Wheeler is correct in saying that in every aspect she was duped, the law, religion and even her family were no comfort. A therapist recommended this book to share with my son as he was seeking out his biological siblings and this book is probably for the most part what you can expect. In the end this is an autobiographical journey into the dangers and realities of closed adoptions. It begins and ends with the sad reality that Ms. Wheeler’s journey is never going to be over. I think this is a great book for adoptees to read who seek their true identity. I would also recommend this book for health care professionals who work with adoptees as this book isn’t sugar coated. I would like to read more from this author concerning what happened after the book and her continued legal fight obtaining her true identity. Again, well written and very intense!

got it??

update…August 3, 2016...I added another comment.

Your initial post: Jul 24, 2016 4:39:23 PM PDT

gert mcqueen says:

This book is not a unique adoption story and will not give anyone, adoptee or not, any useful information about what to expect in adoption or in reunion! It is a lousy book!

Don’t know if it will stay if Mark sees it or not…doesn’t matter does it!

 

‘My two families are cruel people, and very mentally ill’…says Joan M Wheeler #duped by adoption

Talk about a one-sided view and general condemnation!

This post is rather long, but well worth the reading!

Adoptees BELIEVE her! Other adoptees LABEL the family, of Joan M Wheeler, as haters and say we are vile! At the same moment think nothing of the HATE SPEECH that Joan says or what they say! That’s a double-standard at the least and at the most, more general condemnation; just for being family to Joan M Wheeler!

The words of Joan M Wheeler, adoptee, are BELIEVED because she is an adoptee! And why is the families labeled as such? Because we DARE to speak up and defend ourselves and others from the lies of Joan M Wheeler.

To CONTRADICT an ADOPTEE is a big NO NO to other adoptees! Such backward thinking!

Joan lives in a ‘glass house’ and should not throw stones; she is cruel and mentally ill herself. Do you ‘really’ need more evidence about why the birth siblings have spoken OUT against her? Don’t worry! We always give evidence, in most cases, of Joan’s own ‘cruel and mentally ill’ words and behavior. Heck, she herself documents her cruelty and mental instabilities! She does so because of the faulty logic, that adoption made her this way!

She goes out of her way, on all manner of social outlets, ranting and raving against anyone who adopts. She has been called out, on her condemnations of others, and yet she continues to speak evil about family and those that adopt.

That statement ‘My two families are cruel people, and very mentally ill’ is the reason why she wrote/rewrote and retells her ‘life-story’ over and over again! She does NOT write to reform adoption or to educate about adoption!

Joan writes because of her hatred of adoption, her adoptive parents, her birth family, and anyone else that doesn’t see the world as she does. Gosh, that sounds like the current, 2015/16, collective world view of a definition of what a ‘terrorist’ is.

In any event…Joan’s ‘moral code’ is suspect! See the following ‘ted-talks’ for basic information on character and then compare with what you know and see of Joan’s speech and behavior.

http://www.ted.com/speakers/pamela_meyer

http://www.ted.com/talks/pamela_meyer_how_to_spot_a_liar

Joan continues to scream about her ‘lot in life’ because she was ABUSED by the adoptive mother and she can’t move on. Let’s be real! Joan DOESN’T WANT to move on.

Joan continues to portray the birth family, and in particular the birth sisters, as ‘cruel and mentally ill’ because we sisters have refused to allow Joan to continue with her behaviors, when she did them, and then when she wrote about them, in which she lied and fabricated events to ‘fit in’ with her ‘view’ of reality. We are that ‘monkey’ on Joan’s back! She can’t shake us off so therefore she must label us as cruel and mentality ill!

Joan’s only reason to continue to write and rewrite and publish and republish is because she wants, she NEEDS to get back at everyone BECAUSE she was ADOPTED. She lives and breathes her hate and anger. Aren’t you glad you are NOT related to her! Do you wonder WHY we speak out about her?

November is ‘adoption month’. So, every year there are those pro/con arguments; depending on which side of the fence one is. In response to a reposting, of a 2014 post, Joan M Wheeler lets her hate and anger out, yet again and in an oh so telling way! …see this link

http://karenpickell.com/2014/11/01/please-dont-celebrate-my-adoption/

I have NOT corrected Joan’s spellings. Her spellings, as she types, show what emotions she is feeling. She never corrects herself, she never steps back and re-reads things, she just flies off with her emotion. That is an indication that something is ‘off’ in her mind. And remember, Joan is commenting ONE YEAR from date of original post!

On November 4, 2015 at 9:24 pm, Joan Mary Wheeler, said…

‘I lost my entire family because I was adopted: my father, my siblings, my aunts and uncles and cousins, my grandparents. This, ontop of losing my mother because she died when I was three months old, has set me up for lifelong Complex and Profound PTSD, major clinical depression, anxiety, panic, startle reflex, (don’t come up from behind me to tickle me, for example), and physical illness from this stress. Praise adoption? go fuck yourself’

GERT HERE…wait a second…what did Joan say? Let’s take a closer look!

Joan said…because I was adopted… ontop of losing my mother because she died when I was three months old, has set me up for lifelong Complex and Profound PTSD, major clinical depression, anxiety, panic, startle reflex, (don’t come up from behind me to tickle me, for example), and physical illness from this stress…Praise adoption? go fuck yourself’

Gert’s comments are…

Obviously Joan does NOT take any responsibility for her own actions and reactions to anything! Her whole life is defined by ‘losing her mother and being adopted’! How does she explain the billions of people in the world, her siblings included, whom have lost a parent and do NOT suffer from all those ailments? How does she explain the billions of people who are adopted that do NOT suffer from those ailments? Nope, the only person that matters to Joan is herself. And of course, she has no problem telling anyone about how she feels!

BUT Joan is NOT finished for THEN, in other comments she says…

Thank you, Mary Payne and Maggie Wilkinson and Robert Allan Hafetz

Actually, my name is Joan. That is my legal name, my adopted name. Mary is my middle name. Robert, I am in therapy. I let my anger at the System out from time to time, but I do not need to forgive. My father gave me up for adoption when a Catholic priest told him to — at my mother’s funeral in 1956. My father, being a very religious man, went against his own love for his 5th child and gave me away. I hold no ill feelings for my father. But my adoptive mother and father, particularly my mother, knew the truth and chose not to tell me. My adoptive father appolo9gized, my a-mm never did. Right on up to a week before she died in 2011, my adoptive mother never apologized for the abuses she cause me. Psychological torture, physical and verbal abuse. Most of my adoptive family, and my blood family, except for the ones who are in my life still, abused me, mocked me, harassed me, spit at me, called me names, humiliated me. WHY? Because I an Adoptees’ Rights Activist, that is why. I do not need to forgive anyone. I am at peace with myself, knowing I am doing the right thing. I know who I am and what I am. I am a writer, exposing the corruption of adoption.

Why did you write a book, Robert Allan Hafetz? I remember when your book came out. I went over to your book’s page and wrote a positive book review. I am a social worker, Robert. I used my social work skills to asses my adoptive family and my family of birth. Lots of hypocrisy, too much blind faith in Jesus, not e4nough science, not enough critical thinking, and certainly, not enough compassion. My two families are cruel people,and very mentally ill. My therapist today applauds my social activism. She applauds my mindfulness meditation, and my self-awareness.

GERT HERE…taking a closer look…

Joan said… I am in therapy. I let my anger at the System out from time to time, but I do not need to forgive.

Gert’s comments are…

She’s been ‘in therapy’ all her life! She’s on SSI disability, because of her physical manifestations of her mental illnesses, and her ‘therapy’ is paid for BY TAXPAYER’S DOLLARS. Aren’t you glad, if you are a tax payer, that you are HELPING Joan in her decades long therapy!

She lets her anger at the system, from time to time! It’s always there; she is always looking for an avenue to let it out! No she doesn’t need to forgive anyone or anything; to do that she would have to ‘give up’ her identity as a sick adoptee along with her hatred for people and adoption! She’s too much in love with that identity and narrative to give up her hate and anger! There’s that same old tired lines about how her father gave her up because of a priest etc etc; all a creation of her own mind because she can’t accept the fact that our father’s second wife REFUSED to take her and well that’s the way it was!

Joan said… I hold no ill feelings for my father. But my adoptive mother and father, particularly my mother, knew the truth and chose not to tell me. My adoptive father appolo9gized, my a-mm never did.

Gert’s comments are…

The hell she doesn’t have ‘ill feelings’ for our father! It’s all over the pages of the two books she wrote!

Joan’s adoptive father was a weak, hen-pecked man, who SUFFERED in silence when his dominating wife and high-strung adopted daughter would yell and scream and fight…right up to and including his death bed! Joan browbeat him just as she did over the years to her adoptive mother. He was ‘lucky’ to escape Joan’s wrath by dying early, but his illnesses were caused by that very same wrath. The adoptive mother was ‘stronger’ than Joan! Why should the woman apologize for adopting and keeping and doing WHAT THE LAW SAID?

Joan attempted several time to do the same kind of browbeating to our father; he KICKED Joan out at least 4 times, when she yelled and screamed at him. Then finally in 2009, when he saw what her book had to say, he REMOVED HER from his personal records and told her that it would be ‘best if you call first before you come here’ and that he ‘didn’t need her help’. But, Joan didn’t do that. She came to my father’s home unannounced, Jan 2011, with a man (that was a stranger to my parents). My father was in the hospital. Joan intimidated my step-mother into finding out where he was and went right there. When Dad died, Jan 11, in the hospital, is when the ENTIRE birth family LEARNED that he changed his papers and removed Joan from everything! Joan BLAMED the birth siblings for that action. Joan yelled at the funeral personnel for ‘not including her’ in his obit. Joan refused to ACCEPT the decision, of the entire BIRTH FAMILY, that she was NOT allowed in their presence at the viewing or funeral. After decades of being misused and mistreated by Joan, everyone WANTED to be away from her.

Of course, in the new ‘edition’ of the book, she puts in print how her cruel and mentally ill sisters REMOVED Joan from the obit, just to ‘get even’ with her! She writes about the ‘many’ conversations she had with Dad about her book and how he ‘liked’ it (all falsehoods). She has a persecution complex! Everyone is out to get her! And she’s an angel!

Joan said… ‘she died in 2011, my adoptive mother never apologized for the abuses she cause me. Psychological torture, physical and verbal abuse.’

Gert’s comments are…

Right! So here FINALLY, because the woman DIED, Joan tells the world that the adoptive mother abused her! Joan didn’t have the guts to name the woman or our father, UNTIL they died in 2011. So NOW in this new revised garbage she NAMES names! A clear violation, of privacy, of the families, along with additional libel being written. According to Joan, dead people can’t sue and neither can their heirs! How nice for Joan!

Just as with her adoptive father and her birth father, Joan browbeat and tormented this poor woman, till the day she died, to GET an apology for ADOPTING Joan! This is sick sick and sick! That’s called ELDER ABUSE. As I said above, this woman, the adoptive mother, was stronger than Joan, for she NEVER apologized to Joan. And as we see, from Joan’s words, that really pisses Joan off! This is how a normal person should act? Ahh but wait!

Even while Joan was browbeating and harassing the woman to apologize, AND the woman was abusing Joan (according to Joan), all her life, this adoptive mother was ‘good enough’ for Joan to use, by moving in, with her children, into the home of the adoptive mother. All the while that Joan lived with and sponged off the old adoptive mother, she continued to hate her! And only UPON DEATH does Joan speak about the abuse the mother did!

Quoting from both books that Joan wrote…first book on page 347 and second book page 292, here is an example of the contempt that Joan had for the adoptive mother.

I was filled with disgust with her’!

So if Joan was so filled with disgust WHY did Joan continue to live in this woman’s home? Why did Joan allow this woman, who abused Joan, to RAISE Joan’s children? Why did Joan allow this woman to pay for Joan’s FOOD and HOUSING? Why did Joan ACCEPT this woman’s MONEY, again, that paid for Joan’s SECOND college degree (same mother paid for the first degree)? Why? Because Joan is a user and an abuser and a hater!

Joan said… ‘Most of my adoptive family, and my blood family, except for the ones who are in my life still, abused me, mocked me, harassed me, spit at me, called me names, humiliated me.’

Gert’s comments are…

So it begs the question…who are those that are ‘still in her life’? For those that are NOT, in her life, I can only guess that we are guilty of whatever Joan says we did! Joan’s words, as an adoptee, must be TRUTH! Anyone, who defends themselves, against what the adoptee says about them, are cruel, crazy, mentally ill, full of hate and more.

Joan has accused me of doing terrible things to her and YET she kept coming back to me! Over and over again, even when I told her to go to Hell, she continued to come back to me and tell me she loved me! But, in print she fabricates, what actually happened, or doesn’t even tell of some of those five (5) contacts we had over the years from 1981, when I forbade her in my life, to that last phone conversation in 2005, when I wanted to end the hate. She told me she loved me again, but then…I had to wait until 2010 to get the libelous book in my hands to find out about all the horrors I committed to her! According to Joan, my last phone call to her in 2005 was a ‘fishing trip’ trying to find out what she was ‘up to’. Joan always as her own spin on reality and every adoptee in the world believes Joan’s views. Spit at her! I wouldn’t waste my life force on this idiot! She really has a wild imagination!

Joan said… ‘WHY? Because I an Adoptees’ Rights Activist, that is why.’

Gert’s comments are…

Joan is NOT a ‘rights activist’! She is an abolitionist! She doesn’t give a shit about rights.

No! I don’t give a rat’s ass that she’s an adoptee rights activist or whatever! I did care when she interfered with my children and my parental rights, when I was adopting! I did care and took steps to get Joan out of my and my children’s lives. I do care that she called two false child abuse reports on me! I do care when she exploits my FAMILY and fabricates about my FAMILY. Those were the reasons that each and every member of the BIRTH FAMILY, including our father, KICKED Joan out of our lives.

Joan said… ‘I do not need to forgive anyone. I am at peace with myself, knowing I am doing the right thing. I know who I am and what I am. I am a writer, exposing the corruption of adoption.’

Gert’s comments are…

Seems like she’s trying to convince herself! Delusional thinking. I doubt very much that she is at peace with herself, for if she were she would NOT spend her life in hate and anger and expressing it! She does NOT expose corruption of adoption! All she does is EXPOSE and EXPLOIT family members, by writing fabricated story lines to fit into her vision of who she is and what she is! This newest revision of her libelous book has only her version of her life, a life she is convinced was CORRUPTED BY ADOPTION. Only a sick mind thinks this way.

Joan said… Why did you write a book, Robert Allan Hafetz? I remember when your book came out. I went over to your book’s page and wrote a positive book review.

Gert’s comments are…

I went searching, found the book etc. but found NOTHING written by Joan. Perhaps if anyone finds it, they will let me know, for I am interested in what she had to say.

Joan said… ‘I used my social work skills to asses my adoptive family and my family of birth. Lots of hypocrisy, too much blind faith in Jesus, not e4nough science, not enough critical thinking, and certainly, not enough compassion. My two families are cruel people,and very mentally ill.’

Gert’s comments are…

Right! She used her ‘skills’ in a self-serving manner (highly unethical) to prove her OWN assessment of her families! First of all, she is highly BIASED and therefore cannot make an ‘assessment’. Secondly, her positions are called ‘junk science’, which has a ‘theory’ and then finds ‘facts’ to prove their position. REAL science works the other way around; facts first! This is why Joan’s promoting herself as a social worker is very dangerous. Having a degree in something and having HAD EXPERIENCE are two very different things! So many people are so gullible believing what so-called ‘experts’ say!

Joan is full of hypocrisy, hates all religions particularly Christianity, believes in ‘junk science’, is highly critical of others, does NOT engage in any form of critical thinking and has NO compassion. Her assessment? Right here;

‘My two families are cruel people, and very mentally ill.’

This is how a social worker thinks and acts. What really is amazing IS there are people that believe this bullshit!

Her social work skills and what she wrote, in the first book, were JUST what got our father to, in 2009, finally banish her from his life, when he read the final draft. He took her off his documents where he HAD previously acknowledged her. As I stated earlier, no one in the family knew he did that until he died. Joan blamed the funeral personnel for not having her in the obit and then she blamed the ‘sisters’. In truth, it was our father who removed her because of her ‘assessment’, her condemnation of his ethnic heritage and his religion!

In the second book, when it first was available, it contained the assessment and more, but once I made public what Joan had said about a group of adoptees, Joan DELETED those four (4) chapters because it contained too much damaging info to her CAUSE. Her cause is NOT adoption reform, but to exploit and lie about the birth and adoptive families.

Joan said… ‘My therapist today applauds my social activism. She applauds my mindfulness meditation, and my self-awareness.’

Gert’s comments are…

Remember what Joan said in the beginning?

‘lifelong Complex and Profound PTSD, major clinical depression, anxiety, panic, startle reflex, and physical illness from this stress’

So just what has the therapist DONE to help? Allowing Joan to continue to do social activism isn’t helping and IF Joan is doing mindfulness meditation she would not be doing activism. Mindfulness meditation entails ‘letting go’ of ‘mindsets’ and pre-conceived beliefs that hold one back from happiness and wholeness. Joan’s self-awareness is just another name for being in love with her NARRATIVE. In other words Joan and her therapist are bullshitters!

OKAY moving on; a couple of other comments from others and more from Joan.

Mary Payne said…That priest sure knew when to hit up your bio-father. He was probably in shock. Joan, I applaud all your good work. It takes a lot of fortitude to overcome the kind of abuse you had. I have no idea why these people believe it’s OK to lie to an adopt…

Gert’s comments are…

People just ‘response’ to Joan’s comments without THINKING; Joan speaks the ‘adoptee language’ perfectly. These adoptees are all of the same mindset, just wanting to believe their own BS. There seems to be several common beliefs, held by adoptees, and when someone like Joan speaks her ‘sob-story’ they all fall in line with it. These beliefs and thinking patterns may or may not have validation, but, many of them have actually caused many, adoptees and others, to believe that there is something WRONG with adoption. Reform is needed, for sure, but adoption is not an evil.

Just what ‘good work’ has Joan ever done? All I’ve ever seen, and written about, are Joan’s browbeating skills, as she goes after anyone who is pro-adoption and who adopts. Obviously I did not get all of this comment, doesn’t matter, for these people all believe in their own propaganda. Joan’s ‘story-line’ is that a priest convince father to ‘give her up’, but that’s NOT the truth. The truth is that Dad’s second wife, whom he married to give a mother to his children, REFUSED to take the infant (Joan) and that is WHY she was placed into adoption.

Robert Allan Hafetz said…Few therapists know how to care for adoptees. Thats another sad reality of adoption. I had to educate my professors in grad school. They had no idea. I have clients who are psychologists and dont have a clue about what

Gert’s comments are…

None of that matter! What these types of adoptees need to UNDERSTAND is that people who CHOOSE to adopt, like myself, have a right to do so, without being harassed, intimidated, insulted or browbeaten by the likes of Joan M Wheeler! As a mother, I had/have EVERY RIGHT to make my own DECISIONS without the interference that Joan did to me and my family. When I told her to ‘butt out’, of my family, Joan called false child abuse upon me, twice. Just because Joan is an adoptee is NO REASON for her to have violated my parental rights and tell my children that I was ‘doing harm to them’ and that they ‘did not have to listen to me’.

Joan Mary Wheeler said… Robert Allan Hafetz Yes, that is correct! When I was in social work college, I pointed out that the textbooks did not mention adopted people, did not even have one sentence on adopted people. Or mothers and fathers who lost their children to adoption. The textbooks, and classes, were all geared for the poor, infertile people who needed to adopt someone else’s child. Took me many years to find the right therapist. Yes, I brought in all the books written by our therapist-activists.

Gert’s comments are…

I’ve said it many times in many ways, if you don’t think like Joan you will be targeted by her. Doesn’t matter WHY someone adopt, for to Joan and those that think like her, all adoptions are evil.

Quoting from Joan’s latest revised edition of her lying book; Chapter 40 Hate and Social Work, e-book location 5443; printed book page 293 (and a few pages before/ after what I quote here) A close reading will show the closed-mind that she has as well as her self-description of her physical/mental ills, neglect and abuse of her children, all a result of adoption! Instead of adoption being the ‘cause’ perhaps it actually was Joan’s own cruelty and mental illnesses that were/are the problem.

Joan writes…The five years I spent in college earning a second bachelor’s degree were desperate times for me. I struggled with overwhelming depression, feelings that I had nothing to live for, that I was fighting an uphill battle in every area overwhelming depression, feelings that I had nothing to live for, that I was fighting an uphill battle in every area of my life. Very little consoled me. Throwing myself into my studies full-time, I overdid it, killing myself to get straight A’s. Meanwhile, I neglected my kids, shutting them out in order to write great college papers. I scrambled to meet conflicting schedules (mine and my children’s), internships, and work-study schedules. Meeting deadlines became more important to me than my children. Since I had been told so many times from so many people I was worthless, I needed to prove that I was good at something.

and

Professors were put off by my observations as I challenged them. Classmates told me I wasn’t open to the needs of the clients.

and

I suffered in silence and ridicule, but found the textbooks relating to adoption issues to be misleading or totally absent.

and

classmates misunderstood and arguments broke out…I stood my ground.

and

I created a near-riot in one class by simply addressing issues I raised

Gert here…

Well there’s more but you get the drift here. Joan just wants to get everyone to think as she does and when they don’t and argue back…then they become Joan’s enemy!

Joan writes …Took me many years to find the right therapist. Yes, I brought in all the books written by our therapist-activists.

Gert’s comments are…

Years?! Joan’s a professional patient. Her problem is that she WILL NOT let go of her hate and anger. I doubt that she has the ‘right’ therapist now. As I said above, if Joan was truly working with mindfulness she would STOP writing about adoption, STOP browbeating people, STOP telling over and over again the same story lines that are FALSE.

Mary Payne said  They all believe the adoptive parent stereotype–how wonderful the adoptive parents must be for taking in a child not there own…and how ungrateful the adoptee is for not worshipping at their feet. It’s hard to believe how educated people could be so…well, dumb & blind. I finally found the perfect therapist for me. She worked for years with children who were committed to a state institution. She’s now retired, but in private practice.

Gert’s comments are…

Regardless of where a person is on the issue of adoption, there still is NO EXCUSE for the behaviors that Joan M Wheeler has done to her OWN FAMILIES! Her behavior patterns were formed from her adoptive family, had nothing to do with the birth family. If Joan is so sick that she needs therapy, that is NOT the fault of the birth family, we were VICTIMS of Joan’s behaviors!

Joan Mary Wheeler said… Glad you found a reliable therapist. Yes, ignorance about adoption is rampant.

Gert’s comments are…

And here we see Joan, the pot telling the kettle something they both (Joan and the pot) know! Just keep working the system, go to therapist after therapist, browbeat them into believing YOUR particular BS and all will be well!

Joan Mary Wheeler said Robert Allan Hafetz perhaps you ought to check into my memoir, Kindle edition published in May, Print edition published November 2nd.

Gert’s comments are…

See! All she wants is for people to believe her narrative of her life! She doesn’t care to ‘learn’ anything from another; she’s only interested in promoting her book that is AGAINST both the birth and adoptive families. All of this was just another method to ADVERTISE the damn book!

also check out this Facebook page… https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoption1

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