‘My two families are cruel people, and very mentally ill’…says Joan M Wheeler #duped by adoption

Talk about a one-sided view and general condemnation!

This post is rather long, but well worth the reading!

Adoptees BELIEVE her! Other adoptees LABEL the family, of Joan M Wheeler, as haters and say we are vile! At the same moment think nothing of the HATE SPEECH that Joan says or what they say! That’s a double-standard at the least and at the most, more general condemnation; just for being family to Joan M Wheeler!

The words of Joan M Wheeler, adoptee, are BELIEVED because she is an adoptee! And why is the families labeled as such? Because we DARE to speak up and defend ourselves and others from the lies of Joan M Wheeler.

To CONTRADICT an ADOPTEE is a big NO NO to other adoptees! Such backward thinking!

Joan lives in a ‘glass house’ and should not throw stones; she is cruel and mentally ill herself. Do you ‘really’ need more evidence about why the birth siblings have spoken OUT against her? Don’t worry! We always give evidence, in most cases, of Joan’s own ‘cruel and mentally ill’ words and behavior. Heck, she herself documents her cruelty and mental instabilities! She does so because of the faulty logic, that adoption made her this way!

She goes out of her way, on all manner of social outlets, ranting and raving against anyone who adopts. She has been called out, on her condemnations of others, and yet she continues to speak evil about family and those that adopt.

That statement ‘My two families are cruel people, and very mentally ill’ is the reason why she wrote/rewrote and retells her ‘life-story’ over and over again! She does NOT write to reform adoption or to educate about adoption!

Joan writes because of her hatred of adoption, her adoptive parents, her birth family, and anyone else that doesn’t see the world as she does. Gosh, that sounds like the current, 2015/16, collective world view of a definition of what a ‘terrorist’ is.

In any event…Joan’s ‘moral code’ is suspect! See the following ‘ted-talks’ for basic information on character and then compare with what you know and see of Joan’s speech and behavior.

http://www.ted.com/speakers/pamela_meyer

http://www.ted.com/talks/pamela_meyer_how_to_spot_a_liar

Joan continues to scream about her ‘lot in life’ because she was ABUSED by the adoptive mother and she can’t move on. Let’s be real! Joan DOESN’T WANT to move on.

Joan continues to portray the birth family, and in particular the birth sisters, as ‘cruel and mentally ill’ because we sisters have refused to allow Joan to continue with her behaviors, when she did them, and then when she wrote about them, in which she lied and fabricated events to ‘fit in’ with her ‘view’ of reality. We are that ‘monkey’ on Joan’s back! She can’t shake us off so therefore she must label us as cruel and mentality ill!

Joan’s only reason to continue to write and rewrite and publish and republish is because she wants, she NEEDS to get back at everyone BECAUSE she was ADOPTED. She lives and breathes her hate and anger. Aren’t you glad you are NOT related to her! Do you wonder WHY we speak out about her?

November is ‘adoption month’. So, every year there are those pro/con arguments; depending on which side of the fence one is. In response to a reposting, of a 2014 post, Joan M Wheeler lets her hate and anger out, yet again and in an oh so telling way! …see this link

http://karenpickell.com/2014/11/01/please-dont-celebrate-my-adoption/

I have NOT corrected Joan’s spellings. Her spellings, as she types, show what emotions she is feeling. She never corrects herself, she never steps back and re-reads things, she just flies off with her emotion. That is an indication that something is ‘off’ in her mind. And remember, Joan is commenting ONE YEAR from date of original post!

On November 4, 2015 at 9:24 pm, Joan Mary Wheeler, said…

‘I lost my entire family because I was adopted: my father, my siblings, my aunts and uncles and cousins, my grandparents. This, ontop of losing my mother because she died when I was three months old, has set me up for lifelong Complex and Profound PTSD, major clinical depression, anxiety, panic, startle reflex, (don’t come up from behind me to tickle me, for example), and physical illness from this stress. Praise adoption? go fuck yourself’

GERT HERE…wait a second…what did Joan say? Let’s take a closer look!

Joan said…because I was adopted… ontop of losing my mother because she died when I was three months old, has set me up for lifelong Complex and Profound PTSD, major clinical depression, anxiety, panic, startle reflex, (don’t come up from behind me to tickle me, for example), and physical illness from this stress…Praise adoption? go fuck yourself’

Gert’s comments are…

Obviously Joan does NOT take any responsibility for her own actions and reactions to anything! Her whole life is defined by ‘losing her mother and being adopted’! How does she explain the billions of people in the world, her siblings included, whom have lost a parent and do NOT suffer from all those ailments? How does she explain the billions of people who are adopted that do NOT suffer from those ailments? Nope, the only person that matters to Joan is herself. And of course, she has no problem telling anyone about how she feels!

BUT Joan is NOT finished for THEN, in other comments she says…

Thank you, Mary Payne and Maggie Wilkinson and Robert Allan Hafetz

Actually, my name is Joan. That is my legal name, my adopted name. Mary is my middle name. Robert, I am in therapy. I let my anger at the System out from time to time, but I do not need to forgive. My father gave me up for adoption when a Catholic priest told him to — at my mother’s funeral in 1956. My father, being a very religious man, went against his own love for his 5th child and gave me away. I hold no ill feelings for my father. But my adoptive mother and father, particularly my mother, knew the truth and chose not to tell me. My adoptive father appolo9gized, my a-mm never did. Right on up to a week before she died in 2011, my adoptive mother never apologized for the abuses she cause me. Psychological torture, physical and verbal abuse. Most of my adoptive family, and my blood family, except for the ones who are in my life still, abused me, mocked me, harassed me, spit at me, called me names, humiliated me. WHY? Because I an Adoptees’ Rights Activist, that is why. I do not need to forgive anyone. I am at peace with myself, knowing I am doing the right thing. I know who I am and what I am. I am a writer, exposing the corruption of adoption.

Why did you write a book, Robert Allan Hafetz? I remember when your book came out. I went over to your book’s page and wrote a positive book review. I am a social worker, Robert. I used my social work skills to asses my adoptive family and my family of birth. Lots of hypocrisy, too much blind faith in Jesus, not e4nough science, not enough critical thinking, and certainly, not enough compassion. My two families are cruel people,and very mentally ill. My therapist today applauds my social activism. She applauds my mindfulness meditation, and my self-awareness.

GERT HERE…taking a closer look…

Joan said… I am in therapy. I let my anger at the System out from time to time, but I do not need to forgive.

Gert’s comments are…

She’s been ‘in therapy’ all her life! She’s on SSI disability, because of her physical manifestations of her mental illnesses, and her ‘therapy’ is paid for BY TAXPAYER’S DOLLARS. Aren’t you glad, if you are a tax payer, that you are HELPING Joan in her decades long therapy!

She lets her anger at the system, from time to time! It’s always there; she is always looking for an avenue to let it out! No she doesn’t need to forgive anyone or anything; to do that she would have to ‘give up’ her identity as a sick adoptee along with her hatred for people and adoption! She’s too much in love with that identity and narrative to give up her hate and anger! There’s that same old tired lines about how her father gave her up because of a priest etc etc; all a creation of her own mind because she can’t accept the fact that our father’s second wife REFUSED to take her and well that’s the way it was!

Joan said… I hold no ill feelings for my father. But my adoptive mother and father, particularly my mother, knew the truth and chose not to tell me. My adoptive father appolo9gized, my a-mm never did.

Gert’s comments are…

The hell she doesn’t have ‘ill feelings’ for our father! It’s all over the pages of the two books she wrote!

Joan’s adoptive father was a weak, hen-pecked man, who SUFFERED in silence when his dominating wife and high-strung adopted daughter would yell and scream and fight…right up to and including his death bed! Joan browbeat him just as she did over the years to her adoptive mother. He was ‘lucky’ to escape Joan’s wrath by dying early, but his illnesses were caused by that very same wrath. The adoptive mother was ‘stronger’ than Joan! Why should the woman apologize for adopting and keeping and doing WHAT THE LAW SAID?

Joan attempted several time to do the same kind of browbeating to our father; he KICKED Joan out at least 4 times, when she yelled and screamed at him. Then finally in 2009, when he saw what her book had to say, he REMOVED HER from his personal records and told her that it would be ‘best if you call first before you come here’ and that he ‘didn’t need her help’. But, Joan didn’t do that. She came to my father’s home unannounced, Jan 2011, with a man (that was a stranger to my parents). My father was in the hospital. Joan intimidated my step-mother into finding out where he was and went right there. When Dad died, Jan 11, in the hospital, is when the ENTIRE birth family LEARNED that he changed his papers and removed Joan from everything! Joan BLAMED the birth siblings for that action. Joan yelled at the funeral personnel for ‘not including her’ in his obit. Joan refused to ACCEPT the decision, of the entire BIRTH FAMILY, that she was NOT allowed in their presence at the viewing or funeral. After decades of being misused and mistreated by Joan, everyone WANTED to be away from her.

Of course, in the new ‘edition’ of the book, she puts in print how her cruel and mentally ill sisters REMOVED Joan from the obit, just to ‘get even’ with her! She writes about the ‘many’ conversations she had with Dad about her book and how he ‘liked’ it (all falsehoods). She has a persecution complex! Everyone is out to get her! And she’s an angel!

Joan said… ‘she died in 2011, my adoptive mother never apologized for the abuses she cause me. Psychological torture, physical and verbal abuse.’

Gert’s comments are…

Right! So here FINALLY, because the woman DIED, Joan tells the world that the adoptive mother abused her! Joan didn’t have the guts to name the woman or our father, UNTIL they died in 2011. So NOW in this new revised garbage she NAMES names! A clear violation, of privacy, of the families, along with additional libel being written. According to Joan, dead people can’t sue and neither can their heirs! How nice for Joan!

Just as with her adoptive father and her birth father, Joan browbeat and tormented this poor woman, till the day she died, to GET an apology for ADOPTING Joan! This is sick sick and sick! That’s called ELDER ABUSE. As I said above, this woman, the adoptive mother, was stronger than Joan, for she NEVER apologized to Joan. And as we see, from Joan’s words, that really pisses Joan off! This is how a normal person should act? Ahh but wait!

Even while Joan was browbeating and harassing the woman to apologize, AND the woman was abusing Joan (according to Joan), all her life, this adoptive mother was ‘good enough’ for Joan to use, by moving in, with her children, into the home of the adoptive mother. All the while that Joan lived with and sponged off the old adoptive mother, she continued to hate her! And only UPON DEATH does Joan speak about the abuse the mother did!

Quoting from both books that Joan wrote…first book on page 347 and second book page 292, here is an example of the contempt that Joan had for the adoptive mother.

I was filled with disgust with her’!

So if Joan was so filled with disgust WHY did Joan continue to live in this woman’s home? Why did Joan allow this woman, who abused Joan, to RAISE Joan’s children? Why did Joan allow this woman to pay for Joan’s FOOD and HOUSING? Why did Joan ACCEPT this woman’s MONEY, again, that paid for Joan’s SECOND college degree (same mother paid for the first degree)? Why? Because Joan is a user and an abuser and a hater!

Joan said… ‘Most of my adoptive family, and my blood family, except for the ones who are in my life still, abused me, mocked me, harassed me, spit at me, called me names, humiliated me.’

Gert’s comments are…

So it begs the question…who are those that are ‘still in her life’? For those that are NOT, in her life, I can only guess that we are guilty of whatever Joan says we did! Joan’s words, as an adoptee, must be TRUTH! Anyone, who defends themselves, against what the adoptee says about them, are cruel, crazy, mentally ill, full of hate and more.

Joan has accused me of doing terrible things to her and YET she kept coming back to me! Over and over again, even when I told her to go to Hell, she continued to come back to me and tell me she loved me! But, in print she fabricates, what actually happened, or doesn’t even tell of some of those five (5) contacts we had over the years from 1981, when I forbade her in my life, to that last phone conversation in 2005, when I wanted to end the hate. She told me she loved me again, but then…I had to wait until 2010 to get the libelous book in my hands to find out about all the horrors I committed to her! According to Joan, my last phone call to her in 2005 was a ‘fishing trip’ trying to find out what she was ‘up to’. Joan always as her own spin on reality and every adoptee in the world believes Joan’s views. Spit at her! I wouldn’t waste my life force on this idiot! She really has a wild imagination!

Joan said… ‘WHY? Because I an Adoptees’ Rights Activist, that is why.’

Gert’s comments are…

Joan is NOT a ‘rights activist’! She is an abolitionist! She doesn’t give a shit about rights.

No! I don’t give a rat’s ass that she’s an adoptee rights activist or whatever! I did care when she interfered with my children and my parental rights, when I was adopting! I did care and took steps to get Joan out of my and my children’s lives. I do care that she called two false child abuse reports on me! I do care when she exploits my FAMILY and fabricates about my FAMILY. Those were the reasons that each and every member of the BIRTH FAMILY, including our father, KICKED Joan out of our lives.

Joan said… ‘I do not need to forgive anyone. I am at peace with myself, knowing I am doing the right thing. I know who I am and what I am. I am a writer, exposing the corruption of adoption.’

Gert’s comments are…

Seems like she’s trying to convince herself! Delusional thinking. I doubt very much that she is at peace with herself, for if she were she would NOT spend her life in hate and anger and expressing it! She does NOT expose corruption of adoption! All she does is EXPOSE and EXPLOIT family members, by writing fabricated story lines to fit into her vision of who she is and what she is! This newest revision of her libelous book has only her version of her life, a life she is convinced was CORRUPTED BY ADOPTION. Only a sick mind thinks this way.

Joan said… Why did you write a book, Robert Allan Hafetz? I remember when your book came out. I went over to your book’s page and wrote a positive book review.

Gert’s comments are…

I went searching, found the book etc. but found NOTHING written by Joan. Perhaps if anyone finds it, they will let me know, for I am interested in what she had to say.

Joan said… ‘I used my social work skills to asses my adoptive family and my family of birth. Lots of hypocrisy, too much blind faith in Jesus, not e4nough science, not enough critical thinking, and certainly, not enough compassion. My two families are cruel people,and very mentally ill.’

Gert’s comments are…

Right! She used her ‘skills’ in a self-serving manner (highly unethical) to prove her OWN assessment of her families! First of all, she is highly BIASED and therefore cannot make an ‘assessment’. Secondly, her positions are called ‘junk science’, which has a ‘theory’ and then finds ‘facts’ to prove their position. REAL science works the other way around; facts first! This is why Joan’s promoting herself as a social worker is very dangerous. Having a degree in something and having HAD EXPERIENCE are two very different things! So many people are so gullible believing what so-called ‘experts’ say!

Joan is full of hypocrisy, hates all religions particularly Christianity, believes in ‘junk science’, is highly critical of others, does NOT engage in any form of critical thinking and has NO compassion. Her assessment? Right here;

‘My two families are cruel people, and very mentally ill.’

This is how a social worker thinks and acts. What really is amazing IS there are people that believe this bullshit!

Her social work skills and what she wrote, in the first book, were JUST what got our father to, in 2009, finally banish her from his life, when he read the final draft. He took her off his documents where he HAD previously acknowledged her. As I stated earlier, no one in the family knew he did that until he died. Joan blamed the funeral personnel for not having her in the obit and then she blamed the ‘sisters’. In truth, it was our father who removed her because of her ‘assessment’, her condemnation of his ethnic heritage and his religion!

In the second book, when it first was available, it contained the assessment and more, but once I made public what Joan had said about a group of adoptees, Joan DELETED those four (4) chapters because it contained too much damaging info to her CAUSE. Her cause is NOT adoption reform, but to exploit and lie about the birth and adoptive families.

Joan said… ‘My therapist today applauds my social activism. She applauds my mindfulness meditation, and my self-awareness.’

Gert’s comments are…

Remember what Joan said in the beginning?

‘lifelong Complex and Profound PTSD, major clinical depression, anxiety, panic, startle reflex, and physical illness from this stress’

So just what has the therapist DONE to help? Allowing Joan to continue to do social activism isn’t helping and IF Joan is doing mindfulness meditation she would not be doing activism. Mindfulness meditation entails ‘letting go’ of ‘mindsets’ and pre-conceived beliefs that hold one back from happiness and wholeness. Joan’s self-awareness is just another name for being in love with her NARRATIVE. In other words Joan and her therapist are bullshitters!

OKAY moving on; a couple of other comments from others and more from Joan.

Mary Payne said…That priest sure knew when to hit up your bio-father. He was probably in shock. Joan, I applaud all your good work. It takes a lot of fortitude to overcome the kind of abuse you had. I have no idea why these people believe it’s OK to lie to an adopt…

Gert’s comments are…

People just ‘response’ to Joan’s comments without THINKING; Joan speaks the ‘adoptee language’ perfectly. These adoptees are all of the same mindset, just wanting to believe their own BS. There seems to be several common beliefs, held by adoptees, and when someone like Joan speaks her ‘sob-story’ they all fall in line with it. These beliefs and thinking patterns may or may not have validation, but, many of them have actually caused many, adoptees and others, to believe that there is something WRONG with adoption. Reform is needed, for sure, but adoption is not an evil.

Just what ‘good work’ has Joan ever done? All I’ve ever seen, and written about, are Joan’s browbeating skills, as she goes after anyone who is pro-adoption and who adopts. Obviously I did not get all of this comment, doesn’t matter, for these people all believe in their own propaganda. Joan’s ‘story-line’ is that a priest convince father to ‘give her up’, but that’s NOT the truth. The truth is that Dad’s second wife, whom he married to give a mother to his children, REFUSED to take the infant (Joan) and that is WHY she was placed into adoption.

Robert Allan Hafetz said…Few therapists know how to care for adoptees. Thats another sad reality of adoption. I had to educate my professors in grad school. They had no idea. I have clients who are psychologists and dont have a clue about what

Gert’s comments are…

None of that matter! What these types of adoptees need to UNDERSTAND is that people who CHOOSE to adopt, like myself, have a right to do so, without being harassed, intimidated, insulted or browbeaten by the likes of Joan M Wheeler! As a mother, I had/have EVERY RIGHT to make my own DECISIONS without the interference that Joan did to me and my family. When I told her to ‘butt out’, of my family, Joan called false child abuse upon me, twice. Just because Joan is an adoptee is NO REASON for her to have violated my parental rights and tell my children that I was ‘doing harm to them’ and that they ‘did not have to listen to me’.

Joan Mary Wheeler said… Robert Allan Hafetz Yes, that is correct! When I was in social work college, I pointed out that the textbooks did not mention adopted people, did not even have one sentence on adopted people. Or mothers and fathers who lost their children to adoption. The textbooks, and classes, were all geared for the poor, infertile people who needed to adopt someone else’s child. Took me many years to find the right therapist. Yes, I brought in all the books written by our therapist-activists.

Gert’s comments are…

I’ve said it many times in many ways, if you don’t think like Joan you will be targeted by her. Doesn’t matter WHY someone adopt, for to Joan and those that think like her, all adoptions are evil.

Quoting from Joan’s latest revised edition of her lying book; Chapter 40 Hate and Social Work, e-book location 5443; printed book page 293 (and a few pages before/ after what I quote here) A close reading will show the closed-mind that she has as well as her self-description of her physical/mental ills, neglect and abuse of her children, all a result of adoption! Instead of adoption being the ‘cause’ perhaps it actually was Joan’s own cruelty and mental illnesses that were/are the problem.

Joan writes…The five years I spent in college earning a second bachelor’s degree were desperate times for me. I struggled with overwhelming depression, feelings that I had nothing to live for, that I was fighting an uphill battle in every area overwhelming depression, feelings that I had nothing to live for, that I was fighting an uphill battle in every area of my life. Very little consoled me. Throwing myself into my studies full-time, I overdid it, killing myself to get straight A’s. Meanwhile, I neglected my kids, shutting them out in order to write great college papers. I scrambled to meet conflicting schedules (mine and my children’s), internships, and work-study schedules. Meeting deadlines became more important to me than my children. Since I had been told so many times from so many people I was worthless, I needed to prove that I was good at something.

and

Professors were put off by my observations as I challenged them. Classmates told me I wasn’t open to the needs of the clients.

and

I suffered in silence and ridicule, but found the textbooks relating to adoption issues to be misleading or totally absent.

and

classmates misunderstood and arguments broke out…I stood my ground.

and

I created a near-riot in one class by simply addressing issues I raised

Gert here…

Well there’s more but you get the drift here. Joan just wants to get everyone to think as she does and when they don’t and argue back…then they become Joan’s enemy!

Joan writes …Took me many years to find the right therapist. Yes, I brought in all the books written by our therapist-activists.

Gert’s comments are…

Years?! Joan’s a professional patient. Her problem is that she WILL NOT let go of her hate and anger. I doubt that she has the ‘right’ therapist now. As I said above, if Joan was truly working with mindfulness she would STOP writing about adoption, STOP browbeating people, STOP telling over and over again the same story lines that are FALSE.

Mary Payne said  They all believe the adoptive parent stereotype–how wonderful the adoptive parents must be for taking in a child not there own…and how ungrateful the adoptee is for not worshipping at their feet. It’s hard to believe how educated people could be so…well, dumb & blind. I finally found the perfect therapist for me. She worked for years with children who were committed to a state institution. She’s now retired, but in private practice.

Gert’s comments are…

Regardless of where a person is on the issue of adoption, there still is NO EXCUSE for the behaviors that Joan M Wheeler has done to her OWN FAMILIES! Her behavior patterns were formed from her adoptive family, had nothing to do with the birth family. If Joan is so sick that she needs therapy, that is NOT the fault of the birth family, we were VICTIMS of Joan’s behaviors!

Joan Mary Wheeler said… Glad you found a reliable therapist. Yes, ignorance about adoption is rampant.

Gert’s comments are…

And here we see Joan, the pot telling the kettle something they both (Joan and the pot) know! Just keep working the system, go to therapist after therapist, browbeat them into believing YOUR particular BS and all will be well!

Joan Mary Wheeler said Robert Allan Hafetz perhaps you ought to check into my memoir, Kindle edition published in May, Print edition published November 2nd.

Gert’s comments are…

See! All she wants is for people to believe her narrative of her life! She doesn’t care to ‘learn’ anything from another; she’s only interested in promoting her book that is AGAINST both the birth and adoptive families. All of this was just another method to ADVERTISE the damn book!

also check out this Facebook page… https://www.facebook.com/dupedbyadoption1

End

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