No doubt about it, Joan M Wheeler’s latest revision, of Forbidden Family, Duped by Adoption, is ‘an eye-opening’ book! She is her own worst enemy and she doesn’t even know it! Review # 9 Stanley Bostich

An eye-opening book…

Too bad, that most of those that read it, and/or review it, are BLIND to the fact that the book is pure BULLSHIT. The reason they are BLIND? They have been DUPED, by Joan, into believing Joan’s BULLSHIT. There is nothing in this revision that helps the cause, of reforming adoption laws, to give adoptees access to their birth/medical records. Joan doesn’t give a shit about reform; she deleted four chapters that had any information that could be of use for reform. Joan is not a reformist. She is an abolitionist! She will slant/fabricate anything to prove her points. She knows that most ‘non-thinking’ people will NOT question her because she is so GOOD at the art of deception.

Joan M Wheeler should not be believed! She has even ‘revised’ the TRUTH, from the first edition to the second edition! How can anyone believe what she writes when she changes the TRUTH from one version to another? This revision has changes that she made AFTER she READ the birth siblings blogs! And then some of her ‘author’ boilerplate stuff, on Amazon, has been changed to reflect what I have exposed about her misrepresenting FACTS. Question; will she changed what is in the PRINTED VERSION OF THIS BOOK? I wonder for I’ve exposed many LIES and FABRICATIONS, in the printed version.

And to make matters worse, Joan has a ‘publishing business’; Identity Press! This way she can con more innocent people into doing her bidding. Somehow I don’t see her getting many submissions, from regular folks, who are willing to EXPOSE themselves, and their families, to what Joan WANTS THEM TO DO. If these folks think long and hard, as to what THIS BIRTH FAMILY HAS BEEN THROUGH AND HAVE SPENT YEARS EXPOSING WHAT JOAN HAS WRITTEN…would they RISK THEIR FAMILIES WRATH? I doubt it!

Only time will tell…in the meanwhile…here we have review number nine! And my comments that I placed on Amazon.

An eye-opening book  By Stanley Bostich on December 30, 2015

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase

I have absolutely no experience with adoption. I learned SO much from this book. It wasn’t an easy read for me. I had difficulty keeping track of the various family members (birth, adoptive, half-birth, foster-step-adoptive, I think). What I found most amazing was the images of the two birth certificates listing different parents and birth names. I was astounded to discover that many adult adoptees do not have access to their own birth records. That is just flat-out wrong.

The reunion portion of the book gave me a perspective that never would have occurred to me. I now have some appreciation of the time, energy, and stress involved with being “found” and getting to know the “new” family. Just the extra demand on your time could really mess things up. In these families, there were so many half-orphans and adoptions, etc. that it is no surprise that they were really messed up. I have no doubt that there was much love. There was also much anger and cruelty.

Also, adoption seems to be much more common than I realized. For example, while I was reading this book, I had it with me in a restaurant. The waitress asked me about it, then told me the story of her adoption.

Though this book is a memoir, the author puts a lot of effort (perhaps unsuccessfully) into trying to understand/explain the feelings of the other people involved. I’m also impressed with her desire to fit into all the sets of relatives and how much effort she put into it over the years. My overall impression is that the author was a pretty normal artsy teenage girl, then WHAM!

I highly recommend this book to anyone considering adoption. It can give a heads-up to a lot of easily avoided pitfalls. For adoptees, well, if you’re interested in hearing someone else’s story…this is one hell of a story

 

Your initial post: Dec 31, 2015 3:03:39 PM PST

gert mcqueen says:

One hell of a fictional tale!

An eye-opening book and one hell of a story and For adoptees, well, if you’re interested in hearing someone else’s story…says this reviewer. This commentator says…don’t believe everything you read about someone else’s story because that story is being told one-sidedly. The author has an agenda; to prove that adoption needs to be abolished. Know the politics before you believe the propaganda! Stanley, you mention the anger and cruelty, again know the author before you believe her propaganda.

This reviewer says… I had difficulty keeping track of the various family members (birth, adoptive, half-birth, foster-step-adoptive. This commentator says… No kidding! TV reality shows and soaps do a much better job of that! This reviewer also says the author puts a lot of effort (perhaps unsuccessfully) into trying to understand/explain the feelings of the other people involved. Yes, Stanley, I would agree, very unsuccessfully! The author’s efforts are called putting words into another’s mouth and ascribing deeds and motives to others that were never there. In other words…it’s FICTION. Every word, every deed, done by others, are slanted toward the personal/political agendas of the author. Knowing the birth family, much of the drama never happened, or if it did, not the way the author describes events.

A perfect example is here; Chapter 29, More changes, location 4075 in Kindle edition.
Dad, I’ve heard so many stories. What should I believe?
Believe the one I’m telling you now…I married M three months after your mother died…I had my reasons…I dated M when we were both 17. It wasn’t serious and soon I met your mother and married her. M went on to marry someone else. Years later, I saw an obituary for her father and asked your mother to go to the funeral with me…after your mother died, I called M…she was recently divorced, we decided to get married
So Dad, where does the orphanage and foster home come in?
M and I were married for about six years before this occurred. Let’s see. Your mother died in 1956, so this must have happened in the early sixties, around 1962.
Irma left the orphanage to get married. ….end of example

So here the author is relating a `true conversation’ with her birth father. The author clearly states that the father says Believe the one I’m telling you now. The author has taken literary license by putting words in another’s mouth and weaving a tale that is untrue passing it off as truth because the book is labeled non-fiction! While the birth father DID marry again three months after the death of his wife, his reasons were to provide a two-parent home for 7 children (his five/her 2) but at the last moment the second wife decided she did NOT want the infant. That infant, the author, was placed into adoption.

The father did NOT know M (second wife) when they were 17; they met in 1945 when both were in the Army, well over the age of 17! Father met and married first wife in 1946. M (second wife) never married and therefore never divorced before she married this father (this was her one and only marriage) who asked her to marry to provide that 2-parent home. And so M and father married in June 1956. In 1957, M had to be hospitalized and the children were placed in orphanage and foster homes. This was less than ONE YEAR after marriage NOT 6 YEARS. It took place in 1957 not 1962. Irma never lived in an orphanage but was in the same foster home from spring of 1957 to spring of 1965, when she moved back with the father upon the death of M, the second wife, from cancer. Irma then finished HS and then married!

This book contains the true identities of people who have LIVING relatives, who KNOW the truth of these people. Readers of this book have been DUPED!

Permalink…

http://www.amazon.com/review/RDSGR7OHK4FEL/ref=cm_cr_rev_detmd_pl?ie=UTF8&asin=0615799221&cdForum=Fx269BNO0DCN2WN&cdMsgID=Mx2PQP8B5XAQ42M&cdMsgNo=1&cdPage=1&cdSort=oldest&cdThread=TxDLDQ21TANGQA&store=books#Mx2PQP8B5XAQ42M

I could go on and on about all the falsehoods that are in this freaking book, but I shall wait for another time.

Update January 26, 2016…the nature of Amazon comments are that sometimes comments are deleted for any number of reasons, most because they fail to meet Amazon’s guidelines (not always easy to understand) and/or because ‘other’ people may not like a comment. So…if you read a blog post, of mine here, and go to the book’s site, you may see things different from the contents of individual blog posts. I can NOT update each and every change that may occur.

My comment above was deleted, I reworked it to eliminate most my ‘commentaries’ leaving the majority in tack. The new comment is up on the review.

I am now adding two additional comments here, on this post about this ‘review’ as it is VERY TELLING.

Posted on Jan 25, 2016 7:19:40 AM PST

Ruth Pace says…

the difficulty the reviewer had with keeping up with the many “half-orphans, adoptees, steps” is beyond my understanding.
Why? Because the author of this book insisted not in telling about only her adoption and the effects of adoption on her, but telling about the childhood lives of other people.
And the author also muddied the story with her misconceptions of people’s feelings and actions, filliing many pages with her “speculations” and half-truths. This reviewer says “the author puts a lot of effort (perhaps unsuccessfully) into trying to understand/explain the feelings of the other people involved.
I agree, because for one thing, it is not the author’s place to explain the feelings of other people.

She originally came from a family of 5 siblings. When her mother died, the father remarried and gained two stepsons. That second wife died and the father married for a third time and gained two step daughters. And then adopted one of the stepdaughters.
What is so difficult to understand? There are many step and blended families these days. As to being “messed-up” – the author was raised as an only child. The rest of her birthsiblings, were placed – some in an orphanage for a year, and some in a foster home. Along with the step-brothers from the second marriage. There were times the siblings were seperated, but none of them were ever without one or two. And they visited often, and came back for holidays, summers, etc. To them it was normal. Wherever they were, what ever adult took care of them, they were loved. At the time of the father’s third marriage – they were young adults and starting their own lives and establishing their own homes. Each of them, the births and the steps, all had good, long careers, never were arrested, never abused drugs or alcohol. Hardly the picture of being “messed up.” But then, this is how the author likes to portray them. The anger and cruelty came from one who wants to punish the world and particularly her birthsiblings because she was adopted out, and they were not.
Blended families don’t get “stapled” together. Get my drift?

Ruth Pace says:

on the other hand, it is no wonder that this reviewer has difficulty understanding familial relationships. Electric staplers merely staple things together mechanically, using no real emotions. How an electric stapler managed to fool amazon into getting an account is what baffles me. I smells a troll, a fake account. google Stanley Bostich – a stapler manufactured by Stanley Tools.
The real question is why? Considering the amount of lies contained in the book, and various deceitful practices that I have been witness to, I have to wonder who thought of using the name of an electric stapler. If the book and its contents is on the up-and-up, there should be no reason for anyone to create a sock account.

 

As you can see there’s more to these reviews and reviewers UNDER THE SURFACE. There are also more reviews…so stay tune

Here’s a list of all the reviews..so far…

1)     https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/08/21/what-duped-by-adoption-joan-m-wheelers-friends-have-to-say-about-her-latest-piece-of-garbage-reviewer-number-one-1-of-3/

2)    https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/09/01/what-duped-by-adoption-joan-m-wheelers-friends-have-to-say-about-her-latest-piece-of-garbage-reviewer-number-two-2-of-3/

3)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/09/09/3-of-3-what-duped-by-adoption-joan-m-wheelers-friends-have-to-say-about-her-latest-piece-of-garbage-reviewer-number-three/

4)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/08/22/i-interrupt-my-sequence-of-3-reviews-and-my-comments-to-bring-you-this-newest-one-too-good-to-wait/

5)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/09/13/review-number-five-5-of-joan-m-wheelers-garbage-e-book-forbidden-family-my-life-as-an-adoptee-duped-by-adoption-and-my-initial-comment/

6)    https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/09/18/review-six-6-of-forbidden-family-my-life-as-an-adoptee-duped-by-adoption-by-joan-m-wheeler/

7)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/10/22/review-7-of-joan-m-wheelers-revised-edition-of-her-garbage-book-my-life-as-an-adoptee-duped-by-adoption-says-the-book-describes-the-pain-of-being-a-victim/

8)  https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/12/01/review-number-eight-8-of-my-life-as-an-adoptee-duped-by-adoption/

9)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/12/31/no-doubt-about-it-joan-m-wheelers-latest-revision-of-forbidden-family-duped-by-adoption-is-an-eye-opening-book-she-is-her-own-worst-enemy-and-she-doesnt-even-k/

10)  https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2016/01/03/review-10-of-joan-m-wheelers-garbage-book-people-do-see-behind-her-curtain/

11)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2016/01/04/review-11of-joan-m-wheelers-garbage-book-not-everyone-is-duped/

12) https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2016/01/26/review-12-or-is-it-11-of-joans-disgusting-book-duped-by-adoption/

13) https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2016/01/26/review-13-for-duped-by-adoption-adoption-a-view-from-the-other-side/

end

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Joan M Wheeler must have had a lousy Christmas for she sure needs attention!

It’s a real shame that she continues to spread the same nasty lies about our mother! Even if she ‘believes’ the lies the only reasons she continues to tell them is because she NEEDS attention. Also, she NEEDS to plug her new revised edition of the same old lies!

I happen to ‘follow’ her Forbidden Family WordPress blog. When I saw her post of Dec 27, 2015 I decided to ‘like’ it; to let her ‘know’ that I saw it…not that I liked it, of course. I have no way of knowing if she see who likes her posts. I do find it very interesting that my ‘like’ is the only one this post has.

The next day as I was pondering the post I began to look ‘inside’ the book again and looked back into my memory. I enlisted Ruth’s memory as well. Then I decided to do some ‘tweets’ on Twitter, my initial reactions. Those tweets got a lot of views!

First I present Joan’s post…all of which is totally a fabrication of her diseased mind. I then present my tweets, then my commentary about what actually happened. Then some falsehoods I found within Joan’s revised edition.

Then I ask, that you the reader, compare what Joan wrote in this post with mine account.

^^^^

Joan’s post Dec 27 The First Two Christmases of My Life

Today, two days after Christmas 60 years ago, my pregnant mother was taken by bus (my parents did not own a car) to the hospital. She was so sick that she was admitted. Tests were done and, though the doctors knew she was pregnant, they x-rayed her abdomen (so I received a full body dose of x-ray radiation). There, next to me, was a massive tumor. Mom gave birth to me on January 7, 1956, two months prematurely. Mom died on March 28, 1956.

The following year, just a few weeks before Christmas 1956 and just before my adoption became final, the husband and wife who had custody of me since that April (and who would become my adoptive “parents”) felt sorry for my father and for my four older siblings. “We bought a Christmas tree and presents and drove them over to your father’s house when the kids were asleep, so they would not see us. We wanted them to have a Christmas,” my 89 year old adoptive mother said to me in 2005.

When I heard this story for the first time in my life, I was seething with rage. While my adoptive “parents” thought they were being kind by giving these charity gifts to a family who was “less fortunate,” what they actually did was give gifts to ease the pain of taking away the baby to keep for their very own.

Yes, my father relinquished me to adoption, but no one ever offered him help. No one ever thought that the baby might miss her family, or that the siblings might miss their baby sister. Just give the baby a new home and new name and be done with it. What counted most was to provide me with two parents, a new home, and a new life. And to provide a child for a childless married couple who desperately wanted a baby.

I lived a sheltered life as an only child.

To say that I felt betrayed when the truth was revealed, is an understatement.

Joan Mary Wheeler

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00X520CGW?ie=UTF8&tag=forbifamil01-20

^^^^^

Here are the tweets I made (my first reactions)…

gert mcqueen ‏@gertmcqueen  Dec 28

Joan M Wheeler is full of shit! She must be in great NEED for attention to cont to exploit our mother/father to promote lying book

Please by all means LOOK at amazon see my comments on that lying book of Joan M Wheeler. For every lie I will expose the truth, she’s nuts

when will Joan M Wheeler did a fucking life and let our parent and siblings alone? all she does is exploit exploit exploit and plug her book

xmas 56, I was NINE I remember! grandparents had tree/gifts, step-mom’s family were there. Joan believes lies her a-mom told her LIES LIES

xmas of 56 Joan’s adoptive parent DID NOT give my dad a xmas tree/presents. He was MARRIED again, we were NOT poor, he worked for the city

Joan says pg 225, that when stepmom was taken we were ages, 15, 14, 12, 9 and 12….WRONG WRONG. It happened in 1957 I WAS TEN Joan lies

Joan M Wheeler writes for shock and awe, like TV REALITY shows, she KNOWS not what happened, she makes it all up and she is DISGRACE

we children were all UNDER THE AGE OF 10, we NEVER saw what Joan writes, ‘attendants took her away in front of the kids’ Joan is NUTS

2nd wife/step-mom had to be hospitalized, 1957, it was ARRANGED, we went to school then to foster/orphan homes, THEN stepmom was taken away

pg225, another lie, Joan says we went to foster/orphan homes in 62 WRONG, it was 1957, also wrong, we NEVER saw step-mom taken away

Joan M Wheeler has LIED and LIED abt ME AND FAMILY FOR DECADES. I am the AUTHORITY of my life NOT JOAN WHEELER. Believe her NOT

after 1 year marriage to my dad, 2nd wife, developed mental illnesses, that is when I & 1 sis went to FOSTER HOME, 3 others to orphanehomes

AGAIN, the reason Joan M Wheeler was placed into adoption is because 2nd wife REFUSED to care of infant. 2nd wife was NEVER MARRIED PRIOR

2nd wife had 2 illegitmate sons BEFORE she married my dad, the oldest stay w/grandmom, the younger with her/my dad, + 4 children of Dad

dad married 2ndwife 3 mo aft mom died, to CARE of 7 children, but she REFUSED the infant, Joan, that is reason for Joan’s adoption.

dad’s 2nd wife was NEVER MARRIED OR DIVORCED! Dad met her in the army, then met my mom 45, they married 46, she died 56

Joan M Wheeler puts words in my father’s mouth! like about his 2nd wife. Joan says that that woman was ‘married then divorced’ before my dad

I moved back to Dad’s spring of 65, finished HS & then married! I was 18. Joan M Wheeler MAKES SHIT UP, to FIT HER STORY.

Joan M Wheeler says that I, Gert left orphanage to be get married pg226 WRONG I was never in one lived in foster home from 1957 to 65

Joan M Wheeler’s newest blog post, pure nonsense, just more lies she was told by adoptive mom that she can’t LET GO OF same within book lies

End of the tweets.

Now my commentary.

Regardless of what Joan says, whether or not Dad told her, this or that, or the adoptive mother told her this or that, FACT remains that Joan PUTS WORDS IN OTHER PEOPLE’S MOUTHS AND MAKES THEM DO DEEDS THEY NEVER DID. I know for FACT that my father would NEVER describe the way my mother was in the hospital or when she died, as Joan tells it. My father was a private man and would NEVER say what Joan has him saying!

In December of 1956, I was 8. Three weeks later, I turned 9, January 14, 1947. My mother had been ill; we kids were told that she was going to the hospital for a couple of weeks. In other words, the trip to the hospital was a PLANNED ONE. It was planned BECAUSE she was put on COMPLETE BED REST to hold the pregnancy (5th child Joan). She also was put on that drug to hold pregnancies (DES).

While I cannot be certain, I would suspect that my father CALLED A CAB to take my mother to the hospital, either a cab or a friend, considering that she was ill, he NEVER WOULD HAVE TAKEN A BUS. Dad never learned to drive a car, but he had MANY friends that took him and his family places. Dad also took many CABS. I recall cab rides all through my childhood, even him taking a CAB to and from the foster home and orphan home, we were placed in.

Mother was NOT x-rayed when she went into the hospital that December; (the fetus was not exposed to x-ray) there was NO NEED, for there was NO EXPECTATION of anything other than HOLDING THE PREGNANCY. My mother delivered the 5th child, in her hospital bed, prematurely. It was AT THAT TIME, after the birth of Joan, that x-rays and exploratory surgery was done, (around Jan 19) tumor found, decisions made, by both mother and father and doctors, that nothing more could be done. The pregnancy COVERED UP the tumor! So in FACT, it was the fetus of that 5th child (Joan) that covered up what ACTUALLY WAS HAPPENING inside mother’s body! Mother KNEW that nothing more could be done for her, she was in pain and wanted no more surgeries or treatments. She KNEW SHE WAS DYING.

Mother agreed to father’s decisions about remarrying to provide 2 parents for a total of 7 children. It was AFTER the death of mother that the woman whom agreed to marry my father said SHE REFUSED THE INFANT. That is the reason why 5th child (Joan) was placed into adoption. The infant was being cared for by relatives. The four older children were living with grandparents and other relatives. My father agreed to place the infant into adoption QUICKLY AND QUIETLY, as he always said ‘out of sight out of mind’. He was NOT PRESSURED; he knew what he had to do! Yes, people told him about the couple that DID adopt Joan, but NOT at the funeral.

My mother died in March 1956. My father remarried in June 1956. Between April and June, ALL ARRANGEMENTS were made for all the children. Joan was given to the Wheelers for adoption. Ruth and Leonard were brought home from relatives. Kathy and Gert were brought home from grandparents. James stayed with his grandparents. John came with his mother. By July 1956 the home we all lived in on Smith St. was full with my father, my step-mother, her son, myself, my brother and my two sisters.

My father was working, since 1955, for the city of Buffalo. He was not ‘dirt poor’ as Joan repeats that her adoptive mother said. My paternal grandparents were also NOT poor.

My father’s second wife was known to my father, from days in Washington DC during the war (1945). She had NEVER been married, therefore never divorced, but did have two children, out of wed-lock, by the time my father proposed the marriage of ‘convenience’. Her oldest son stayed with her mother/sister. Her younger son stayed with her and my father raised him.

The Christmas of 1956 was NOT like what Joan says…that is a lie her adoptive mother told her and Joan continues to believe the falsehood!

I REMEMBER Christmas! My grandparents had a tree, gifts, food. My parents, (father and step-mother) had a tree, gifts, food. My stepmother’s family had a tree, gifts and food.

There was NO late night visit, while we were sleeping, or otherwise, by Joan’s adoptive parents! What utter bullshit! My father would NOT have wanted CONTACT with the Wheeler’s, the LAW told him to stay away. In June 56, my father had another WIFE and his family back (minus that 5th child). At no time would my step-mother have allowed the intrusion by the Wheelers into HER HOME! I know because I lived with my step-mother…Joan and the Wheelers never knew her! Joan makes shit up!

^^^^

Quotes from, My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption.

From Chap 45, Behind Closed Doors, pg 336, 337

Besides the Christmas, that never happened, as I state above, here’s another bit of nonsense from Joan mind…

Her adoptive mother is saying to Joan…

‘We felt bad about the other kids. At one point, we bought shoes for them, and even offered to adopt all five of you, but your father wouldn’t have it.’

Then Joan is wondering out loud in print…

‘My mind was a blur. Over the span of three decades, my father hadn’t mentioned any of this to me. Maybe he forgot (or it was too painful for him).’

WTF…perhaps, Joan…it NEVER HAPPENED! Because it NEVER HAPPENED, it’s just more nonsense from your old adoptive mother and your hatred for her and adoption.

Chap 29, More changes, pg 224, 225, 226… contain totally falsehoods about myself and my family, some of my tweets, above, hint at the falsehoods, but that will wait for another time.

Anything that Joan M Wheeler writes, about the birth family AND the adoptive family, must be understood to be COLORED and FAVORED, by Joan’s hatred and her NEED for attention and self-pity.

Re-read Joan’s Christmas post and tell me you believe her ‘version’ of reality!

end

what others think about the delusional thinking of Joan M Wheeler

if you have not seen what OTHERS think of Joan’s thinking, here’s some examples…

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/can-joan-mary-wheeler-survive-with-her-one-sided-delusional-thinking-fighting-adoption-isnt-helping-her-flipthescript/

Joan M Wheeler should not be her own publicist! Her constant rewrites and piecemeal promotions are not consistent! Bad PR work as well as lying!

She cannot remember what she wrote, when she wrote it and apparently doesn’t care that there are many inconsistencies in her PR campaigns, let alone within the book(s). In this new revision, ‘duped by adoption’, on Kindle and printed versions, besides the many old, and now new lies, against two families, we find some significant ‘additions’ and ‘omissions’.

On the book’s Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/Forbidden-Family-358715425479/ and on Amazon, in two places, one called ‘biography’, the other called ‘about the author’ (under editorial reviews) and in the book itself. They are three different versions of her ‘bio’!

In the book the first paragraph, of her bio, isn’t even there! I can only guess, of course, about that. Knowing Joan as I do, she uses her propaganda to ‘grab’ people’s attention and then reels them in. Once she has them ‘caught and netted’ (book purchased) she doesn’t need that inflammatory propaganda.

To begin…here is her biography/about the author. After which will be some of my own commentaries, that I could not place on Amazon, and then what I did placed on Amazon as a discussion topic. here is the link to that discussion topic

http://www.amazon.com/about-the-author-and-biography/forum/Fx16ZHWP5PQHHCK/TxU3Z2WEE6OKCO/1/ref=cm_cd_et_md_pl?_encoding=UTF8&asin=B00X520CGW&cdMsgID=Mx3MC6S24I30Z0A&cdMsgNo=1&cdSort=oldest#Mx3MC6S24I30Z0A

Joan’s words in italic

Joan Mary Wheeler is an American adoptee and author fighting for the freedom of 7 to 10 million American adoptees and donor-conceived people. She is a displaced and resettled person by adoption, a reunited adoptee since 1974, an adoptees’ rights activist and adoption abolitionist promoting family preservation, kinship care, then guardianship over adoption. Domestically-born and adopted, she was born legitimately as Doris Michol Sippel in 1956 and half-orphaned at age three months when her mother died.

Since 1975, her articles on adoptees’ civil and human rights have been published in The Buffalo News (since 1976) and The Erie Daily Times (1975 – 1976). Joan contributed to the publication of the United States Congressional Record, Foster Care and Adoption Assistance Program (1985). Her autobiographical article “Dual Identity” appeared in Common Ground: WNY Women’s Newsjournal, Buffalo, New York (1985). A revised version, “The Secret is Out,” was published in Adoption and Fostering: Journal of the British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering (1990), and a Dutch translation was included in the book Kind van Andere Ouders (Child of Other Parents), The Netherlands (1991). Joan contributed to the New South Wales Law Reform Commission’s publication Report 69: Review of the Adoption Information Act 1990, Australia (1992). She presented a paper entitled “Adoptees and Children of Reproductive Technologies” to The President’s Council on Bioethics, Washington, D.C. (2004). A collection of her poems was published in Over Coffee: The Northside Writers Anthology, Snyder, New York (2012). 

Joan has been interviewed on radio and television in the United States, Canada, and England.

Joan worked as a hospital social worker with head trauma patients, homeless services, crisis counseling, and suicide prevention.

She received a Bachelor of Arts from Mercyhurst College in Erie, Pennsylvania (1978) and a Bachelor of Science in Social Work from State University of New York College at Buffalo, graduating Cum Laude (1999). She resides in Buffalo, New York, USA.

End of Joan’s bio.

Now, it must be remembered that a person cannot really catch each and every addition or omission or sleight of hand that Joan does; for her constant rewrites makes it almost impossible to spot them. But the birth siblings have enough, more than enough, reasons, and ability, to spot a new lie or fabrication, and point them out.

With no particular reference as such, here are some passing thoughts…

Joan’s MO is NOT to educate or reform but to argue, browbeat and intimidate those that CHOSE to adopt. She did it to me, in 1980/81, when I and second husband adopted my son. She violated my parental rights, because to her adoption is an evil. She said I was HARMING my children. Her violation of my family’s rights was the reason I ‘divorced’ her and for that she continues to harm me within the pages of her libelous story and everywhere!

This type of behavior does NOT win anyone to her side of an argument. She complains that I did not listen to her. I did! Then I told her to butt out of my business. I then proceeded to do what was RIGHT for me and my family; adopt. Joan punished me with false child abuse reports, twice!

For Joan to state that she is a ‘fighter for freedom and rights’ of one group of people and then condemn and ridicule another group of people only shows her anger and frustration at being adopted and her powerlessness to stop others from adopting. Because Joan is so convinced of her arguments against adoption she is totally oblivious to the utter nonsense that she writes/speaks. She is a true believer in her cause; that is a very dangerous person.

She does have a wild imagination! She has delusions of grandeur and missed place self-importance thinking. How can she compare adoption with refugees and nations of people that have been displaced? Adoptees are NOT a race or a nation.

Here’s another example of how she misrepresents her self-importance. She says…‘She presented a paper entitled “Adoptees and Children of Reproductive Technologies” to The President’s Council on Bioethics, Washington, D.C. (2004).’

Well not really! I researched that and found the truth of the matter. She gave a statement at a public comment session and NOTHING was done about her ‘comments’. I wrote about it; see this link…

https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/to-make-herself-look-like-an-important-activist-joan-wheeler-misrepresents-issues-to-the-bioethics-council/

Other forms of changes and descriptions occur from one edition to the next such as…

From page 645 of the first libelous edition of 2009, where she lists her ‘jobs’ to what she has in the new edition; many are gone or altered. In the first book she listed elder care (that would be her being primary care-giver for her adopted mother and an occasional ‘volunteer’ to help with birth father) until he ‘kicked’ her out after being abused by her.

Youth program development (that would be that position of ‘driver’ she had for a season). I know! She had a short time job ‘driving’ juveniles to and from their appointments. She was a driver and had NOTHING to do with ‘program development’.

She used her contacts there, at that social-services office, to report abuse on me because I was in the process of adoption which she did not want me to do. When I told her to butt out, she didn’t. I refused her contact with my minor children. She then went behind my back telling my children they did NOT have to listen to me. She ‘deemed’ that I and husband were ABUSING my children and we needed to be punished so she called that second abuse report on me. I was exonerated! I still have the court documents that proved that I never abused my children!

What she writes in those books and elsewhere about me and my family are TOTALLY WRONG. It is strictly from her diseased mind that she fabricates ‘what happened’. She violated the sacred bonds between parent and child, because she has a sick understanding of that bond. What Joan did to MY CHILDREN is nothing short of KIN-KILLING, of reputation and privies of CHILDREN who had NOTHING to do with Joan’s life or adoption! I shall never forget nor forgive what Joan M Wheeler did to me and family!

homeless services, crisis counseling, and suicide prevention

She VOLUNTEERED on a ‘crisis hot-line’. Certainly such volunteering would give a person some ‘insights’ but it is NOT the same as saying she had A JOB in that field. I volunteer for Hospice, had training, have continuing training, but that does NOT make me a fully knowledgeable person in the field of HOSPICE care.

‘hospital social worker with head trauma patients’  That type of position would require specialized medical training.

Joan has NEVER WORK as a social worker. If she did she would list the employer. I worked for the VA in Buffalo NY and DOD in Fort Drum NY; I can prove my employment, Joan can NOT, that is why she does NOT list the employers.

She is disabled and been living on NY State Disability for many years.

I would REQUEST that she provide ‘where’ she received the additional training to work in a hospital with head trauma patients (a social worker degree would NOT be sufficient). Joan is very good at ‘resume padding’. In the real world she would be called on these ‘bare-bones’ jobs and experiences she claims.

In the 2009 publication of her first libelous book, she called herself an adoption activist and reformer. Now, in this 2015 self-published libelous book, she is an ABOLITIONIST. The only thing that is acceptable to her is the total elimination of adoption from the planet

There is always NOW going to be a difficulty in knowing for a ‘fact’ where and what Joan has said, in the Kindle editions. I do mean plural here, for she has already UPDATED the e-book, including removing 4 chapters and footnotes. Part of this ‘boiler plate’ nonsense is from (location 8237 to 8256) of the Kindle version. But now it is on location 6956.

On page 645 from the first libelous edition of 2009, pulled from publication via the publisher Trafford Publishers in 2011 has a ‘about the author’. This first book was entitled: Forbidden Family; A half orphan’s account of her adoption, reunion and social activism. With a Foreword by Prof. Dr. Rene Hoksbergen.

This book is ‘out of print’ and ‘unavailable’, since May 2011, because the publisher will NOT reproduce it, as they determined that Joan VIOLATED their contract. You can find details of the book, reviews and comments, via Amazon. Here is the link:

Forbidden Family    Nov 23, 2009  by Joan M. Wheeler Currently unavailable

The kindle version has a completely different title and her name, as author now is, Joan Mary Wheeler. She removed her ‘birth’ name, from the front cover and the ‘family’ picture on the back cover, due to our, the birth family’s objections (via our blogs). BUT, within the pages of this new version, Joan gives full disclosure of our family names and heritages, places of residences and photos as well as where to ‘find’ and ‘view’ the family photo!

By doing these things, she expects people NOT to know of and/or find her previous libelous book. But rest assured, just google the title or go to that Amazon link and you will find it.

A very important note, of interest here, is to be mindful that many changes from the first book to this new revised book are what Joan found on her sisters’ (Gert, Ruth and Kathy) blogs and other comments, on many news sites/articles where we have spoken out about her. We know this because Joan, and her gang of thugs (angry adoptees who hate adoption and believe in Joan’s lies about us), have read our blogs since the beginning. We have noted her errors and given the correct information, over and over again.

There are whole BLOCKS of rewritten aspects of her ‘true’ story, from one book to the other, and in many places where rewrites are slanted to ‘prove’ her position against what the family has said about the first book. This proves, to those of us that KNOW the truth, that Joan is still doing the same old, same old, bullshit con-artist games.

We have found ‘significant’ changes that Joan FOUND on our blogs and where she incorporated them. A small example would be Joan’s use of the word ZERO, when describing the LACK of social-services in 1956. It was, and is RUTH, who used the word ZERO, many times. Joan stole it; it is not her first choice of word, wasn’t in the first book but it is in her revision! We have seen this many times BEFORE the second book was published. Joan, in discussions, that we blogged about, would use ‘word for word’ what we said on our blogs! She has limited imagination and is a copier.

This observation have lead us (the birth sisters) to the assertion that what Joan writes is HER UNDERSTANDING and not necessarily the truth; she will not deviate much from her view point, that adoption is an evil, but she lies about everyone and everything and event. A Trafford Publishing House representative, that I spoke with, during their investigation of her book, said to me that he told Joan ‘to write a book your sisters would like’…well she didn’t because she can’t!

And finally here is what I placed on a discussion topic on Amazon

Discussion topic…. title  ‘about the author and biography’

Let us discuss what the author puts forth here, on Amazon, in two places, one is called ‘biography’, the other is called ‘about the author’ (under editorial reviews).

‘adoptee and author fighting for the freedom’ …WOW I’m impressed! She’s a freedom fighter! Not! She doesn’t fight for anyone’s freedom! She fights to rid the world of adoption! A person cannot claim to fight for freedom, of one group, while oppressing other groups.

‘She is a displaced and resettled person by adoption’…WOW! I even more impressed! Where does she get her ‘play book’ from? Displaced and resettled?! Double WOW! I’ve seen this elsewhere, oh yes, in those last chapters of this ‘revised’ book that she deleted, where she demands RESTITUTION from the government, for being an adoptee! And it is on page 566, of the first ‘true account’; ‘I demand restitution for my life as a person duped by adoption’. Guess where she got the title of this new and improved book?

Regardless of what the author says, adoptees are NOT considered to be a race or nation that have been displaced and resettled, nor are they entitled to restitution. As long as the institution of adoption exists there cannot be any restitution!

‘half-orphaned at age three months when her mother died’ … using the author’s definition the other four children became half-orphaned, as well, when their mother died! She is NOT the only one who ever was a ‘half-orphan’, only difference is she was placed into adoption, that doesn’t make her unique. Here we see that change in her age. In the ‘what’s in the book’ section, (on the very same page on Amazon), the author states she was ‘age four months’, here is was three months. Not being consistent with even one thing can lead people to doubt the author.

‘an adoptees’ rights activist and adoption abolitionist promoting family preservation, kinship care, then guardianship over adoption’

The author gives no suggestions as to how to handle the millions of children, for numerous reasons, that are unable to take advantage of ‘family preservation, kinship care, then guardianship’. This abolitionist position is not only unattainable, it is Utopian; in the worlds of human there is never any Utopian society.

“A revised version, “The Secret is Out,” was published in Adoption and Fostering: Journal of the British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering (1990), and a Dutch translation was included in the book Kind van Andere Ouders (Child of Other Parents), The Netherlands (1991)” 

This ‘revised version’ contained real names of family members. It was cited on Page 634 footnote #15 in yet another ‘revised version’, her first ‘book’, ‘Forbidden Family; A half orphan’s account of her adoption, reunion and social activism’.

It is very interesting that this first book is NOT mention, here, or inside the pages of this current ‘revised version’. There is a very real valid reason for that. The book can be found on Amazon including book cover, and comments, here is the listing;

Forbidden Family    Nov 23, 2009  by Joan M. Wheeler Currently unavailable

Joan worked as a hospital social worker with head trauma patients, homeless services, crisis counseling, and suicide prevention.

This looks like ‘resume padding’. In the real world she would be called on these ‘bare-bones’ jobs, experiences and be asked to provide references. The Facebook page, for this book, says the author has been self-employed since 1975. Does that mean these jobs were not jobs at all? There’s that lack of consistency again.

She received a Bachelor of Arts from Mercyhurst College in Erie, Pennsylvania (1978) and a Bachelor of Science in Social Work from State University of New York College at Buffalo, graduating Cum Laude (1999). She resides in Buffalo, New York, USA.

The author’s education was paid for by the adoptive parents. She and her children lived with her adopted mother most of the author’s life who still lives in the ‘inherited’ house. She does not live in Buffalo NY. Having a ‘degree’ in something is NOT the same as having a job in that field.

Inside this book it states. ‘2nd Edition Portions previously copyrighted and published 1981, 1990, 2009’ and ‘Published by Identity Press, Buffalo NY’

Identity Press is owned and operated by the author, therefore this book is self-published. The 1990 version had the real names of family members in it. The 2009 version was pulled from publication by the publisher, Trafford Publications in 2011.

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