Why is it that Joan M Wheeler, duped by adoption, is not on, or recognized by, mainstream adoptee written books? Because she’s a bottom feeder!

And she is full of hate, angry, bitterness and more! No one likes that! Joan tells her stories, over and over again, anywhere she can. But here let’s see her on Yahoo!

I saw a news story that Joan commented on about August 31, 2015. I got curious so I took a look around. I had forgotten that Joan’s name on Yahoo is ‘adopteefedup’. Yep she’s fed-up and she’s going to let the world know it!  I present here three different news stories, in which I also commented briefly. Even though the first one is about a year ago, it still is very enlightening, as is the second and third, which are more recent. Take note of how Joan doesn’t ‘register’ the negative vibes she is putting out, or the comments that are said to her and how she insults those that comment to her. She just is blind to all except her own sense of outrage, anger, hate and wants everyone to know it.

Writing her life, in two books, now, just isn’t enough for her. She has to tell everyone everywhere, as she continues to rewrite her latest bullshit book! I don’t have to give any commentary…Joan’s words, the words of others, and her responses TELL IT ALL.

Story number one… (after the first mention of the date I will delete it)



adopteefedup 1 year ago

Adoption’s purpose was to protect the child’s rights to a family in a financially secure environment. ADULTS do not need to be adopted. FORMALLY putting on paper what is in your heart – about the people who raised you – should not mean sealing one’s real birth certificate and replacing it with a piece of paper that fictionally replaces one set of parents with another. This is magical thinking at its best.

How about this: I want my REAL mother and father to be certified as my parents by my government on my REAL birth certificate. But the government took away their rights to be named as my parents because I was adopted one year after my birth. My REAL mother died of cancer three months after my birth. She did not know she would be removed from my life in such a cold and formal way. Respect for the dead? Not for my mother. Another woman is named on my new, amended – falsified – birth certificate, indicating that SHE gave birth to me at the hospital and date and time that my actual birth took place.

There is no feel-good story for me on Christmas about getting what is in my heart. I lost my mother to her early death when I was three months old. The birth certificate with her name on it is sealed by my government for all eternity. I can never have it. My legal birth certificate is a lie.

And, this man here in this article, he will suffer the loss of his rights to his actual birth certificate. He will then be issued a document that in no way represents the truth of his birth.

To rectify this, I, and millions of adoptees in America, want our sealed birth certificates released to us, without restriction, without deletions, and with state certification. And, we want the end to the production of false birth certificates. Adoption certificates will tell the truth. Both documents need to be open to the adoptee. And, we need to stop this stupid idea of adult adoption: utter nonsense.

Commenter 1 year ago  This bitterness that you carry will never do you any good.


VJAG: this is not bitterness. You do not have 40 years of experience in adoption reform as I do. You do not know the laws in every state as I do. You do not have a social work degree, as I do. You are not adopted, as I am. You do not have two birth certificates, as I do. You have not had your actual birth certificate stolen from you by your state’s government, as was done to me and 7 to 10 million adoptees. You do not have a falsified birth certificate, as I do, because when a child is adopted (or in this case in this article) a new, amended, falsified birth certificate is made by the government to cover up illegitimacy and to protect adoptive parents from interference by the natural parents. I am not alone in the world-wide adoptee uprising to lobby our governments, write letters to legislators, organize public demonstrations like The Adoptee Rights Demonstartion held annually outside the convention of national legislators. When you have gathered yourself together, fought off descrimination as long as I have, VJAG, then you can throw out accusations of bitterness. THIS IS FACT: EVERY SINGLE ADOPTEE IN USA HAS A FALSE BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND THE ORIGINAL IS LOCKED UP, SEALED, AND CAN NEVER BE OPENED AGAIN. This has nothing to do with love or the lack of love. This is a civil rights issue. The fact that other adoptees are not on here commenting is that this story hit on Christmas when most people are busy with families. I did my day with relatives and took time to point out the facts on yet another “Slap Happy Feel-Good Adoption Story”. I’ve been at this for 40 years, VJAG. I suggest you go back into your cave and get an education. People like you hold back progress by slinging anti-adoptee accusations around. Your statement to me is prejudice that I, and my fellow activists, have felt since the reform movement began in 1953. Merry Christmas.

Jennifer *I* am adopted (at age 5 no less and well aware of the proceedings in my memory since I wasn’t an infant like yourself) – 35 years ago give or take so I’m qualified to speak on this from personal experience.

You drip and seeth bitterness in every word you type here. Let it go. Claimed false or not – what will it do for you to have your original birth certificate? Why do you allow something as insignificant as what is written on a piece of paper fuel such negative emotions? Whether you agree with how the process works or not – you do not speak for all adoptees. You do not speak for me.

I know what is printed on my first-issued birth certificate (notice I don’t call it my “real” birth certificate) and I have my second-issued certificate. I see it as nothing more than a form I have to show on occassion to process paperwork just like my SS card. I have had nothing “stolen” from me and I wouldn’t change a thing about my childhood or my life.

My sister-in-law, like the gentleman in this article, is an adult adoptee also – adopted by her foster parents by her request when she was 24 years old and had been married to my brother for six years already. Pretty sure she wouldn’t agree with your point of view either. As an adoptee, I am not a victim – don’t drag us all down into your private pit of despair and hate. This is a big world filled with love; spread it around.

Commenter Well said, Jennifer, well said. Thank you.

Gert adopteefedup is bitter, she’s one with her pain!


Story number two (after the first mention of the date I will delete it)


adopteefedup 7 months ago

To BirdsOfAFeather – Adoption does not cure infertility. Adoption covers up the underlying infertility issues. Taking someone else’s child as your own is a denial of the facts. However, legal guardianship provides a home for a child in need while keeping that child’s birth certificate and identity and connections to family of birth intact.


I can only hope that friends and family will help this father keep his babies. This is a tremendous loss. He will need help to take care of these four infants as they grow. Please, please please – no one tell this father that he can’t take care of his children! My screen name is there for a reason – I was the 5th child born to married parents. I was born at 32 weeks gestation. Our mother died three months later. Losing Mom was bad enough, but then a Catholic priest told Dad that “the baby needs two parents.” So Dad gave me up for adoption. I was raised an only child. Lost my entire family. That cannot happen to this father and these babies. Please, don’t let that happen.

Commenter Were your adoptive parents good to you? Why are you so bitter to them?

Commenter That is sad, but did you love your adoptive family? Were they kind to you, and did they love you back? They count, too! It is not their fault that your dad was pressured into this mistake.

Commenter Why didn’t your dad just remarry? I know a couple guys that were remarried within a few months after being widowed…. Nothing wrong with that. Life goes on for the living…

Commenter I agree adopteefedup. Also ive seen teens who are manipulated into giving their babies up by adoption agencys who make a ton of money off them. I have also heard that in the 60’s church leaders use to force teens to give up their newborn. Teens had no choice and yet teens gave birth to most of the children throughout history.

Commenter @Oliver. You are correct that in the 60’s church leaders did in fact force unwed mothers to give up there newborns.

Commenter and those priests probably got paid for those babies

Commenter I don’t think ir was meant for women to have 4, 5, and 6 babies at once. Twins and once in awhile triplets. This thing has gone to far with the medical world.

Commenter My heart goes out to you and reading this story brings home the importantance of family… to Carol you would be very surprised what a priest would or would not say. When I was a teenager I was raped and impreginated by my rapist. regardless of how i concieved it was still my child unfortunately my daughter was born at 24 weeks and did not survive. My families priest stated that he would not see over the service for my daughter becuase of the “circumstances”… and that he told me to my face… not every priest or church has the families interest at heart… js…

Commenter Carol – You are in a dream world if you believe that. Priests and nuns are notorious for saying very twisted things, to suit their own agenda.

Rebecca – Maybe the father didn’t have anyone waiting for him to remarry. Maybe he wasn’t going to run out and just marry anyone. Ever think of that?


Nice slap in the face to the parents who adopted you.

Commenter Bless Your Heart!!!!!! You sound like an Amazing Person!!!! May God Bless YOU!!!! Sending you Much Heartfelt Love!!!!!!!! XOXO

Commenter I agree with you, adopteefedup. The birth families suffer the loss as well. Adoption trauma affects multiple generations. I lost my daughter to adoption during the Baby Scoop Era. I was angry for a long time afterwards. I won’t go into detail, but suffice to say back in the so-called “swinging” 60s and the lie about how free we all were in sex. Most of we “fallen” women were just from middle-income families that bowed to societal pressure or were just unwilling to help their daughters. As we say in adoptionland, “no option is not a choice”. Go easy on your adoptive parents. Forgiveness will set you free. You are not alone. If you are in contact with your real family (bio), then bless you. Maybe one day, my daughter will heal.

Commenter She has no reason to “go easy” on the people who adopted her. She should be THANKING them. They did nothing wrong. Unless (in her mind) they weren’t rich enough, or permissive enough, whatever enough. And she has some “perfect” image in her mind of how her life “would have been” with the family who gave her away. Then she needs to grow up and get over herself. And apologize to the people who WANTED her for being such an ungrateful self-centered brat.

adopteefedup part 1

Tessa: Thank you for your kind words. Thank you to those who understand the dark side of adoption. The negative remarks, however, are exactly what I’ve heard for the past 41 years.

To clarify: In 1974, I was found by 4 older siblings I was never supposed to know. I was 18 then and still in high school. I was raised an only child. There is little space here to tell what happened next. I was in deep emotional turmoil for most of my adult life, pushed and pulled by adopted relatives and natural blood relatives, everyone telling me what I should or should or should not do. I was traumatized by being found, traumatized by learning that the parents whom I loved dearly lied to me and willfully kept me from my full blood siblings. THAT is the point I made in my Original Post: that the father of these 4 infants should not lose not even one of his babies to adoption because THAT is the tragedy beyond the untimely death of his wife and mother of these 4 premature infants. So, while people are busy condemning me, perhaps you need to consider that I actually have put my entire adult life into defending infants and children who are at risk from permanent separation due to the finality of adoption.

adopteefedup part 2

I am no more grateful for being adopted than I am for being born. Had my mother lived, I would have been raised by my mother and father and enjoyed a life with the family I was born into. I was raised, however, in a loving home, fully believing that my parents were my parents. But the love I had for them and the love they had for me was conditional. As long as I did not know that I had 4 older full blood siblings in the same city, all was fine because my adoptive parents wanted me all to themselves. ALL of my extended adoptive family were in on the deception. When the truth was told to me at age 18, all hell broke loose. I was hated for accepting my natural family back into my life. And yes, my natural father tearfully told me that he listened to his Parrish priest who told him that “the baby needs two parents”. He did what he thought was best; I hold no ill feelings toward him. My father did remarry. He kept the older kids but the newborn needed a full time caregiver.


I’m sorry, Brenda Marshall, for what you lived through being raped, then the priest would not hold services for your baby. How cruel. It is a man’s world. There is little respect for women and mothers or the children of single mothers.

InnocenceFaded: You are ignorant of the facts of my life. Unless you know what really happened inside my adoptive home, you have no business condemning me. Your statement that my adoptive parents “did nothing wrong” – how do you know? They were not innocent! My adoptive parents knew the truth and deliberately lied to me. Everyone in my adoptive family knew the truth but me: well over 300 relatives conspired against me to keep my natural family from me. Harassment continued well after my mother’s death in 2011, after which I changed my phone number. There are but a few adoptive cousins and a few natural blood relatives I am close to now.


InnocenceFaded: You said: “Unless (in her mind) they weren’t rich enough, or permissive enough, whatever enough. And she has some “perfect” image in her mind of how her life “would have been” with the family who gave her away. Then she needs to grow up and get over herself. And apologize to the people who WANTED her for being such an ungrateful self-centered brat.”

Well, well, well, you sure do know how to insult an adopted person. I’m a self-centered brat? You know me personally, do you? You know adoption psychology, sociology, social work, policy and law, do you? How many years have you been researching adoption? Zero I bet. I know more about all of this than you do. I wrote my Original Post in a sincere effort to keep this family together and you blast me for your opinions that I have “some “perfect” image in my mind… I deal in reality, not fantasy. And my natural family had plenty of problems. They are far from perfect. No family is perfect. I simply made the point that I do not want these infants to lose more than their mother, as I did.

Commenter Same thing happened in my family 50 years ago. My family was Protestant. My aunt eloped right after high school with a Catholic man. She died in childbirth with her 6th child. Our family wanted to adopt the children but the Church refused. Instead, they split up the kids and adopted them out to Catholic families. I never saw them again. I often wonder if the kids have managed to find each other by now. So sad.


Janet, yes that is very sad. To others, they see adoption as the main goal. To the children who are siblings, adoption destroys their family so that a new one can be built. Or, in the case you describe, 6 new adoptive families were “built”. Adoption workers see this as “family building”. While the victims of adoption – the children and their helpless father – see their family destroyed by adoption. It is very sad that certain fathers are seen as unfit to raise their children.

Today, it is a little different. Most adoption agencies will not split up sibling groups as they did 50 years ago. My sibling group was split up 59 years ago. Yes, my father made the decision. But he did so after his Parrish priest suggested the idea. Instead of sending Catholic Charities to help take care of all five children, the mindset was to give the infant to two strangers who were declared parents by legal decree.

It fascinates me to read condemning comments from people who assume I am disloyal to my adoptive parents, that I didn’t love them, or that others tell me what I “should” do, or that I am too young to know what’s “best”. I was born in 1956, adopted in 1957. I am a former crisis social worker, which means I have social work and psychology back ground. I have studied adoption for 41 years. The shift now is on keeping sibling groups together. And with donations after this media news story, I’m sure this father will have enough money to hire child care workers so that he can keep his family together.

Commenter Catholic priests have screwed up more people and look at them with their high morals – not

Commenter Adoptee – I have known many people who were adopted, and NONE have shown the bitter, vile attitude towards their adoptive parents that you show.

“well over 300 relatives conspired against me to keep my natural family from me” Really? Sounds like you have some severe mental issues, that have nothing to do with adoption. (Not to mention, I don’t know anyone with over 300 relatives. You’re saying they got your uncle’s brother-in-law’s cousin’s mother in on it too?)

Did you ever think maybe your adoptive parents didn’t tell you out of SINCERE love? Maybe they didn’t want you to feel “different”? No. You just have bitter feelings towards them, and can’t possibly think it was anything other than some “conspiracy” against you. They are much better off without you, if they are still alive. (Just wondering. If they have died, and left any type of property/estate, did you donate all the assets to charity? Since you want nothing to do with them. Or did you grab the money?)

By the way. In one post, you said you were raised in a loving home. In another, you claim your adoptive parents were “abusive”. Which is it?

Commenter I forgot to ask – how did the “over 300 relatives” pull off the “conspiracy”? Did they fly on from all over, and book a meeting hall to plan it all out? And did you ever think that maybe others (aunts, uncles, etc) didn’t tell you because they knew it wasn’t their place to?

My cousin married a woman who had a six month old baby when they met. After marriage, he adopted that baby. She has always known him as her daddy. (Her own father signed his rights away. He said he had no interest in being a father.) I have no idea if they have told her the truth yet, or when they plan to tell her. But I do know that it is in no way my place to go and blurt it out to her.

Gert  august 31  adopteefedup is looking for sympathy…what she says is not the whole truth, the church had nothing to do with father’s decision to give her up into adoption, after his wife and our mother died he proposed a marriage to another woman, there were 7 children to think about, this second wife REFUSED to take the infant (adopteefedup) and father felt ‘out of sight out of mind’ and placed her with a couple that wanted a child…it was a private adoption where both families knew each other and that’s how we found her…worst mistake of our lives…she hates adoption and browbeats anyone who adopts, including me when I and husband adopted my son, that’s why I banned her in my life. she is a bitter angry person beware


Story number 3 August 26, 2015


adopteefedup 11 days ago

This has nothing to do with being gay or lesbian, this is about adoption and an adoptee’s desire to re-connect with her natural mother and the natural mother’s desire to connect with her natural-born daughter. It also has to do with Rosie’s parenting style.

Gert 9 days ago  funny how when adopteefedup did reconnect with her birth family all she did was cause troubles, so much so that everyone in the family kicked her out! one who lives in glass houses should not throw stones…adopteefedup’s parenting skills are nothing to brag about…oh she knew more about what was good for my kids when I chose to adopt…



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