She cannot separate herself from the birth family, so by extension, my life, my children’s lives and all of my family’s lives, are bound up, unfortunately, with Joan’s inner life, her fantasies and dramas, as well as, how and what she writes about us. To my mind, that gives me all the ‘rights’ I need to answer anything that she says about me and my family! Don’t like that; too bad!
The following is on the ‘about page’ of her Facebook page for Forbidden Family, now renamed Duped by Adoption
under THE LONG DESCRIPTION
Joan’s words are (J) and my comments are (Gert’s comment)
(J)…Born the youngest of five children to married parents in 1956, four month old Doris Michol Sippel is relinquished to pre-adoptive parents by her father following her mother’s death. She becomes Joan Mary Wheeler through a private (non-agency) closed adoption.
Gert’s comment…This is correct. But what is missing is WHY. Our father knew his wife, and the mother of all five of us siblings was dying in January 1956, a couple of weeks after Doris was born. His solution was to have a marriage, to another woman, of convenience to both partners. She had 2 children, he had 5 children. But, she would NOT take the infant. So the next solution was to place the infant into adoption. Yes, our father sought advice from his priest, as many of us do. He was NOT pressured in any matter by the priest/church. Yes, members of his wife’s family knew someone who wanted a child to adopt. Yes, a ‘private (non-agency) closed adoption’ occurred. This was his decision at that time. There was NO way that our father would have allowed any form of ‘guardianship’ of his child within the extended family, period. He always said, ‘if I can’t raise her, no one in the family will’.
Contrary to what Joan maintains, NO ONE approached him at his wife’s funeral. Simply because there was not, at that moment, a decision made about the ‘next’ marriage, or anything else. It was AFTER the first wife’s burial, when the decision was finally made and arrangements were made to transfer the infant, from maternal care-givers to the potential adoptive parents. He always said, to me, – ‘it had to be and was done quickly, out of sight out of mind’. Unfortunately he did not realize that I, the oldest, would remember that infant. Then our father remarried in June 1956, three months after the death of the first wife. Just prior to that there were arrangements to get all remaining six children to move in with my father and his second wife. We, four birth siblings, were living with grandparents. One of the two children of second wife remained with his grandmother.
(J)…Joan grows up an only child in a modest suburban home with loving parents, private schools, and a large extended family. In her senior year of high school, Joan answers a phone call that changes her perception of family: she is found by siblings she was never supposed to know. Shocked, Joan realizes that her parents knew the secret yet deliberately lied to her.
Gert’s comment… The ‘secret’ is that, unfortunately for those two people who adopted Joan, they, and others, KNEW the birth family. That’s what happens in ‘a private (non-agency) closed adoption’; the families know each other. Now, decades and two libelous books later, I can state that no such adoption ought to occur; it causes too much pain. Beyond that it has been my opinion, as well as others, that once Joan ‘learned’ of this secret, she used it against the adoptive parents, particularly the mother. It is my opinion that Joan was abused in the adoptive family. Joan herself documents many episodes in her writings and books. Once Joan knew about this ‘secret’ she used it as a hammer to hit them over the head, year after year, up to and including the death bed! Joan is so easily ‘shocked’ by the actions and words of others, but is never aware of her own words and deeds. Joan is always the victim, never the aggressor.
(J)…Joan’s life becomes a mix of anxiety, confusion, joy, grief and anger. She juggles two sets of real parents and families while attending college. She joins adoptees’ support groups and begins writing about adoptees’ rights in local newspapers at age 19, despite disapproval of many members of her two families. Criticism turns to mocking, false accusations, hate mail and phone calls, and death threats as Joan tries to make sense of her life. Terrorized for decades, Joan is driven to the brink of suicide. She climbs out, only to be dragged down repeatedly by abusive relatives from both families who invade her life. When her marriage deteriorates, she leaves her husband and lives in poverty with their two children. She earns a second college degree, begins a career path then succumbs to stress-induced illnesses.
Gert’s comment…Beyond the fact that she likes to rewrite and rewrite her story she loves to dramatize it with tons of adjectives, that’s a narcissistic trait (it’s all about her)! Perhaps if she kept her nose out of other’s people’s business and lives she wouldn’t have had so many ‘issues’!
After her betrayal to me, in 1981, when she violated my parental rights with my children, when I chose to adopt, I banished her from my life. I wrote one letter to her adoptive mother informing her of Joan’s behaviors. I next saw her briefly (only hours) in 1992. Within a day, of that visit, she caused more trouble within the family via her lies about me; my religion was bad for my ‘mental health’. In 1998, I wrote her one letter in response to a letter she wrote to me; I told her to get lost. I had one phone conversation in 2005, an attempt to end hostilities; she used that against me in the book she published in 2009! That is 5 (five) contacts with her in decades, hardly terrorizing her. It was only AFTER she published the hate/libelous book in 2009 and now again in 2015 that I have ‘looked’ for her and answered her lies and hate. Again, not terrorizing her, but countering her lies about me and mine!
Every member of the birth family have similar stories of Joan’s betrayals and bad behaviors towards them, but to hear Joan tell it we are all monsters going after her. The birth family members are the victims of Joan’s negative behaviors and viewpoints that she learned from the adoptive family. Any actions taken by the birth family against Joan were attempts to get her to stop interfering and violating our individual and collective rights and properties. Joan lumps the two families together because she is in ‘great’ need to feel and portray herself as the victim of a collective conspiracy against her, personally. She feels that the institution of adoption is wrong and therefore she has the right (?) to tell others how wrong they are. And because the birth family ‘gave her up’ and the adoptive family ‘adopted’ her…we are monsters that have caused havoc in Joan’s life! What bullshit!
Because of her own mental instabilities, real or imagined, she has the suicidal thoughts. Certainly the birth family had no part in her ‘thoughts’. All we ever wanted was to (1) find her, which we did, and then when she became a monster we wanted (2) for her to stop hurting us!
Her depressions, anxieties and such are NOT a result of any actions of the birth family but in Joan’s own mind. There is a strong possibility that Joan is a product of both, a bad genetic seed and bad parental upbringing. No one in the birth family acts like Joan. No one in the birth family abused or invaded her life. It was Joan who did the abuse to and invading each and every birth family member’s personal lives and boundaries.
Joan’s marriage ended because of her behaviors or lack of proper behaviors. She was in poverty because SHE refused to get a job. After several moves with ‘boyfriends’, she moved back in with her adoptive mother, who also PAID for that second college degree! Joan still lives in that home and is on NY State Disability due to her own mental illnesses. Joan has kept talking about the ‘jobs’ she had as a social worker, after she got that degree, but she NEVER had one job as a social worker! I hope that Disability knows of her INCOME from her self-employment!
It is only recently, since she started this ‘new’ business, Identity Press, and published this new book against family, has she stated that she’s been SELF-EMPLOYED since 1975! What a liar! No, Joan never had a ‘career path’; she’s been a life-long slug living off the adoptive mother, a husband and the state of New York. Her ‘stress induced illnesses’ are the direct results of her own constant interfering and violating the rights of others. Joan spends all her time on the Internet browbeating people who adopt. Her mission is to eliminate adoption from the globe! She’s a bottom feeder!
(J)…Through it all, one central question drives her: Why does discrimination against bastards, orphans, and the adopted exist?
Gert’s comment… I guess it is ‘discrimination’ if one thinks it is. There are millions of adoptees in the world and they all do NOT feel discrimination. As with anything, it is in ‘the eyes of the beholder’ as to what they believe, see, and feel. Joan M Wheeler does NOT speak for all adoptees.
(J)…Joan asserts, “We, The People, can and must end discrimination against adoptees by insisting on Federal legislation to override State laws to restore adoptees’ civil and human rights to the non-restricted and non-redacted certified truth of our births (a right we had prior to 1930 nationwide, and prior to 1936 in New York), and to end the 85-year-long practice of creating amended – falsified – birth certificates for each new adoptee in America.”
Gert’s comment… Oh brother!! Talk about delusional thinking! “We, The People” Since when does Joan command such authority? She doesn’t speak for all ‘the people’. In this latest ‘new’ version, of grossly libelous contents, Joan MISSPEAKS about an adoptee organization, New York State Adoptee Equality. That organization pointedly said that Joan does not speak for that organization and her statement, published in her e-book, is false!
Their own statement of themselves can be seen here…
“We are a group run by Adoptees. We work for reform on adoption laws that keep us from equal access under the law. We are grassroots by & for Adoptees with no political affiliations., also administered by committees, not by administrators.”
But Joan published this
Kindle location 8019 quote ‘In June of 2014, a group of angry, disgruntled misfit adoptees banded together to form their own activist organization after the NY Legislature slapped a chokehold on the existing Adoptees’ Bill of Rights two days before the bill came up for a vote. In what should have been a vote to give adoptees permission to receive uncertified copies of their sealed birth certificate, NY adoptees roes (rose?) up, called their legislators to kill the bill. The bill was indeed killed, resulting in yet another year of wasted effort by adoptee activists. Better this than to have a law that would give a small group of hysterical birthmothers, judges, and adoption agencies their way, to claim that ‘birth’ parents have the right to remain anonymous and to redact their names from the released birth certificate and to prevent adoptees from contacting them. The new adoptee lobby group, NY state Adoptee Equality, can be found on facebook and twitter at @NYAdoptEquality.’
When I ‘exposed’ that statement, on a news article, is what prompted Joan to announce her new book; she saw that I ‘knew’. Then a month later she REMOVED 4 chapters! So this statement is no longer in her book! I can only guess that she must have gotten lots of flack over that statement.
Joan M Wheeler is only ONE adoptee who does NOT speak for them all. If she thinks that this new version of the same lies is going to make her a great and wonderful wizard who eliminates adoption from the globe…well I hope there’s a padded cell somewhere for her.
There is more but I shall incorporate that in another post about her ‘bio’ on Amazon.