Review #7 of Joan M Wheeler’s revised edition of her garbage book, ‘my life as an adoptee, duped by adoption’, says the book describes the pain of being a ‘victim’ of adoption! #7 M.Euler

Some people just love to wear their badge of victim-hood! They want attention!

So here is the latest ‘recommendation’ of this garbage and my comment to it, link is provided.

Why is it that those that ‘support’ this author’s exposing and exploiting members of TWO families think NOTHING of the damage that is being done by that? Because they can only see their own suffering! In Joan’s case, she wrote these 2 books for REVENGE, to get even with everyone who ever hurt her! Like my children?? What did they do to the author?

As with other reviewers, that see Joan’s ‘pain’, this reviewer does NOT give us any references from the book itself! A review ought to contain quotes to support a position. Blanket statements don’t offer anyone a ‘real’ reason to get ‘inside’ the book. Where are quotes from the book that offer ‘real’ advice for adoptees? Where are the quotes that show us what the author has DONE for the betterment of adoption? The reviewers are NOT providing that service…perhaps because there are NONE in the book.

Review number seven;
Joan Wheeler’s memoir describes the pain of having been a …, October 14, 2015  By M.Euler

Joan Wheeler’s memoir describes the pain of having been a “victim” of a closed adoption. She highlights an experience that shaped the lives of many adoptees as they were funneled into the adoption system that was in place during that period of time in our society when it was common for all records to be sealed and those involved sworn to secrecy.

Being “found” by her birth family introduced Joan to a very emotional period. She experienced many ups and downs unable to come to terms with the secrecy and dishonesty that played into all her familial relationships.

Joan’s need to understand the rules she’d been living under provided the impetus for her to speak out against the system and write about her experience. She became active in the American Adoptees Congress finding encouragement and support from other adoptees and a community of professionals where her experiences were understood and validated.

Today she continues to speak out and write where she can make a difference and to ensure the future of open adoptions.

http://www.amazon.com/review/R2587GQMHG0U8V/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B00X520CGW

>>>

And now my comment;

Your initial post: Oct 14, 2015 11:42:46 AM PDT

a purchaser says:

  1. Euler starts their review with… `memoir describes the pain of having been a “victim” of a closed adoption’To my mind the author’s wearing her badge of victim-hood is so tacky! Really now, there’s far more real victims out there in the world than one individual’s self-pity over being adopted. If the world of `closed adoption’ is such a horrible injustice than by all means get the issue to the law-makers of the country instead of writing a `tell-all-I-hate-you-all’ kind of book. If there is a need to change the way adoptions are done in this country, exposing and exploiting the adoptive and birth family members, as is done in this book, just isn’t the way to go about it! Would this reviewer want their family exposed like this? Would you?

    I’ll give the author credit for being a good `dramatic’ writer, but she’s gone overboard on the rage and hate. So I have to ask…how does all that dramatic writing make adoption any better? Or fix it? How does anyone know that the tales that the author writes about are truthful? From things I’ve read and seen, there’s certainly more to the stories than are in this crappy book. How do things like what is in Chapter 7 `Her Reaction’, where the author details her hatred of the adoptive mother, going to fix adoption? How does what she said, at the end of Chapter 8 `The Secret is Out’… `Damn my parents! Damn my father! Damn my adoption!’… how is that outburst going to fix adoption?

    Will adoption be `fixed’ because the author exposed two families, their names, addresses, pictures, personal documents and writes `dramatic’ chapters that have been disputed by others? What possible good is there, to any form of adoption, closed or open, by this author’s rampage against members of her birth family, including young children, who had nothing to do with her adoption? Or to the adoptive parents, who raised her, and then her children, paid for her 2 college degrees and put a roof over her head, to this very day?

    From what I have read, the author `takes’ it upon herself, to judge whether others were or are living by her standards. How does that `fix’ adoption? The author details her `rages’ against teachers and students in her social work classes, because they `would not see adoption as she does…how does that `fix’ adoption?

    The reviewer says … `Joan’s need to understand the rules she’d been living under provided the impetus for her to speak out against the system and write about her experience.’

    Seems to me that the only `impetus’ this author has is the `compelling’ need to tell her story.

    And the reviewer says… `speak out and write where she can make a difference’

    I have not seen any significant `writings of this author that would make any difference. All I’ve seen is more hate and anger directed at anyone who is pro-adoption or who adopts. Reality is that people will always ADOPT, having a life-long tizzy fit over it does NOTHING to fix adoption.

    And finally the reviewer says… `ensure the future of open adoptions.’

    Open adoptions have their limitations and faults. Guardianship within a family is not a guarantee and in many cases unfeasible (as was the case with the author’s birth family). If this reviewer really UNDERSTOOD the author, and really read the book, the reviewer would know that the author is 100% anti-adoption! The author is an adoption abolitionist and has no desire to FIX ADOPTION. End of my comment

Here are the links to the previous reviews…

1)     https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/08/21/what-duped-by-adoption-joan-m-wheelers-friends-have-to-say-about-her-latest-piece-of-garbage-reviewer-number-one-1-of-3/

2)    https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/09/01/what-duped-by-adoption-joan-m-wheelers-friends-have-to-say-about-her-latest-piece-of-garbage-reviewer-number-two-2-of-3/

3)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/09/09/3-of-3-what-duped-by-adoption-joan-m-wheelers-friends-have-to-say-about-her-latest-piece-of-garbage-reviewer-number-three/

4)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/08/22/i-interrupt-my-sequence-of-3-reviews-and-my-comments-to-bring-you-this-newest-one-too-good-to-wait/

5)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/09/13/review-number-five-5-of-joan-m-wheelers-garbage-e-book-forbidden-family-my-life-as-an-adoptee-duped-by-adoption-and-my-initial-comment/

6)    https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/09/18/review-six-6-of-forbidden-family-my-life-as-an-adoptee-duped-by-adoption-by-joan-m-wheeler/

8)  https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/12/01/review-number-eight-8-of-my-life-as-an-adoptee-duped-by-adoption/

9)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2015/12/31/no-doubt-about-it-joan-m-wheelers-latest-revision-of-forbidden-family-duped-by-adoption-is-an-eye-opening-book-she-is-her-own-worst-enemy-and-she-doesnt-even-k/

10)  https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2016/01/03/review-10-of-joan-m-wheelers-garbage-book-people-do-see-behind-her-curtain/

11)   https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2016/01/04/review-11of-joan-m-wheelers-garbage-book-not-everyone-is-duped/

12) https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2016/01/26/review-12-or-is-it-11-of-joans-disgusting-book-duped-by-adoption/

13) https://gertmcqueen2.wordpress.com/2016/01/26/review-13-for-duped-by-adoption-adoption-a-view-from-the-other-side/

 

end

 

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Why is it that Joan M Wheeler, duped by adoption, is not on, or recognized by, mainstream adoptee written books? Because she’s a bottom feeder!

And she is full of hate, angry, bitterness and more! No one likes that! Joan tells her stories, over and over again, anywhere she can. But here let’s see her on Yahoo!

I saw a news story that Joan commented on about August 31, 2015. I got curious so I took a look around. I had forgotten that Joan’s name on Yahoo is ‘adopteefedup’. Yep she’s fed-up and she’s going to let the world know it!  I present here three different news stories, in which I also commented briefly. Even though the first one is about a year ago, it still is very enlightening, as is the second and third, which are more recent. Take note of how Joan doesn’t ‘register’ the negative vibes she is putting out, or the comments that are said to her and how she insults those that comment to her. She just is blind to all except her own sense of outrage, anger, hate and wants everyone to know it.

Writing her life, in two books, now, just isn’t enough for her. She has to tell everyone everywhere, as she continues to rewrite her latest bullshit book! I don’t have to give any commentary…Joan’s words, the words of others, and her responses TELL IT ALL.

Story number one… (after the first mention of the date I will delete it)

http://news.yahoo.com/marine-gets-adopted-christmas-eve-ceremony-165343501.html?bcmt=comments-postbox

 

adopteefedup 1 year ago

Adoption’s purpose was to protect the child’s rights to a family in a financially secure environment. ADULTS do not need to be adopted. FORMALLY putting on paper what is in your heart – about the people who raised you – should not mean sealing one’s real birth certificate and replacing it with a piece of paper that fictionally replaces one set of parents with another. This is magical thinking at its best.

How about this: I want my REAL mother and father to be certified as my parents by my government on my REAL birth certificate. But the government took away their rights to be named as my parents because I was adopted one year after my birth. My REAL mother died of cancer three months after my birth. She did not know she would be removed from my life in such a cold and formal way. Respect for the dead? Not for my mother. Another woman is named on my new, amended – falsified – birth certificate, indicating that SHE gave birth to me at the hospital and date and time that my actual birth took place.

There is no feel-good story for me on Christmas about getting what is in my heart. I lost my mother to her early death when I was three months old. The birth certificate with her name on it is sealed by my government for all eternity. I can never have it. My legal birth certificate is a lie.

And, this man here in this article, he will suffer the loss of his rights to his actual birth certificate. He will then be issued a document that in no way represents the truth of his birth.

To rectify this, I, and millions of adoptees in America, want our sealed birth certificates released to us, without restriction, without deletions, and with state certification. And, we want the end to the production of false birth certificates. Adoption certificates will tell the truth. Both documents need to be open to the adoptee. And, we need to stop this stupid idea of adult adoption: utter nonsense.

Commenter 1 year ago  This bitterness that you carry will never do you any good.

adopteefedup  

VJAG: this is not bitterness. You do not have 40 years of experience in adoption reform as I do. You do not know the laws in every state as I do. You do not have a social work degree, as I do. You are not adopted, as I am. You do not have two birth certificates, as I do. You have not had your actual birth certificate stolen from you by your state’s government, as was done to me and 7 to 10 million adoptees. You do not have a falsified birth certificate, as I do, because when a child is adopted (or in this case in this article) a new, amended, falsified birth certificate is made by the government to cover up illegitimacy and to protect adoptive parents from interference by the natural parents. I am not alone in the world-wide adoptee uprising to lobby our governments, write letters to legislators, organize public demonstrations like The Adoptee Rights Demonstartion held annually outside the convention of national legislators. When you have gathered yourself together, fought off descrimination as long as I have, VJAG, then you can throw out accusations of bitterness. THIS IS FACT: EVERY SINGLE ADOPTEE IN USA HAS A FALSE BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND THE ORIGINAL IS LOCKED UP, SEALED, AND CAN NEVER BE OPENED AGAIN. This has nothing to do with love or the lack of love. This is a civil rights issue. The fact that other adoptees are not on here commenting is that this story hit on Christmas when most people are busy with families. I did my day with relatives and took time to point out the facts on yet another “Slap Happy Feel-Good Adoption Story”. I’ve been at this for 40 years, VJAG. I suggest you go back into your cave and get an education. People like you hold back progress by slinging anti-adoptee accusations around. Your statement to me is prejudice that I, and my fellow activists, have felt since the reform movement began in 1953. Merry Christmas.

Jennifer *I* am adopted (at age 5 no less and well aware of the proceedings in my memory since I wasn’t an infant like yourself) – 35 years ago give or take so I’m qualified to speak on this from personal experience.

You drip and seeth bitterness in every word you type here. Let it go. Claimed false or not – what will it do for you to have your original birth certificate? Why do you allow something as insignificant as what is written on a piece of paper fuel such negative emotions? Whether you agree with how the process works or not – you do not speak for all adoptees. You do not speak for me.

I know what is printed on my first-issued birth certificate (notice I don’t call it my “real” birth certificate) and I have my second-issued certificate. I see it as nothing more than a form I have to show on occassion to process paperwork just like my SS card. I have had nothing “stolen” from me and I wouldn’t change a thing about my childhood or my life.

My sister-in-law, like the gentleman in this article, is an adult adoptee also – adopted by her foster parents by her request when she was 24 years old and had been married to my brother for six years already. Pretty sure she wouldn’t agree with your point of view either. As an adoptee, I am not a victim – don’t drag us all down into your private pit of despair and hate. This is a big world filled with love; spread it around.

Commenter Well said, Jennifer, well said. Thank you.

Gert adopteefedup is bitter, she’s one with her pain!

^^^^^

Story number two (after the first mention of the date I will delete it)

http://news.yahoo.com/phoenix-woman-dies-giving-birth-quadruplets-191103121.html?bcmt=comments-postbox

adopteefedup 7 months ago

To BirdsOfAFeather – Adoption does not cure infertility. Adoption covers up the underlying infertility issues. Taking someone else’s child as your own is a denial of the facts. However, legal guardianship provides a home for a child in need while keeping that child’s birth certificate and identity and connections to family of birth intact.

adopteefedup 

I can only hope that friends and family will help this father keep his babies. This is a tremendous loss. He will need help to take care of these four infants as they grow. Please, please please – no one tell this father that he can’t take care of his children! My screen name is there for a reason – I was the 5th child born to married parents. I was born at 32 weeks gestation. Our mother died three months later. Losing Mom was bad enough, but then a Catholic priest told Dad that “the baby needs two parents.” So Dad gave me up for adoption. I was raised an only child. Lost my entire family. That cannot happen to this father and these babies. Please, don’t let that happen.

Commenter Were your adoptive parents good to you? Why are you so bitter to them?

Commenter That is sad, but did you love your adoptive family? Were they kind to you, and did they love you back? They count, too! It is not their fault that your dad was pressured into this mistake.

Commenter Why didn’t your dad just remarry? I know a couple guys that were remarried within a few months after being widowed…. Nothing wrong with that. Life goes on for the living…

Commenter I agree adopteefedup. Also ive seen teens who are manipulated into giving their babies up by adoption agencys who make a ton of money off them. I have also heard that in the 60’s church leaders use to force teens to give up their newborn. Teens had no choice and yet teens gave birth to most of the children throughout history.

Commenter @Oliver. You are correct that in the 60’s church leaders did in fact force unwed mothers to give up there newborns.

Commenter and those priests probably got paid for those babies

Commenter I don’t think ir was meant for women to have 4, 5, and 6 babies at once. Twins and once in awhile triplets. This thing has gone to far with the medical world.

Commenter My heart goes out to you and reading this story brings home the importantance of family… to Carol you would be very surprised what a priest would or would not say. When I was a teenager I was raped and impreginated by my rapist. regardless of how i concieved it was still my child unfortunately my daughter was born at 24 weeks and did not survive. My families priest stated that he would not see over the service for my daughter becuase of the “circumstances”… and that he told me to my face… not every priest or church has the families interest at heart… js…

Commenter Carol – You are in a dream world if you believe that. Priests and nuns are notorious for saying very twisted things, to suit their own agenda.

Rebecca – Maybe the father didn’t have anyone waiting for him to remarry. Maybe he wasn’t going to run out and just marry anyone. Ever think of that?

Adopteefedup

Nice slap in the face to the parents who adopted you.

Commenter Bless Your Heart!!!!!! You sound like an Amazing Person!!!! May God Bless YOU!!!! Sending you Much Heartfelt Love!!!!!!!! XOXO

Commenter I agree with you, adopteefedup. The birth families suffer the loss as well. Adoption trauma affects multiple generations. I lost my daughter to adoption during the Baby Scoop Era. I was angry for a long time afterwards. I won’t go into detail, but suffice to say back in the so-called “swinging” 60s and the lie about how free we all were in sex. Most of we “fallen” women were just from middle-income families that bowed to societal pressure or were just unwilling to help their daughters. As we say in adoptionland, “no option is not a choice”. Go easy on your adoptive parents. Forgiveness will set you free. You are not alone. If you are in contact with your real family (bio), then bless you. Maybe one day, my daughter will heal.

Commenter She has no reason to “go easy” on the people who adopted her. She should be THANKING them. They did nothing wrong. Unless (in her mind) they weren’t rich enough, or permissive enough, whatever enough. And she has some “perfect” image in her mind of how her life “would have been” with the family who gave her away. Then she needs to grow up and get over herself. And apologize to the people who WANTED her for being such an ungrateful self-centered brat.

adopteefedup part 1

Tessa: Thank you for your kind words. Thank you to those who understand the dark side of adoption. The negative remarks, however, are exactly what I’ve heard for the past 41 years.

To clarify: In 1974, I was found by 4 older siblings I was never supposed to know. I was 18 then and still in high school. I was raised an only child. There is little space here to tell what happened next. I was in deep emotional turmoil for most of my adult life, pushed and pulled by adopted relatives and natural blood relatives, everyone telling me what I should or should or should not do. I was traumatized by being found, traumatized by learning that the parents whom I loved dearly lied to me and willfully kept me from my full blood siblings. THAT is the point I made in my Original Post: that the father of these 4 infants should not lose not even one of his babies to adoption because THAT is the tragedy beyond the untimely death of his wife and mother of these 4 premature infants. So, while people are busy condemning me, perhaps you need to consider that I actually have put my entire adult life into defending infants and children who are at risk from permanent separation due to the finality of adoption.

adopteefedup part 2

I am no more grateful for being adopted than I am for being born. Had my mother lived, I would have been raised by my mother and father and enjoyed a life with the family I was born into. I was raised, however, in a loving home, fully believing that my parents were my parents. But the love I had for them and the love they had for me was conditional. As long as I did not know that I had 4 older full blood siblings in the same city, all was fine because my adoptive parents wanted me all to themselves. ALL of my extended adoptive family were in on the deception. When the truth was told to me at age 18, all hell broke loose. I was hated for accepting my natural family back into my life. And yes, my natural father tearfully told me that he listened to his Parrish priest who told him that “the baby needs two parents”. He did what he thought was best; I hold no ill feelings toward him. My father did remarry. He kept the older kids but the newborn needed a full time caregiver.

adopteefedup 

I’m sorry, Brenda Marshall, for what you lived through being raped, then the priest would not hold services for your baby. How cruel. It is a man’s world. There is little respect for women and mothers or the children of single mothers.

InnocenceFaded: You are ignorant of the facts of my life. Unless you know what really happened inside my adoptive home, you have no business condemning me. Your statement that my adoptive parents “did nothing wrong” – how do you know? They were not innocent! My adoptive parents knew the truth and deliberately lied to me. Everyone in my adoptive family knew the truth but me: well over 300 relatives conspired against me to keep my natural family from me. Harassment continued well after my mother’s death in 2011, after which I changed my phone number. There are but a few adoptive cousins and a few natural blood relatives I am close to now.

adopteefedup 

InnocenceFaded: You said: “Unless (in her mind) they weren’t rich enough, or permissive enough, whatever enough. And she has some “perfect” image in her mind of how her life “would have been” with the family who gave her away. Then she needs to grow up and get over herself. And apologize to the people who WANTED her for being such an ungrateful self-centered brat.”

Well, well, well, you sure do know how to insult an adopted person. I’m a self-centered brat? You know me personally, do you? You know adoption psychology, sociology, social work, policy and law, do you? How many years have you been researching adoption? Zero I bet. I know more about all of this than you do. I wrote my Original Post in a sincere effort to keep this family together and you blast me for your opinions that I have “some “perfect” image in my mind… I deal in reality, not fantasy. And my natural family had plenty of problems. They are far from perfect. No family is perfect. I simply made the point that I do not want these infants to lose more than their mother, as I did.

Commenter Same thing happened in my family 50 years ago. My family was Protestant. My aunt eloped right after high school with a Catholic man. She died in childbirth with her 6th child. Our family wanted to adopt the children but the Church refused. Instead, they split up the kids and adopted them out to Catholic families. I never saw them again. I often wonder if the kids have managed to find each other by now. So sad.

adopteefedup 

Janet, yes that is very sad. To others, they see adoption as the main goal. To the children who are siblings, adoption destroys their family so that a new one can be built. Or, in the case you describe, 6 new adoptive families were “built”. Adoption workers see this as “family building”. While the victims of adoption – the children and their helpless father – see their family destroyed by adoption. It is very sad that certain fathers are seen as unfit to raise their children.

Today, it is a little different. Most adoption agencies will not split up sibling groups as they did 50 years ago. My sibling group was split up 59 years ago. Yes, my father made the decision. But he did so after his Parrish priest suggested the idea. Instead of sending Catholic Charities to help take care of all five children, the mindset was to give the infant to two strangers who were declared parents by legal decree.

It fascinates me to read condemning comments from people who assume I am disloyal to my adoptive parents, that I didn’t love them, or that others tell me what I “should” do, or that I am too young to know what’s “best”. I was born in 1956, adopted in 1957. I am a former crisis social worker, which means I have social work and psychology back ground. I have studied adoption for 41 years. The shift now is on keeping sibling groups together. And with donations after this media news story, I’m sure this father will have enough money to hire child care workers so that he can keep his family together.

Commenter Catholic priests have screwed up more people and look at them with their high morals – not

Commenter Adoptee – I have known many people who were adopted, and NONE have shown the bitter, vile attitude towards their adoptive parents that you show.

“well over 300 relatives conspired against me to keep my natural family from me” Really? Sounds like you have some severe mental issues, that have nothing to do with adoption. (Not to mention, I don’t know anyone with over 300 relatives. You’re saying they got your uncle’s brother-in-law’s cousin’s mother in on it too?)

Did you ever think maybe your adoptive parents didn’t tell you out of SINCERE love? Maybe they didn’t want you to feel “different”? No. You just have bitter feelings towards them, and can’t possibly think it was anything other than some “conspiracy” against you. They are much better off without you, if they are still alive. (Just wondering. If they have died, and left any type of property/estate, did you donate all the assets to charity? Since you want nothing to do with them. Or did you grab the money?)

By the way. In one post, you said you were raised in a loving home. In another, you claim your adoptive parents were “abusive”. Which is it?

Commenter I forgot to ask – how did the “over 300 relatives” pull off the “conspiracy”? Did they fly on from all over, and book a meeting hall to plan it all out? And did you ever think that maybe others (aunts, uncles, etc) didn’t tell you because they knew it wasn’t their place to?

My cousin married a woman who had a six month old baby when they met. After marriage, he adopted that baby. She has always known him as her daddy. (Her own father signed his rights away. He said he had no interest in being a father.) I have no idea if they have told her the truth yet, or when they plan to tell her. But I do know that it is in no way my place to go and blurt it out to her.

Gert  august 31  adopteefedup is looking for sympathy…what she says is not the whole truth, the church had nothing to do with father’s decision to give her up into adoption, after his wife and our mother died he proposed a marriage to another woman, there were 7 children to think about, this second wife REFUSED to take the infant (adopteefedup) and father felt ‘out of sight out of mind’ and placed her with a couple that wanted a child…it was a private adoption where both families knew each other and that’s how we found her…worst mistake of our lives…she hates adoption and browbeats anyone who adopts, including me when I and husband adopted my son, that’s why I banned her in my life. she is a bitter angry person beware

^^^^^

Story number 3 August 26, 2015

https://celebrity.yahoo.com/news/rosies-daughter-moves-211436775.html?bcmt=comments-postbox

adopteefedup 11 days ago

This has nothing to do with being gay or lesbian, this is about adoption and an adoptee’s desire to re-connect with her natural mother and the natural mother’s desire to connect with her natural-born daughter. It also has to do with Rosie’s parenting style.

Gert 9 days ago  funny how when adopteefedup did reconnect with her birth family all she did was cause troubles, so much so that everyone in the family kicked her out! one who lives in glass houses should not throw stones…adopteefedup’s parenting skills are nothing to brag about…oh she knew more about what was good for my kids when I chose to adopt…

End

A melodramatic ABOUT page, on Joan M Wheeler’s Facebook page, of her fantasy ‘truth’; she is, after all, an adoptee extraordinaire, duped by adoption!

She cannot separate herself from the birth family, so by extension, my life, my children’s lives and all of my family’s lives, are bound up, unfortunately, with Joan’s inner life, her fantasies and dramas, as well as, how and what she writes about us. To my mind, that gives me all the ‘rights’ I need to answer anything that she says about me and my family! Don’t like that; too bad!

The following is on the ‘about page’ of her Facebook page for Forbidden Family, now renamed Duped by Adoption

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Forbidden-Family/358715425479

under THE LONG DESCRIPTION

Joan’s words are (J) and my comments are (Gert’s comment)

(J)…Born the youngest of five children to married parents in 1956, four month old Doris Michol Sippel is relinquished to pre-adoptive parents by her father following her mother’s death. She becomes Joan Mary Wheeler through a private (non-agency) closed adoption.

Gert’s comment…This is correct. But what is missing is WHY. Our father knew his wife, and the mother of all five of us siblings was dying in January 1956, a couple of weeks after Doris was born. His solution was to have a marriage, to another woman, of convenience to both partners. She had 2 children, he had 5 children. But, she would NOT take the infant. So the next solution was to place the infant into adoption. Yes, our father sought advice from his priest, as many of us do. He was NOT pressured in any matter by the priest/church. Yes, members of his wife’s family knew someone who wanted a child to adopt. Yes, a ‘private (non-agency) closed adoption’ occurred.  This was his decision at that time. There was NO way that our father would have allowed any form of ‘guardianship’ of his child within the extended family, period. He always said, ‘if I can’t raise her, no one in the family will’.

Contrary to what Joan maintains, NO ONE approached him at his wife’s funeral. Simply because there was not, at that moment, a decision made about the ‘next’ marriage, or anything else. It was AFTER the first wife’s burial, when the decision was finally made and arrangements were made to transfer the infant, from maternal care-givers to the potential adoptive parents. He always said, to me, – ‘it had to be and was done quickly, out of sight out of mind’. Unfortunately he did not realize that I, the oldest, would remember that infant. Then our father remarried in June 1956, three months after the death of the first wife. Just prior to that there were arrangements to get all remaining six children to move in with my father and his second wife. We, four birth siblings, were living with grandparents. One of the two children of second wife remained with his grandmother.

(J)…Joan grows up an only child in a modest suburban home with loving parents, private schools, and a large extended family. In her senior year of high school, Joan answers a phone call that changes her perception of family: she is found by siblings she was never supposed to know. Shocked, Joan realizes that her parents knew the secret yet deliberately lied to her.

Gert’s comment… The ‘secret’ is that, unfortunately for those two people who adopted Joan, they, and others, KNEW the birth family. That’s what happens in ‘a private (non-agency) closed adoption’; the families know each other. Now, decades and two libelous books later, I can state that no such adoption ought to occur; it causes too much pain. Beyond that it has been my opinion, as well as others, that once Joan ‘learned’ of this secret, she used it against the adoptive parents, particularly the mother. It is my opinion that Joan was abused in the adoptive family. Joan herself documents many episodes in her writings and books. Once Joan knew about this ‘secret’ she used it as a hammer to hit them over the head, year after year, up to and including the death bed! Joan is so easily ‘shocked’ by the actions and words of others, but is never aware of her own words and deeds. Joan is always the victim, never the aggressor.

 

(J)…Joan’s life becomes a mix of anxiety, confusion, joy, grief and anger. She juggles two sets of real parents and families while attending college. She joins adoptees’ support groups and begins writing about adoptees’ rights in local newspapers at age 19, despite disapproval of many members of her two families. Criticism turns to mocking, false accusations, hate mail and phone calls, and death threats as Joan tries to make sense of her life. Terrorized for decades, Joan is driven to the brink of suicide. She climbs out, only to be dragged down repeatedly by abusive relatives from both families who invade her life. When her marriage deteriorates, she leaves her husband and lives in poverty with their two children. She earns a second college degree, begins a career path then succumbs to stress-induced illnesses.

Gert’s comment…Beyond the fact that she likes to rewrite and rewrite her story she loves to dramatize it with tons of adjectives, that’s a narcissistic trait (it’s all about her)! Perhaps if she kept her nose out of other’s people’s business and lives she wouldn’t have had so many ‘issues’!

After her betrayal to me, in 1981, when she violated my parental rights with my children, when I chose to adopt, I banished her from my life. I wrote one letter to her adoptive mother informing her of Joan’s behaviors. I next saw her briefly (only hours) in 1992. Within a day, of that visit, she caused more trouble within the family via her lies about me; my religion was bad for my ‘mental health’. In 1998, I wrote her one letter in response to a letter she wrote to me; I told her to get lost. I had one phone conversation in 2005, an attempt to end hostilities; she used that against me in the book she published in 2009! That is 5 (five) contacts with her in decades, hardly terrorizing her. It was only AFTER she published the hate/libelous book in 2009 and now again in 2015 that I have ‘looked’ for her and answered her lies and hate. Again, not terrorizing her, but countering her lies about me and mine!

Every member of the birth family have similar stories of Joan’s betrayals and bad behaviors towards them, but to hear Joan tell it we are all monsters going after her. The birth family members are the victims of Joan’s negative behaviors and viewpoints that she learned from the adoptive family. Any actions taken by the birth family against Joan were attempts to get her to stop interfering and violating our individual and collective rights and properties. Joan lumps the two families together because she is in ‘great’ need to feel and portray herself as the victim of a collective conspiracy against her, personally. She feels that the institution of adoption is wrong and therefore she has the right (?) to tell others how wrong they are. And because the birth family ‘gave her up’ and the adoptive family ‘adopted’ her…we are monsters that have caused havoc in Joan’s life! What bullshit!

Because of her own mental instabilities, real or imagined, she has the suicidal thoughts. Certainly the birth family had no part in her ‘thoughts’. All we ever wanted was to (1) find her, which we did, and then when she became a monster we wanted (2) for her to stop hurting us!

Her depressions, anxieties and such are NOT a result of any actions of the birth family but in Joan’s own mind. There is a strong possibility that Joan is a product of both, a bad genetic seed and bad parental upbringing.  No one in the birth family acts like Joan. No one in the birth family abused or invaded her life. It was Joan who did the abuse to and invading each and every birth family member’s personal lives and boundaries.

Joan’s marriage ended because of her behaviors or lack of proper behaviors. She was in poverty because SHE refused to get a job. After several moves with ‘boyfriends’, she moved back in with her adoptive mother, who also PAID for that second college degree! Joan still lives in that home and is on NY State Disability due to her own mental illnesses. Joan has kept talking about the ‘jobs’ she had as a social worker, after she got that degree, but she NEVER had one job as a social worker! I hope that Disability knows of her INCOME from her self-employment!

It is only recently, since she started this ‘new’ business, Identity Press, and published this new book against family, has she stated that she’s been SELF-EMPLOYED since 1975! What a liar! No, Joan never had a ‘career path’; she’s been a life-long slug living off the adoptive mother, a husband and the state of New York. Her ‘stress induced illnesses’ are the direct results of her own constant interfering and violating the rights of others. Joan spends all her time on the Internet browbeating people who adopt. Her mission is to eliminate adoption from the globe! She’s a bottom feeder!

(J)…Through it all, one central question drives her: Why does discrimination against bastards, orphans, and the adopted exist?

Gert’s comment… I guess it is ‘discrimination’ if one thinks it is. There are millions of adoptees in the world and they all do NOT feel discrimination. As with anything, it is in ‘the eyes of the beholder’ as to what they believe, see, and feel. Joan M Wheeler does NOT speak for all adoptees.

(J)…Joan asserts, “We, The People, can and must end discrimination against adoptees by insisting on Federal legislation to override State laws to restore adoptees’ civil and human rights to the non-restricted and non-redacted certified truth of our births (a right we had prior to 1930 nationwide, and prior to 1936 in New York), and to end the 85-year-long practice of creating amended – falsified – birth certificates for each new adoptee in America.”

Gert’s comment… Oh brother!! Talk about delusional thinking!  “We, The People” Since when does Joan command such authority? She doesn’t speak for all ‘the people’. In this latest ‘new’ version, of grossly libelous contents, Joan MISSPEAKS about an adoptee organization, New York State Adoptee Equality. That organization pointedly said that Joan does not speak for that organization and her statement, published in her e-book, is false!

Their own statement of themselves can be seen here…

https://www.facebook.com/NYAdoptionEquality

“We are a group run by Adoptees. We work for reform on adoption laws that keep us from equal access under the law. We are grassroots by & for Adoptees with no political affiliations., also administered by committees, not by administrators.”

But Joan published this

Kindle location 8019 quote ‘In June of 2014, a group of angry, disgruntled misfit adoptees banded together to form their own activist organization after the NY Legislature slapped a chokehold on the existing Adoptees’ Bill of Rights two days before the bill came up for a vote. In what should have been a vote to give adoptees permission to receive uncertified copies of their sealed birth certificate, NY adoptees roes (rose?) up, called their legislators to kill the bill. The bill was indeed killed, resulting in yet another year of wasted effort by adoptee activists. Better this than to have a law that would give a small group of hysterical birthmothers, judges, and adoption agencies their way, to claim that ‘birth’ parents have the right to remain anonymous and to redact their names from the released birth certificate and to prevent adoptees from contacting them. The new adoptee lobby group, NY state Adoptee Equality, can be found on facebook and twitter at @NYAdoptEquality.’

When I ‘exposed’ that statement, on a news article, is what prompted Joan to announce her new book; she saw that I ‘knew’. Then a month later she REMOVED 4 chapters! So this statement is no longer in her book! I can only guess that she must have gotten lots of flack over that statement.

Joan M Wheeler is only ONE adoptee who does NOT speak for them all. If she thinks that this new version of the same lies is going to make her a great and wonderful wizard who eliminates adoption from the globe…well I hope there’s a padded cell somewhere for her.

There is more but I shall incorporate that in another post about her ‘bio’ on Amazon.

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